Be careful what you wish for
by millenium-writer
Summary: Ranma drops by the Ucchan to give Ukyo an invitation to a wedding. His wedding. Shortly after, a stranger pops in to teach her an important lesson; when you yell at the sky, make very sure that you know you're yelling at the right person up there.
1. Chapter 1

Just a shorty sort of prologue chapter to start. I usually like to write them a few pages long, but it just seemed like the right place for a chapter break, so, yeah.

Enjoy.

**-**

**Nerima, Japan**

The chime over the door tingled as it opened, and Ukyo looked up from the okonomiyaki she was cooking. "Hey Ran-chan." Grinning, she waved to an empty stool with one hand. As skilled of a cook/martial artist as she was, Ukyo didn't need to see what she was doing to turn the diced chicken, or the noodles.

Ranma sat down on the stool he was directed to, holding a little envelope in the hand he rested on the counter infront of him. "Ukyo, we need to talk."

Ukyo blinked. "Uh, sure." It was jarring, to hear him talk like that. _Ran-chan never gets to the point about anything. Something must be wrong._ Flipping the chicken and noodles onto the okonomiyaki, she drizzled a little sauce on top, then flipped the entire thing into a take-out box. "Thanks for stopping at the Ucchan, here you are." Turning on a bright sunny smile, Ukyo handed the man his food, and watched him walk out. The after school rush was over, and it was just herself and Ranma in the restraunt now, until the dinner rush began. "What's up Ran-chan?"

Ranma fiddled with the little white envelope he held, not answering her right away.

_Now that's the Ran-chan I know._ Smiling, Ukyo rinsed her spatula, dried it off, and tucked into the bandolier she kept close at hand behind the counter. "Come on, spit it out already." _Oooh, maybe it's a love note, and he wants to give it to me in person._ Out of habbit, she slung her battle spatula over her shoulder, it's familiar weight pressing against her back.

"...Uh..." Turning the envelope over in his hands, Ranma suddenly stuck his arm out, nearly jabbing Ukyo in the nose with the envelope. "Here!" Getting up after Ukyo took it, he hurried out the door.

_Oooh, I bet I'm right!_ Grinning, Ukyo wasted no time in opening the envelope and pulling out whatever was inside. It wasn't a note, but a fancy looking card that said 'You're Invited' on the front. Curious, Ukyo turned it over. There wasn't anything on the back at all. _It's not store bought. Oh! He made it himself? I didn't know Ran-chan was any good at this sort of thing._ Opening the card, she scanned it quickly. "What... What is this, a joke?" She read it again, taking her time to read every single word to make sure she wasn't mistaken.

"..." Setting the card on the counter, she put the envelope next to it. Walking over to the front door, she flipped the sign in the window over from 'open' to 'closed'. Turning the deadbolt, she flipped off the front lights, then walked into the back. Pulling open the fridge, Ukyo grabbed a half-empty bottle of cooking wine, heading for the back door. Unscrewing the cap, she choked out a sob, hot tears spilling down her cheeks.

Dropping the cap on the floor, she lifted the bottle to her lips, tilted her head back and gulped noisily until the bottle was empty. After a moment or two of trying to suck back thin air, she set the bottle down on the floor, opened the back door, and stepped out into the yard. Sitting down on the soft grass, she crossed her legs, pressed her hands to her face, and sobbed brokenly until the alcohol kicked in.

-

**You're invited to the wedding of Akane Tendo and Ranma Saotome. **

**Please come at ten o'clock, saturday morning, june nineteenth. **

**Dress nicely, bring a gift, and don't try to sabotage the ceremony.**

**RVSP as soon as possible, thank you.**

-

Sometimes, people drink to help them deal with their problems. Sometimes, people who have never had a drink in their life try this, without realizing that it doesn't work that way. Sometimes, people get fed up and decide to blame someone for all their problems. Sometimes, people blame God for it all, thinking that he's listening in.

Ukyo was fitting nicely into the above categorys, considering it was her first time trying all four.

Standing out in the middle of her back yard, with her head tilted back, she was screaming to high heaven, both hands clentched into fists at her sides. She didn't care what time it was, or how long she'd sat in the yard, crying until she was dry of tears.

"You call this fair? You call life just?! I've had the worst life anyone can possibly deal with, and I can't do a single thing about it! Why do I have to suffer like this? Why me? What did I ever do to you?" Choking back a sob, Ukyo swallowed, then continued her tirade at the sky. "If you're so intent on making me suffer, why don't you come down and do it yourself?! Huh? Face to face! Don't like what I'm saying? Why don't you come down here and make me stop?" Pulling her battle spatula off of her back, she gripped it tightly. "Do you hear me? Come down here and make me! Do you HEAR ME?!"

Tmp.

"I heard you."

Startled, Ukyo froze in place. The last thing she'd ever expected was someone to answer, and considering that she was more than just a little tipsy, she figured for a moment that she'd just imagined the sound. Shiverring a little at the unnerving feeling that she'd got exactly what she'd asked for, she turned around to see where the eeriely soft voice had come from, just to confirm that she'd imagined it, of course.

"...Well?"

Swallowing a few times, Ukyo stared at the person standing there, trying to get her throat to unlock. She really hadn't imagined hearing someone saying something, unless she was imagining that she was seeing someone too. "Uh, God?"

"Mmm, no." He held up a single finger, and Ukyo cringed. "See, you didn't specify _who_ you wanted to come down when you were yelling at Heaven. So, you get me."

"I... Get you?" Her eyes widened as her numbed by alcohol brain began to process the details her senses were feeding it.

Dark hair.

Bandana.

Yellow tunic.

Black pants.

"R-Ryoga?"

"Uh, no. He's not a god, he's a jackass." Frowning, the Lost boy lookalike rested his fists on his hips. "Look, I'm really not that good at granting rewards for being a decent human being, or wishes for being a deserving person. You're gonna have to help me out here."

"Uh... I... Um..." Brainlocked, Ukyo couldn't help but stare and stammer semi-coherently. "You're... From Heaven?" Something unstuck in her head. "You're going to reward me for being good? Why?" More of the cogs in her brain slipped back into normal motion. "Why you? You're not an angel... Right? I mean, no wings, or... Or good looks, or-"

"Oh, ouch. My fragile pride." Sighing, he put a hand to his face, shaking his head a little. "Why do I always run into the critics? Look." He let his arm drop to his side, leaving the other fist planted on his hip. "Call it divine community service. Angels don't do this stuff either, you're thinking of Goddesses, they grant the wishes, usually. I'm... Filling in for a friend or something?"

"You're kidding, right?" Ukyo chuckled a little in disbelief. "This is a joke, somebody got you to memorize a script? Who's hiding in the bushes?" She started looking around. "Is it that jackass Kuno again?"

"I... Oh for-" Sighing, he tapped his foot, thinking for a moment. "Ryoga's a directionally challanged, grade A moron. Ranma's a genderswapping, martial arts genious slash twit, and Akane's a shortfused, self-conscious flatchester who couldn't cook to save... Well, anything really." He frowned again. "Is that enough proof, or do I have to start laying into the rest of the Tendo family?"

"Ght." For a moment, Ukyo was in a state of total lockup. It was impossible to comprehend the possibility that Ryoga was anything other than an intelectual black hole, which ment... "You really _aren't_ Ryoga." A sudden, horribly embaressing reality hit her. "So... God really did hear me?"

He nodded.

"And I'm not going crazy?"

He shook his head.

"A-and... He wasn't too happy with all the things I said?"

He shook his head again.

"And, so that means... He must think that I'm the worst per-"

"Ah, no, not really, no. Seeing as how I've personally gone and told God to go take a long walk off a short pier, I think I've got that title right now."

"Y-you told him to go-"

"Look, it's complicated. We have a complex history together." Looking away, he brushed down the front of his tunic. For someone who claimed to not be Ryoga, he sure didn't do anything to help dispel the notion, dressing exactly like him.

"What d-"

"Trust me, you don't want to know." Sighing, he walked over and took Ukyo's arm. "Ok, as much fun as it is to stand out in the open, playing drunken twenty questions, why don't we go inside before you pass out?"

Ukyo shrugged him off, irritated. "I'm not drunk! And who are you to judge me? Dropping in out of Heaven uninvited and without calling ahead first." Swaying a little on her feet, she crossed her arms over her chest, her head buzzing almost pleasently.

"Right, silly me. Why didn't I think of calling ahead bef- oh right, no payphones in heaven." Snorting, he put an arm around Ukyo's waist and began steering her towards her house. "Idiot."

"I'm an idiot? You're the one who didn't put any phones in heaven!"

"What, do I look like I work for Telus?" Snorting, he ignored Ukyo's efforts to shrug him off a second time, firmly holding onto her.

"What?" Struggling a bit, she gave him a confused look as she half-walked, half-staggered towards the house.

"Oh, right. You don't have that company here in Japan, do you? Man have I been gone a long time."

"I'm not drunk! And where are you from anyway?"

"I didn't say you were, I- oh for..." Sighing, he pressed his free hand to his face. "Is there any last words you'd like to say before you pass out?"

Grunting in annoyance, Ukyo pulled free of his grip, and stepped away, turning to face him. "I told you, I'm not drunk, and I'm not gonna pass ou-... I- ... Oh." For a moment, Ukyo swayed on her feet, a glassy look in her eyes. A second later, she pitched forward, limply falling over.

Staring blankly, he watched her flop to the ground and lay limply on the grass. "Oy." Scooping Ukyo up off of the ground, he shook his head. "I really, probably should have caught her before she landed." Sighing, he shook his head again, then headed inside, carrying the girl in his arms. "I just hope your bedroom is still where I remember it."

-

Well, I hoped you liked it. As a writer, I tend to prefer to leave stuff hanging for a chapter or so before I answer any questions I intentionally place in my stories. I also answer any and all questions readers may have about my work, so, ask away if you're confused, or simply curious.

Comments and critisims are always welcome too, so feel free to say whatever comes to mind. Do I do requests? I dunno, I suppose? It might depend on what is is though. If you want a character to pop into the story, I guess I could do that, but I really don't do cameos... Unless it's for the right price, wink wink.

Nah, just kidding.


	2. Chapter 2

"Ran-chan is mine, you chinese hussy!" Standing over a cowering Ranma, Ukyo brandished her battle spatula, glaring at the other would-be fiancees. "You too, laughing bimbo."

"Shampoo no give up airen without fight!"

"Ranma darling belongs to me! Ohohohoh-"

Thwack! Bam!

"You were saying?" Smirking, Ukyo stood on a pile of girls, roughly a dozen more than there actually should be. Hefting her spatula over her shoulder, Ukyo looked around the hall where the Saotome/Tendo wedding had been held. "You, old man! Get over here!" Pointing at Genma, she scowled as he scampered over and cowered at her feet. "I owe you for making my life a living hell, and taking my Ran-chan away."

Whack!

"Anybody else want some? Thanks to my guardian angel, I'm invincible!" Planting a fist on her hip, Ukyo cackled like a mad woman. Everything was perfect, she'd put every single person that had ever bothered her in their place, even that little kid that had wrecked her sand castle when she was five.

"Guardian angel? Invincible? Good god, are your drunken dreams stupid."

"Who said that? Show yourself so I can pound you flat!" Hefting her battle spatula again, Ukyo hopped off of the 'female rival' pile, glaring around the room.

"Ye-ah, no... Seriously, this is what you want? You wanna act like a maniac and beat people up?" Sighing, Ukyo's proclaimed 'guardian angel' crossed his arms over his chest, shaking his head. For some reason, he was sitting on the wedding cake and _not_ crushing it.

"Oooohhh, I'll show you, you winged jackass!" Charging over the piles of defeated rivals which seemed to go on for miles, Ukyo brought her weapon down in a brutally swift arc, cleaving the very air in two.

"Tch."

Only to have her 'guardian angel' stop it with a single finger.

"Wh-what? How could you do that?" Baffled, Ukyo swept her gaze around the room, seeing all the havoc she'd wrought. "I took out everybody, even that jackass Herb!" Turning back to glare at the impudent cake sitter, she clenched her jaw. "How'd you do that?"

Letting out a sigh, he hopped off of the cake, after nudging her spatula aside. "Easy, it's a dream." Brushing off his clothes, he put his hands on his hips, frowning at her. "Seriously, what's a dream gonna do to me?"

"I- but I... What? A dream?" Blinking, Ukyo stared at her spatula for a moment, then looked around the room again. "But everything went so well..."

"Yeah, exactly the problem. Since when does anything go well in Nerima? Ever?" Shaking his head, he looked around at the mess she'd made. "I don't remember Ranma even _knowing_ this many girls... He must really get around in this world."

"Oh, so it's just a dr- HEY! Wait just a minute." Turning around, she stared at her 'guardian angel'. "If this is all just a dream, what are you doing here telling me it's a dream? You'd be part of the dream then... And, I'd be dreaming that you're telling me that I'm dreaming, and..."

Sighing again as Ukyo trailed off, he walked over and grabbed the front of her shirt. "The nice thing about a dream is that it's not really real. Plus, all it takes is a good shock to wake you up... So..." He ripped Ukyo's shirt off with a single yank.

-

Screaming, Ukyo sat up, covering her chest with both arms. "EEE! Get away you jackass!" Freeing up an arm, she swung wildly, connecting with someone's face several times.

"...Ow."

"Eh?" Opening an eye, Ukyo squinted at the person she'd slapped. "Oh... It's just y- YOU RIPPED MY SHIRT OFF!"

Giving Ukyo a bland little look, he reached over and hooked a finger into the collar of her shirt, tugging on it a couple of times. "You mean this one?"

"O-oh... So, it was all just a dream?" Looking down at her shirt, she pulled his hand away, and checked for any rips in her clothing. "Um, about your face."

There were several large, very painful looking, red handprints on his face. "I'll survive."

Ukyo blinked. "Wait. If it was all just a dream, how did you-" Ukyo blinked a few more times, thinking. "How did you get inside my dream like that?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Maybe you dreamed I was there after I started answering when you were talking in your sleep?"

Ukyo narrowed her eyes, staring intently at him. "I don't think so jackass. I don't talk in my sleep, and besides, how would you make me think you were going to rip my shirt off?"

He immediately threw up his hands to ward off any incoming slaps. "I touched nothing!"

Still giving him a suspicious stare, Ukyo checked her shirt again. "Right, of course not."

"Hey, who're you gonna believe, me or the drunk?"

"Drunk? What dr- I'M NOT A DRUNK!"

Wincing, he stuck his fingers into his ears, his hair literally blowing backwards from the force of her yell. "Ow."

"Jackass. When I-" Ukyo blinked. Something was different about him. "Hey." Reaching over, she grabbed at the back of his head. "Since when did you have a pigtail?"

Jerking his head back, he pulled his braid free of her fingers. "Oh, now you notice it? You must've been _really_ drunk." Shaking his head, he stood up and stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Can we go now?"

Blinking a few times at him, she looked around. It was her room she was in, her futon she was sleeping in, but... "Hey, why'd I go to sleep in my clothes?"

"Uh, because you passed out, and there's no way I'm stripping anyone down for bed."

One of Ukyo's eyes twitched, even as a flush crept across the bridge of her nose. "Jackass."

"Yeah yeah, I got it already. I'll be downstairs." Sighing, he walked out of Ukyo's room.

-

Several minutes later, Ukyo stood at the base of the stairs, peeking around the corner into the Ucchan. It was quiet, _too_ quiet. Creeping into the restaurant, she stared at the sign in the window, announcing that the restaurant was still closed. _That's why it's so quiet, nobody came in to eat today_.

"Hey!"

"EEK!" Ukyo whipped off her battle spatula and began whipping it about, startled by the sudden noise.

Thwap!

"...Ow." Spatula firmly pressed into the top of his head, Ukyo's 'guardian angel' did not look very amused. "Thanks, I was just thinking to myself 'how can I suffer a massive concussion today?' and guess what? There it is."

"S-sorry." Slinging the spatula over her back, she smiled meekly at him. "I was surprised."

"I'll bet."

"Why are you here anyway?" Ukyo walked past him, moving to turn on the grill and heat it up. "Aren't you supposed to be, um..."

"Angeling it up?"

"Uh, yeah, that."

"You have me confused with someone who actually happens to _be_ an angel."

"Whatever... Do you have a name?" Frowning, she stared at the grill. "I can't keep yelling random stuff to get your attention all the time." The grill was already hot and sizzling. _Odd._

"Uh... Call me 'Clarence' I guess."

"What? That's stupid." Looking around, she slipped into the back to get at the fridge. A minute later, she sauntered back into the front, whipping up a bowl of batter. "I got it."

"Got what? Is it catching?" 'Clarence' eyed her oddly.

"I'm gonna call you 'Mato'." Pouring some batter out onto the grill, she ignored the odd look he shot her. "And you need a last name too. Since that jackass Ryoga falls for everything, and you're dressed like him, you can be his cousin."

"... Dare I ask what inspired this _totally_ _random_ name pickage?"

"There were tomatoes in the fridge." Grinning, Ukyo plucked a spatula out of her bandolier and waited a few seconds before flipping the half-cooked batter.

"... Right, so you just randomly decided to pick 'Mato Hibiki' on your own?"

"Hey, I'm good at naming stuff, _Mato Hibiki_. Besides, it sounds much better than 'Clarence' does."

"Right." Mato shot a glance up at the ceiling. "I think I'll just blame God for this one."

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Damn right it's nothing." Tossing some noodles on the grill, she turned around and frowned at the bare counter behind the grill. "I forgot to chop chicken."

"Forget the chicken, what the hell am I doing here?"

"Huh?"

"Look, I'm supposed to be helping you out." He held up a finger to cut her off before she started speaking again. Not that she saw it, since she had her back to him. "And I'm not pro bono hired help either. I'm here to make some sort of massive change to your life. So... What's it gonna be?"

Thinking for a moment, Ukyo turned around, arms crossed over her chest and a smile on her lips. "You're gonna help me marry Ran-chan."

"... Oh, this is gonna turn out _just great_, I'm sure." Pinching the bridge of his nose, Mato resisted the urge to glare up at the ceiling. _I'm sure God's just laughing his ass off up there at this one._

-

Ok, another short chapter, but I'm sick now, so, if you're gonna hate me for shorties, just do it gently.

As for review replies... Thank you to everyone who said they liked it. Now for specific questions.

My-name-is-foxglove: Nope, I have no intentions of killing off Akane, nor having Ukyo marry Ranma... What Ukyo herself intends to do is beyond my control, however... (seriously, have you seen the _size_ of that spatula she carries?)

BlazeStryker: I'm sorry, but I'm not sure who you're referring to... I did look up Joseph Heller though, and his method of writing sounds rather similar to mine... I guess that's a good thing?

Well, that's it for now. I need to go blow my nose about a dozen more times, then get something to eat. I guess I'll have a bit more time to write, between the frequent, sick-induced-naps and all, so... Until next chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe Ranma _wants_ to marry Akane?"

The room lit up brilliantly from the flames of pure rage that licked around Ukyo's head and shoulders.

"Er, right, silly question."

Turning her attention back to the noodles and half-cooked okonomiyaki on the grill, Ukyo added a few drizzles of sauce. "Damn right, jackass."

Sighing, Mato took a seat at the counter, then stood up immediately. "Tch, be right back." Walking out of the restaurant and into the kitchen, he came back a minute or so later. "Here." Thumping down a bowl of chopped chicken on the counter behind the grill, he returned to his previous seat, and thumped his head down on the counter.

"Um, thanks." Tossing some chicken onto the grill, she stared at him for a bit, until the sizzling of chicken caught her attention. Internally grumbling, she focused herself on the food, and not on her strange new guest.

"You know, you can start treating me like an actual person..." He didn't bother to lift his head to address her. "I was one once, y'know."

Puzzled, Ukyo unconsciously turned the chicken, flipped the okonomiyaki again, and stirred the noodles a few times. "So, what are you now?"

"Chopped liver."

Snorting, Ukyo snagged a plate from under the counter, flipping the okonomiyaki onto it. "You're just cranky because you don't have any wings." The noodles followed, shortly chased after by the chicken and a bit more sauce. "Why is that anyway?"

"Because nobody rang a bell."

She blinked. "Is that all it takes?" Plucking another spatula from her bandolier, she tapped them together experimentally. "How's this?"

"Ha ha, funny. But it doesn't exactly work like that." He lifted his head, staring into her eyes. "Besides, I wear my wings on the inside."

Transfixed for a moment, Ukyo stared back at Mato. _I've never seen anyone with such big, bright green eyes before._ Blinking, she leaned a bit closer. _I mean, really bright. It's like they're glowing, almost._ She leaned a little closer, setting down her spatulas. _It kind of looks like there's something inside them too... Something... Something like a-_

"Hey."

Startled, Ukyo blinked, focusing on his face.

"Do you mind? You haven't brushed your teeth yet, and you weren't exactly drinking perfume."

Flushing in embarrassment, Ukyo jerked back. "I-" It was only then that she realized that her face had been hardly an inch away from his. "P-p-perfume? Ooooh, you jack-"

"Jackass. Yeah, I get it." Waving a hand, he rested his elbow on the counter. "I got it already, I'm a jackass." Cupping his chin in his palm, he gave her a level stare.

Fuming silently for a moment, Ukyo grabbed her spatulas. _Such a jackass._ Rinsing and returning the cooking implements to her bandolier, she grabbed her plate and stomped over to a table. Pointedly ignoring him, she stared at her food. _Him and his stupid eyes._

"Hey, you forgot something." Mato flicked something in her direction, a careless toss over his shoulder.

Ukyo's reflexes, as always, were sharp. Snatching the object out of the air, she dwelled on what had spurred her to hone her body for ten long years. _Ran-chan._ Realizing what she held was a pair of chopsticks, she snapped them apart. "Thanks." Digging into her food, her eyes took on a glassy cast as she thought of what really mattered to her. _Ran-chan. Getting Ran-chan._

Swiveling his stool around, Mato watched the teenaged girl eat. His eyes roved over her body for an instant, before his conscious mind yanked his gaze to the ceiling. _Idiot, you blew that chance a long time ago. There's no point in dwelling on the past either, so just shatter that memory. Cast it into that little void you keep buried inside you, like you always do, and get on with it._ Sighing through his nostrils, he looked over Ukyo once more, mentally shaking his head. _A billion friggin' thoughts I could be thinking right now, and the one that sits at the front is 'what the hell happened between the last forty-five minutes and the last half-hour of City of Angels?'_ He let out another sigh. _There was a truck or something, right? Ugh, goddamn God. If this is your idea of a joke, or redemption, or some other bullsh-_

"Hey."

"Guh." Startled out of his own rambling train of thought, his chin slipped from his hand, and he caught himself before he tumbled off of the stool. "What?"

"Get over here." Ukyo pointed at the seat across from her.

Sighing loudly, he stood up, walked over, and flopped into the seat across from Ukyo. "A please every now and then wouldn't kill you."

Wagging a hand at him, she smiled. "Hush up, angel boy. I just figured out how you're gonna help me win Ran-chan over."

_Oh, __**this**__ should be a good one._ He arched an eyebrow, refraining from commenting aloud. _What kind of wacky, zany, messed up scheme-_

"You're going to get Akane to fall for you."

_Oh, no. Oh __**hell**__ no. Oh no friggin' way on earth am I __**ever**__ gonna-_ "And I'm gonna pull this one off, HOW?"

"Easy." Eyes twinkling, Ukyo devoured the remainder of her food. "Shoot her in the butt with an arrow." Patting her lips with a napkin, she froze when she caught sight of the horrified expression on Mato's face. "What?"

"What? WHAT?! Are you INSANE?" He half-stood up, slapping his hands down on the table.

"What, you didn't bring your love arrows with you?"

"My lo-" Blinking once, he relaxed, flopping back into his seat. "Oh thank God. I thought you ment... Bleah, nevermind what I was thinking..." Sighing with relief, he shook his head. "Look, I'm not cupid, ok? And while we're on the subject? I'm not an angel." He frowned, perhaps remembering something unpleasant. "Far from it."

"Well, that's no good." Finishing wiping the sauce from her lips, Ukyo folded her napkin and set it in her plate. "You're not good looking enough to win her over on your own, either." Trailing off, Ukyo stared at her plate, totally missing the withering glare he shot her.

"Wow, that's the second time you've outright crushed my pride. Gee... Thanks."

"Hmm? Shh, I'm trying to think." Crossing her arms over her chest, she bowed her head in thought. "Besides, what's pride matter to you anyways? You're just here to do stuff for me."

Mato's right eye twitched several times at random intervals as he stared at her. After a moment, he reached over and took one of Ukyo's hands.

"Um, what're you doing?"

Pressing her chopsticks into her hand, he laid his own on the table, palm down. "This." With a swift, almost brutal stab, he made her jab the cheap, disposable chopsticks through the back of his hand.

Letting out a squeek in surprise, Ukyo stared, horrified. After an instant, she snatched up her napkin and lifted his hand, wrapping it around the wood that had penetrated his flesh. "Idiot! What's that supposed to prove?"

"That I'm a person too."

"I get it, I get it!" Fumbling with the napkin, Ukyo struggled to remember just how far away Dr. Tofu's clinic was.

Yanking his hand back, he tugged the splintered wood out of his flesh with a small grunt of pain. "Ow."

Grabbing for his hand, Ukyo snatched up the bloodstained napkin again, fumbling to re-wrap his hand. "Stupid, all that just for-"

"Just to keep you from thinking of me as an object? As a mobile, wish-granting machine you can just use and ignore?" He snorted, ripping off a bandana, wrapping it about his hand after pulling it away from her again. "Well worth it." _Ow ow ow ow OW. Boy, that sure was stupid of me. Next time, I think I'll just threaten to take a dive off of a rooftop or something. People tend to fold faster when they think you're gonna off yourself, and well before you actually end up hurting anything._

"Here, let me help." Pulling his hand back towards her, Ukyo gently adjusted the cloth and knotted it securely. "You know, you're pretty stupid, sugar."

Half-smiling in spite of himself, he shrugged. "I've been told that before." _God, how long has it been since sh- since anybody's called me that?_

"Hmph." Tugging the make-shift bandage a little roughly, Ukyo shook her head. "I'll bet. Well, if you can keep from maiming yourself again, maybe we can actually accomplish something?"

"Oh, like what?" _Tch, I'll bet this thing would get infected, if I was..._

"Like getting you enrolled in Furinkin High, so that we can enact phase one of 'Operation: Get Ran-chan' underway." Smiling brightly, Ukyo patted his hand, then grabbed her plate and stood up. Humming cheerfully, she sauntered across the restaurant and into the kitchen, already thinking ahead to the next part of her plan.

"..." Staring after Ukyo for a moment, Mato pressed a hand to his face. _Scratch that, maybe it wasn't worth it after all._

-

The instant she was in the kitchen, and out of sight, Ukyo dumped her plate in the sink and slumped down onto her backside. _Oh my god, that was scary. What kind of luna-_ Shaking her head, Ukyo thumped her hands ontop of her skull a few times. _No no no. Think hard Ukyo. Nobody pops into your life, promises to do anything and everything you want, then goes all nuts on you. Right_. Sighing, Ukyo closed her eyes, trying hard to remember what his expression was like just before he went all crazy on her. _Sad._ Nodding, she wrapped her arms around herself. _He was right, I was just treating him like a tool. I wonder how many times people have treated him that way? A lot, probably, if he'd go that far just to get me to notice him_.

Frowning, Ukyo stood up, feeling a little guilty. _Maybe I should be a little nicer to him._ Moving over to the sink, she turned on the tap and began scrubbing her plate clean. _Or maybe, maybe I should get everything done quickly. That way, I get my Ran-chan, and he... He gets to go back to doing whatever it is that he does..._ Ukyo's attention wavered, her focus drifting off as she wondered just what did someone like Mato do?

-

_Note to self; remember to brace yourself before impailing your own hand._ Yanking a splinter out with his teeth, he picked it up and glared at the inch long bit of blood stained wood. "Meh." He stared, watching as the crimson fluid wavered a little, warping around on itself. After a moment, the blood ignited, consuming itself and the wooden splinter in a matter of seconds. "Well, at least that still works." Sighing, he tugged off the bandana wrapped about his hand, staring morbidly through the hole. "Ew." _Why do I suddenly feel the urge to say 'I can see right through you'?_ Sighing again, he flicked away the scrap of cloth as it vanished in a puff of flame. _Now, the question is, do I lie about my hand, or do I cover it up for a few days?_ He absently watched the hole in his hand shrink as the flesh slowly knitted itself together, closing up on it's own.

"Meh, wish I could pull off the Jedi mind trick." Folding his arms behind his head, he reclined in his seat. _How the hell am I gonna pull this one off? Do I actually go through with the whole thing, and help Ukyo win Ranma over, or do I do the obvious thing, and make her realize that she'd be better off without suffering through that heartache?_ "Being alive is very complicated."

-

Ok, I've gotta appologise for how morbid this chapter got, but I figured it was the best way to get a few points across. Both about Mato's personality, and, well... His oddness in general. Physically and mentally, you could say.

I'll steer away from the gross stuff in the future, as I don't want to disgust anyone... Least of all myself.

Review replies!

First off, I'm very thankful for the well wishing. You're all such nice people.

Now for specific replies.

SithKnight-Galen: Well, it is a bit similar to 'It's a Wonderful Life' in that a wish was made. Rather than wish she'd never been born, Ukyo wished (or expressed the intent) to have her life made better... And to have someone come down and shut her up. I'd answer your other question... But that would be telling, wouldn't it? Admit it, you'd enjoy figuring it out on your own, wouldn't you?

I specifically picked the name 'Clarence' (even going as far as to hit up wikipedia to check the spelling) to draw a parallel to it... And because it's a classic, and I like it.

I do promise not to have Ukyo running through the streets, yelling to random people... But Kuno, on the other hand... XD Oh boy, now that is a funny image, given the way that he talks to people.

"Merry Christmas, insolent peasants! Merry Christmas, my hated foe Saotome! Merry Christmas, my beloved Ak-" And then he gets kicked in the face.


	4. Chapter 4

"So, this is your idea for being inconspicuous?"

"Hush Sugar, it'll work."

"Yeah, no. I'm not buying it." Tugging on his collar, Mato glanced around for a moment. "So, why'd we have to get here so early?" _This is disturbingly familiar._

"Because." Sighing, Ukyo pressed her back against the wall they were standing next to. Both she and Mato were dressed in boy's school uniforms, standing at the front of Furinkan High. "We had to get you enrolled, remember?" _Stupid receptionists. How was I supposed to know they'd need a letter of parental approval?_

"I mean, why are we out here_ right now?_ Everybody knows..." He trailed off. _Geez, nearly blew it right there. Of course everybody knows Ranma and Akane always show up late for school. Everybody who actually lives here._ "Wait, does school still start at quarter after eight?" _Hah, smooth. I am smooooth._ With his braid tucked into his collar, and his shaggy mop of hair hiding his bandana for the most part, Mato looked like a fairly average japanese student.

"Eight twenty, Sugar." Closing her eyes, Ukyo resisted the urge to glance down at her watch for the tenth time. _Half an hour of listening to this._ She sighed again, harder this time. _I'm not gonna make it._

-

_And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming, or the moment of truth in your lies._

_When everything feels like the movies, yeah you bleed just to know you're alive._

_And I don't want the world to see me, 'cause I-_

"Finally!"

Blinking, Mato opened his eyes. "Huh?" _Typical. Just when I'm starting to enjoy myself._ He glanced over at Ukyo, who was nudging him in the side. "What's up?"

Ukyo pointed to the crowd of boys assembled by the front gate. "It's time for you to meet Ran-chan, and my only competition."

"...All those guys?"

Snort. "No, jackass. Those guys are just the opening show."

"Right." Uncrossing his arms, Mato streched his limbs languidly, letting out a sigh. "Ten seconds is all I'll need." Pushing away from the wall, he loped towards the mob.

"H-hey! Wait jackass! You're not-" Sticking out an arm to stop him, Ukyo blankly stared. "Oooohhh. That jackass!" Fuming, she crossed her arms over her chest again. _He's gonna get clobbered for sure. He's gonna ruin everything th- wait!_ Ukyo grinned. _He's not even a student yet. He doesn't know anything about the morning mobs! Akane'll clobber him for sure. Then, I can show up and 'explain' that he was 'just trying to help Akane'. She'll feel sorry for him, just like she always does for that jackass Ryoga. Then, it's just a matter of time._ "Ufufufufu... Perfect. Everything's going according to plan." _I've always wanted to say that._

-

"Agh! We're late again!"

"We'll it's not my fault you take so long to get ready!"

"Yes it is!" Akane clutched her bookbag to her chest, easily hurdling a parked car. "If you didn't spend so much time in the bath, I could get ready sooner!"

"Blame Pop! He's the one who keeps dragging me into the Koi pond everytime I beat his ass!" Ranma vaulted over the car, clearing it, a small truck, and the street that intersected the one they were running down. Touching down for an instant, Ranma Saotome, heir to the school of Anything Goes martial arts, lept skyward again. "Besides, you take too long in there anyway!"

"I have to wash my HAIR!" Running along the ground, Akane charged through the open gates, headlong into the morning mob of boys. She didn't notice at first how they weren't yelling at her for a date like usual.

"Your hair's fine! It looks the same if you wash it or not!" Landing atop the wall that ran around the school, Ranma stopped to watch Akane clear out the mob. Nobody at the school ever came even close to his level, so he didn't bother in participating.

"Shut up!" Akane's body moved automatically, so used to the low skill of the usual mob members that she could virtually ignore them completely. "How would you kn- eh?" Spinning around to blow a hockey stick with her bookbag, Akane frowned. _That felt weird._ Reversing her spin, she planted an elbow into the grill of a goalie mask. _It felt like somebody blocked-_ Ducking, she swept a kendo club member's feet out from under him. Twisting around as she stood, Akane kicked out behind her to take out whoever had stepped in behind her.

"Ow!"

Akane blinked. "Ow?" Backhanding away a member of the curling team, she frowned. Usually, the mob members went down in a single hit. Nobody ever said ow. "Kuno?"

"No." A pause, and the sound of a few people being thrashed.

"Mousse?"

"No." More thrashing noises.

"Ryoga?"

"NO." The thrashing sounds stopped.

"Ranma?"

"Um, I'm over here Akane." Ranma waved from his perch up on the wall, pointing at himself with his other hand.

"Well then who is it?"

"I'm- woah!" A few fleshy thumps. "When the hell did you guys get a sumo club?"

"Um, we've always had one?" Peering around at the remaining mob members, who were looking just as puzzled as Akane felt, she stood up on her tiptoes. "Where are you?"

"Behind they guy with th- y'know what? Forget it. Just hang on a sec." A few more thumps and smacks, and a boy in a school uniform stepped over a flattened member of the tennis team. "Hi."

"Um, hi?" Confused, Akane just stood there. Something like this had never really happened before. While it was true that people had interrupted the morning mob brawl from time to time, they usually took the time to introduce themselves _after_ the fight was over. "I'm... Akane?"

The boy grinned, scratching his cheek with a thumb. "Yeah, hi." He dipped his torso forward in a bow, just as a golf club whiffed over his head. "Mato H- just Mato. Pleased to meet you."

"Um, pleased to meet you too." Spinning around, Akane kicked away a football player who'd been about to tackle her. "So, you're new in Nerima?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that." With her back to him, Akane couldn't see who he was hitting, but she could _hear_ it clear enough. "My first time wearing a uniform too. Heh."

"Oh. So, where are you from?"

-

_I can't believe that jackass is actually pulling it off._ From her secure vantage point, Ukyo could see and hear everything that was going on. _I'm amazed that he can even fight that well too. I thought for sure I'd have to waste weeks teaching that jackass how to handle himself._ Taking a moment to adjust the make-shift hat of woven branches she wore, Ukyo frowned. _I'm also a little embaressed to admit this, but I'm also disappointed that nobody's spotted me by now. It's so obvious._ _You'd think they'd notice a bush growing in the middle of the field like this._

Ukyo indeed was hiding in a little clump of bushes in the middle of the field, not a hundred feet away from the morning mob battle. And amazingly, several of the late mob boys had ran right past her as if it was perfectly normal for a bush to be sitting there.

_I wish I'd thought to give him a good cover story, but how was I supposed to know the jackass would go running right up to her like that?_

-

"And you do this every morning?" Reclining on a small pile of baseball players, Mato tugged at his collar again. _How the hell does anyone get used to wearing these things? I don't mind the cut of the uniform, I guess it makes me look kinda badass, being in black and all. But the damn collar!_

"Pretty much." Sighing, Akane brushed off her skirt, then her bookbag. "There's only one thing left to deal with, and that's-"

"Akane Tendo! Truly, you are a veritable whirlwind of beauty. What soft through yo-"

"... Did he really just say what I thought he said?" Resting his head on one arm, he leaned back on his make-shift seat, Mato eyed the newcomer oddly.

"Yeah... Yeah he did." Sighing, Akane hung her head, waiting for Kuno to drone to a stop. "He does this every day."

_Oh man, this is such a switch compared to the Kuno I know. Holy crap is this one a blowhard._ Rolling his eyes, Mato listened to Kuno continue to ramble on and on. _ Oh God, he's still going at it? How long has it been?_ "Does this guy actually shut up at some point, or what?"

"You! Cur!" Kuno pointed his bokken, a displeased expression on his face.

"What, me or her?"

Kuno's eyes narrowed. "Surely a cur knows when he's being addressed. Who are you?"

"Me? I'm-"

"Wait. Is it not the custom to give one's own name first? Fine, then. Mine I shall give!" Kuno wrapped both hands around the hilt of his bokken. "I am the undefeated captain of this school's kendo club; a rising new star in the high school fencing world!" Shifting his grip, Kuno began lifting the point of the wooden sword. "The sound of my voice strikes fear into the hearts of my enemies. My peers call me the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" Lifting the bokken over his head, a crack of thunder echoed throughout the school yard, as a bolt of blue tinted lightning flashed behind him. "Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen."

"...I... See..." Sweatdropping, Mato turned to look at Akane. "...And, he does this _every_ time he talks to someone?"

Akane merely nodded, sighing.

"How dare such a low-born peasant be so familiar with the virtuous Akane Tendo. Foul knave, have at you!"

Mato's right eye _twitched_. _Did he really just call me 'low-born'? Now that's a laugh riot._ Standing up, he brushed his clothes off. "Look, I really d- eep!" Finally noticing that Kuno was charging at him, Mato dropped into a crouch and covered his head.

Tragically, Kuno was going a little too fast, and put a bit much into his swing to stop himself in time, and tripped over Mato. Flying head over heels, he landed in a little heap of morning mob members.

"Wow. That was pretty damn easy." Standing up, Mato turned around and started to brush himself off. "I- aw crap." Kuno was already back on his feet and charging again. _Just about as tough as the one I know. At least that's familiar._ Mentally shaking his head, Mato lashed out with a fist, aiming to pop Kuno right in the nose.

THWAP.

"Uh..." Mato blinked a few times, arm fully extended. "Didn't see that one coming." Kuno was flat on his back, floored from a single punch to the face. And Mato...

"Ow." Had just punched Ranma Saotome in the back of the head.

_Oh, this can't be good._

-

_That jackass!_ Seething from her little portable bush, Ukyo dug her fingers into the ground, clenching her hands. Everything had been going so well, until Kuno showed up. Now that jackass had just gone and picked a fight with Ranma. _This isn't good._

-

Another chapter done! Slightly longer than the last few by about a page or so. A bit of trag... Well, something very tragic came to my attention when I was writing the last page, but I chugged along again after a few hours of brooding. Don't say I never did anything for you people.

Review replies!

swk3000- Nearly missed this reply 'cuz I scrolled the list too fast! Near blunder on my part! Yeah, I'm pretty big on irony, and massive understatement. I also use the word 'ow' a lot in conjunction with the latter, as I'm sure you've noticed by now. Ranma, or Ryoga? The opinions are pretty even on the matter, to be honest. Irony is great, but delicious irony is so much better, and less filling too!

SithKnight-Galen- Glad to know I haven't repelled my most dedicated reader. You got your wish, as Mato hits Furinkan this chapter. But you already know that, right? Unless you skipped to the end of the chapter just to read the replies first. I hadn't thought about how wrinkled old toad, happy, and doc 'god please don't treat me while Kasumi is here!' would react to the newcomer. You've given me something to think about, so thanks! Expect to see that being addressed in future chapters. And yes, it will add to the complications... EVERYTHING adds to the complications in Nerima.

Just a note, as an aside. Saffron wasn't a god, he was a phoenix/human hybrid. Gods are much higher on the power scale. Trust me.

anyahibiki- Thanks. And, really... Wouldn't it ruin the story for you if I answered that question? Be honest, you'd be happier figuring it out on your own, wouldn't you?

NatalieEGH- Glad you see promise in my work. But it's not gonna be anything like Alladin... No puffy pants. Ha!

Silence Speaks- First of all; Wow. Glad you spent the time doing that review, as it were. Kinda sad that since you'll never come back here, you won't read this... And that being the case, lemie tell you what I _really_ think of you. Nah, kidding. Yeah, Mato looks like Ryoga. Why? I like his hair, that's why. As for Ukyo's feelings for the 'new guy'...

Anyone? Show of hands. Did anyone see any romance hints there, or did it all just come off as a chance to tell Ukyo her breath stinks? Also, the eyes. The eyes and the breath. Our two main elements are surprise, and trickery. And bad jokes. Our three, three main elements are...

Lastly, I find it a little funny how you assume you know how this is going to all turn out. Sometimes people can tell, and sometimes they can't. I just always find it funny when people tell me I'm predictable. Mainly because I'm usually getting yelled at for NOT being predictable, but I guess you'd have to know me better to know that... So, yeah... I forgive you. Er, I would forgive you, if you were to ever come back so I could forgive you.

...Boy, I sure ramble a lot, don't I? NEXT READER!

Piratella- Ok, you KINDA asked a question in there, so you squeaked in under the radar. Yes, Ryoga's face, and yes, Mato does come off as very off the wall, doesn't he? Glad you enjoy it, please continue to read and worship me... Er, my writing, yeah.

Review replies over! If I missed somebody who actually asked a question instead of awesomely heaping praise on me, I'm sorry. Leave a message, and I'll not only reply to both, I'll also issue a (semi) personalized appology too.

I'll bet a few of you, and one in particular, can see what's gonna come up next. How's it gonna turn out? Will it end in blood? Can I POSSIBLY milk this thing for anymore than I already have? Oh, you just KNOW that last one's a YES.

Next chapter of 'Be careful what you wish for'; Ranma Vs Mato- part one of the 'awesome asskicking fight scenes with killer special effects!

Or am I just gonna cop out within the first paragraph and REALLY piss off all my fans?

... OH God, I hope not. I need that ego stroking I get from checking my traffic every week.

Oh, also; I do not own the song used midway through the chapter. That's Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls. Yes, I know it's weird to see a disclaimer at the end, but who are we kidding? If you came in here and thought I really owned these characters, I'd be getting you a shot of thorazine so FAST...

Oh, also, I own Mato Hibiki. He's mine. Him, the backstory, and the art too. Well, not the art. Any art you find on the internet is not mine, so don't sue, ok? Just enjoy it.

... Bet I'll get a few comments on that last one for sure.

...And a whole page of post script? Geez, do I ever ramble on...

...You're still reading this? What the hell? The good stuff ended like, a page and a half ago.

... Seriously, either leave a review, or go read it again, or something. Or read some of my other works. Or learn origami.

... The joke's starting to run a little stale now, isn't it?

Ok, then why are you still reading this? Come on, my hands are getting tired.

...Also, I'm running out of lines here.

Um, I really like Morgan Freeman's voice. That man has got to be the literal voice of God. Just awesome sounding.

Yappappa, yappappa...

Still here? Fine, one last one, and then you go home. Ok?

...War, war never changes.

Ok, that was it. Go play now. Unless you're sending in art for the fic, this is all you get. It's over now, there is no more. And by that I mean this chapter. Geez, don't take everything so literally...


	5. Chapter 5

"Oh. So, where are you from?"

"Um, Aomori?"

"Isn't that a little far to the north to be moving to Nerima for school?"

"Er, Sapporo?"

Sweatdrop. "That's even _farther_ north."

"Beijing?"

"... That's in China."

"Is it? Ah heh heh heh... Guess that's why I'm here for school then?"

Sighing, Ranma perched up on the wall that enclosed the schoolgrounds. _I can't believe that Akane's so dumb... Sapporo's SOUTH of Aomori... Isn't it?_ Blinking, Ranma mulled over Japanese geography while the two battled the morning horde. The fact that Akane was right, and Ranma had no idea where Aomori was had little to with martial arts, but went a long way to explaining his grades.

After a little more pounding, and talking, neither of which Ranma had much interest in, Kuno showed up. And started babbling. _Ugh, here we go again. Wonder what's for dinner tonight?_ And on, and on, and on, and on. And, Ranma started feeling a little sleepy listening to it all. Kuno was so far beneath him at this point, there was no sense in going down there and dealing with him. _Even Akane's good enough to han-_ Blinking, Ranma's attention snapped back to reality.

"How dare such a low-born peasant be so familiar with the virtuous Akane Tendo. Foul knave, have at you!"

"Look, I really d- eep!"

Just in time to see Kuno bowl right over the new guy. _Oh great._ Flexing his legs, Ranma launched himself over most of the morning mob, easily clearing seventy feet in a single bound. _Can't have Kuno knockin' people's heads off this early in the morning._ Turning as he dropped between the two, Ranma smacked Kuno right between the eyes just as the upperclassman was making a second charge. Clearly pleased with himself, Ranma smirked as he opened his mouth to-

THWAP!

Bite his tongue. "Ow." For a moment, Ranma just stood there, a little confused. _Why's the back of my head hur-_ Then the Saotome thought process kicked in, and he whipped around. "What the heck was that for?!"

"How was I supposed to know you were gonna drop in all 'death from above' style like that?"

"I _always_ drop in like that!"

"Well it's my first friggin' day as a student here, gimmie a break!"

Grumbling a little, Ranma sized up the new kid. _Not worth it. Akane'd probably flatten him in one shot anyway._ That didn't mean he was just going to let it go. "You punched me in the back of the head." The Saotome ego matched the Saotome thought process, nobody really wanted either of them after they saw them in action.

"Yeah, I know. I was there."

Apparently, the new kid had yet to learn how things worked around Nerima. You didn't tick off the best damn martial artist in town on your first day. "What the heck's that supposed to mean? You _punched_ me!"

"I said I was sorry!"

"No you didn't!"

"Yes I did!"

"No you didn't!"

"No I didn't!"

"Yes you did!"

"Ha! Ok, you're right, fair enough." Smirking, the new kid brushed off his uniform and spun on his heel, walking away. "We'll just leave it at that."

"..." Dumbfounded, Ranma just stared at his back for a few seconds, brain seizing up. _So... I won then?_

"... You do realize he tricked you, right?" Akane was brushing off her bookbag as she glanced over at Ranma.

"...He what?"

Sighing, Akane shook her head and began walking towards the school. "Idiot." Walking, and then _sprinting_ when the bell ran. "AUGH! We're late again!"

-

"-And since we have a new student today, I expect you all to be on your best behavior. No slacking and goofing off just because I'm a substitute, got it?" Balding, short, and stocky. "I don't want to have to leave a note for your teacher." It seemed that all substitute teachers in Nerima were either beautiful women, or middleaged men in collared shirts with short sleeves.

And since it was _definitely not_ a beautiful woman filling in today, most of the students didn't really care. Not that most of the students cared much at all, really. With Nerima's track record for accidents, brawls, hauntings, explosions, property damage both minor and major, mostly major, fires, floods, kidnappings, medium rate instant re-landscaping, property turnover due to gambling debts, the selling of children to pay off restaurant bills, childhood rivals with grudges over stupid things...

Y'know what? It's just faster to say most of the problems with the town rolled in on Genma Saotome's heels, and made themselves bunkmates with his fat panda ass in the Tendo dojo.

"Good. Alright, you can come in now." The door softly creaked open, and a very tall and shaggy haired boy wearing a school uniform stepped into the room. "Stand up front and introduce yourself."

"Um, how?"

_Oh great, another slow student_. "Give your first and last names, say hello, and maybe tell everyone a few things about yourself." _I'll be out of here in a day or two, so go ahead and babble. Less time I actually have to work._ "Likes, dislikes, a hobby. Where you came from and why." _And I'll just be over here, pretending I give a damn while earning twenty-five percent bonus pay for agreeing to work in this crappy little town._

"Oh, um..." Dipping into a low bow, the student flashed a grin. _I think I may regret this._ "Mato Hibiki, charmed, I'm sure." Straightening up, he dipped his head as he did to hide the grimace on his face. _Oh yeah, all that muttering can't be a good sign. Yay._ "I'm from... Uh, a long ways away, and this is my first time wearing a school uniform. The collar's a bit tight."

"Likes, dislikes, hobby." The sub reminded the boy as he sat at his desk. He planned on milking this for as long as he could, mainly because he was a lazy schmuck. Probably why they sent him to Nerima, is seemed to be the Springfield of Japan. Also because when they handed out the job, he was the only one dumb enough to ask 'how much?' and not think to follow up with 'why the hell is it so high? Is there a catch? Am I likely to be thrown through a wall within the first four hours of the school day beginning?' and all the other sensible questions anyone familiar with the gesture of nervously tugging one's collar or possessing a single shred of common sense would do.

"Oh, um... I like, uh, long walks on the beach, sunsets, and women who can give a good- oh, it's not like a personal ad?" Resisting the urge to smirk, Mato shook his head. "I like, hmm... Stuff, I guess. I don't like annoying people, stupid people, or know-it-alls. Also, I hate jerks, the occasional bully, and people who assume they know me or what I'm thinking." _I also hate being roped into doing crap like this, doing good deeds because of being guilted into them, or being yanked out of my damn body because __**it's too nice**__._ If it were possible to _think_ in an extremely mocking tone, Mato would've easily pulled it off. _At the very least, I wish I could've kept the contents of my damn pockets. Violating the very laws of space my ass._

"Hobby, why you came-" Sluuuurp. "To Nerima." Setting down his coffee cup, the sub leaned back in his chair, the very image of a model teacher setting a good example. If the chair could've derisively snorted, it would have, and would have quickly been outdone by the desk's huff of annoyance at the lack of a coaster.

"Hobby? I don't really have a hobby, unless you count bleeding involuntarily? No? Ok, then I'll just move on to the last one." His lips twisted into an odd sort of expression; half-grin, half-sneer. "I'm here to grant some lucky girl the life of her dreams, to give up my very soul for her, if need be. What I want... Really matters little, in the end." He put just enough melancholy into his voice, and just the right amount of angst onto his face to make half the girls in the class sigh and begin to daydream about having someone like that. The other half of the female students were glancing at each other, trying to figure out if he was just saying that, or if he actually had a girl in mind.

The boys... Well, most of them were either sleeping, or just plain ignoring him.

One in particular was daydreaming about beating the crap out of several people that annoyed him, and then having an early lunch. Let's be honest here, it was Ranma. Par for the course.

"Yes yes, very nice." And of course, the sub hadn't heard more than three words of it. Being the dedicated civil servant, he was thinking about where he'd put the new student. "There's an empty desk back there, sit there for now." And then he went back to important teacher-like thoughts. A vacation to Hawaii, a million bucks, and his own private jet.

"Uh, right." Nodding, Mato ran his hand through his shaggy bangs as he walked over to the empty desk. _And right about, six seconds from now, something's gonna go horribly wrong. Five, four, three, tw-_ Just as he was seating himself, it happened.

Ukyo, having been late from sneaking slowly across the field in her bush, picked that exact moment to leap in through the open window. Being a typical Neriman martial artist, she was both swift and agile. In an instant, Ukyo bounded in, leaped halfway across the classroom, and landed easily in her chair at her desk in a relaxed and utterly not-late-and-trying-to-act-natural-to-cover-for-it-so-stop-staring-at-me-jackass position.

"Uh..." _Huh, just a hair over a second off. Go figure._

There was a semi-strangled gurgle, and the entire class turned to look at what was making the noise. For nearly an entire minute, dead silence filled the room, as several dozen pairs of very wide eyes stared at a particularly shocking sight.

Ukyo, who had done the gurgling and was blushing a bright flaming red, had picked a rather poor position to sit in. She'd decided to look casual when she jumped in through the window, and her attention had been nearly entirely focused on making sure she'd gotten in without the teacher seeing her. As it was, her brain was banging back and forth between first and second gear without clutching.

Everyone stared. Nobody made a peep.

Least of all Ukyo, who was sitting in her chair, slumped back a little. Legs crossed and sticking out into the empty space between her row and the one Akane sat in. _Oh God, oh God, oh God._ One arm was draped over the back of her seat, the other was pressed palm down on the middle of her desk. _Oh God, oh God, oh God. Why me? Why?_ _Please don't let Ran-chan see me like this._

The only problem with that was that the empty desk in the classroom had been hers, and that she'd moved so fast, she hadn't had the chance to notice that Mato was going for that seat as well. Well, that was a lie. The actual problem was that Ukyo had sat down first, and now not only was Mato sitting in her _lap_, it also looked like she had intentionally slipped her arm halfway around him.

_I'll be honest here... Even I didn't see this one coming._ Looking only about half as stunned as everyone else did, Mato was still rather unsettled by the turn of events. _Wait, do people know she's actually a girl yet? 'Cuz we're both wearing boy's uniforms. Aw crap, does this make us look gay?_ Letting out a sigh, Mato hung his head. _With my luck, I'll end up having the same problem as Akane every morning now. This can't possibly get any worse._

"Look! They're gonna kiss!"

"Dude, shut up! You'll ruin the show!"

_...Ok, so I was wrong. Should've seen that one coming._

-

Had you all going with that fight scene thing, didn't I? As is, the tragic stuff in my life is only on hold right now. Sooner or later it'll come crashing back in, and I'm not sure I'm in the right place mentally to have a fistfight right now. A fistfight's a personal thing, y'know? For some people, it's the only real contact they make honestly with another person. It's not just a fight, sometimes it's your personality against another's.

Sometimes it's smashing your life against another person's life. And you batter away with all the pain, and emotion, and determination you've got.

Ok, this is getting a bit too... Y'know, much, for the post script.

Just a word of honesty here, I did look at a map to make sure my geography was accurate. The first try used Okinawa and hokkaido, but I didn't really feel like taking too much time, and dropping out of my writing mood. Also the teacher? Not important at all... If you really need a name to go with the character, let's call him... Oh, I don't know, let's say... Bill.

Yeah, I did drop in some teasing hints of background in there, didn't I? Just a clue or two, though. Maybe you'll piece them together yourself early on, or maybe you won't get it until much later on. Or maybe you'll never get it, and I'll have to write a couple of pages that string everything together for you. Maybe I'm too obscure or subtle, maybe you're more interested in seeing faux-yaoi action. Who knows?

Yes, faux-yaoi. For every one of us who first saw Ukyo and went 'GIRL!' there's another who went 'who's that dude?'. I'm in both camps, as Ukyo 'GIRL!' and Himura Kenshin 'that chick with the scars is kinda cute...Huh? What? ...Oh.' So, yeah. Whoops. And I swear to god, I'll horribly kill anyone who claims I spoiled anything for them by saying Ukyo was a girl. It's been ten years people! Get with the damn times already!

For god's sake, the little blonde kid is Darth Vader! It's thirty years old! You have NO excuse at all if you're twenty years older than me and came alone to see the movie! Argh!

... Ok, sorry, sorry. I've just been needing to get that one off my chest. My first outburst the day I saw episode one for the first time really didn't do it, since I was trying to watch the movie. Here, lemmie spoil some more stuff for you. Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father. It was Earth all along. Soylent Green is people. Slurm comes from a giant worm's behind. Cher wears a wig. Kirk dies. Spock's half human. The cake is a lie. Zero's dies a dozen times, they were all practice deaths. Reavers are human. The zebra did it. The Dark Tower ends with a MAJOR COP OUT. There is no King novel with a lamp monster. Rosebud was his sled. Pi is exactly three.

Ok, I lied with that last one, and I got kinda carried away with that little rant, sorry. Back to normal stuff.

Review reply time!

First of all, thanks and you're welcome to everyone who liked the story thus far. Yes, I didn't need to use something that grandiose just to say 'thanks' but dammit, you're worth it.

My-name-is-foxglove- Ok, you didn't ask any questions, but I'm doing a rare flip here. Where'd you see the romance? I know this sounds odd, but a lot of times, when people create a story or a character, they don't see some of the things they put in there. I guess this is a bit of a shout-out to any interested readers, heck, I might even make it a mini-contest.

I'll also level with everyone here, I'm a bit befuddled by romance. I tried to create the totally opposite of a romance story, I called it 'anti-love'... I even showed it to someone I KNOW is impartial, and even hits me some times (only when it's comedicly appropriate, so don't worry, I'm not being abused) and guess what? I failed. I'd written a damn romance anyway. DAMMIT! Vent vent angst.

Moving on.

Uh, where was I? Oh, right. Mary-sue. Not nearly as funny as an idiot hero, I've learned. Right? Ranma's more of a Sue-marie am I right? I'm claiming that phrase! Dibs!

SithKnight-Galen- Ooooh, somebody put on their thinking cap and clever pants when they wrote this one. Get yourself a nice shirt and a pair of witty shoes and you're set. I note with particular relish that you used the words 'powers that be'. Anyone who's familiar with a certain work or two that likes to drop that particular phraise- cough cough JW Cough cough might perhaps be able to see a little deeper into my web of plot... And fall into my trap! MWAHAHAHA! Yeah, Ranma though, glad you brought that one up.

I thought it was kinda obvious from the way Ranma took a punch to the back of the head, and didn't get a hint from his danger-detector (sixth sense, uh-oh-dar, whatever) that it was coming. Some people may brush Kuno off as a total idiot, and no threat at all. You may or may not be one of those people, I dunno. It IS important to remember that Kuno can do a serious amount of damage with that bokken of his. Shattering a streetlamp with air pressure alone is serious power.

My intent was to actually have Ranma come off as the mostly nice guy that he is. New student, roughly on the same level as Akane for all that's obvious, (though without 'gorilla' strength, as Ranma'd put it) there's no way he'd take a charging shot to the head and walk away from it. He hopped in to save the day, and tried to do it with flash and style. Didn't work out exactly as planned... I figured it was typical Ranma planning in action. Maybe I just didn't write that part very well. You be the judge.

The Azure Penguin- If it's so awesome, why aren't you in my personal cult? Seriously, you're missing important meetings. Why, I'll bet you don't even know when the bake sale is, do you? Just teasing, glad you're enjoying it.

Six-string Samurai- Yup, life's weird sometimes. Ah well, I survive. And you're getting it for FREE BUDDY! Check your complaints at the door when you're coming into MY world! Nah, kidding again, looking forward to your musings. Also, I always burn the midnight oil. All my best writing seems to get done between two and six in the morning. Go figure.

Anyway, that seems to just about wrap up all I've got to say about this one, I think. Don't worry, I won't drone on and on like I did at the end of last chapter. That was just me amusing myself, and screwing around with you all, seeing how much you could put up with all those obscure references.


	6. Chapter 6

"Uh, right."

Grinning, Ranma Saotome, heir to the school of Anything Goes martial arts, darted forward. Today was the day that he settled everything for sure, for once and for all. Cocking an arm back, he rapidly closed the distance between himself and his target. He wasn't even aware of his feet striking the ground, as he brought his arm forward in a blindingly fast arc.

"Uh..."

His hand closed in, and time itself seemed to slow down as his limb drew ever so closer to the mark. It was agonizingly slow to Ranma's high-speed perception of time, inch by torturous inch, seconds moved like a tortise crossing the Gobi desert.

And closed around the spoon buried in the biggest ice cream sundae known to mankind.

"Look! They're gonna kiss!"

"Dude, shut up! You'll ruin the show!"

Snorting, Ranma jerked his head up from his desk, blearily blinking his eyes. "Huh? Wuzzut?" Looking around the classroom slowly, he got the impression that everyone was staring at him. "Wuh?" Blinking a few more times, he took a more careful look. "Oh." Realizing at infact _nobody_ was staring at him, teacher included, Ranma concluded that it wasn't his problem, whatever it was, and went back to sleep. With a wooden _thonk_, his head struck the desk, and he was out like a light.

Speechless, Mato stared at the side of Ranma's head for a few moments. _I would've bet anything that that was the last thing I would have expected him to do. And, I guess, I would've won my bet? ...Against myself? Ok, time to turn off the introspection, this is getting a little silly._ Taking a deep breath, he thought for an instant as to what he should say.

_...One two three, take my hand and come with me, because you look so fine that I really wanna make you m- Oh God no, I can't say that. I don't even quite know how to make that music pop outta thin air... I should work on that. Musical numbers from nowhere really tend to distract everyone from the embarrassing stuff. Wait, would it work if I tried it with __Bon Jovi? Wait, no, no. I don't think any of them are fluent in English._

"So... What's the problem, exactly?" Blinking his wide green eyes at the rest of the class, Mato looked around, a bit puzzled.

"..."

Nobody actually _replied_, but really, Mato could tell when a heavy silence was hanging in the air over his head. "Ye-ah." Sighing, he just shook his head and reached down to pick up Ukyo's bookbag. "Whatever. It's math now, right?"

Dumbly, a couple of the students nodded, still staring.

"Hibiki, what do you think you're doing?" The sub, call him Bill, he looks like a Bill. Bill glared as he stood up and rested his hands on the desk before him. Bill always thought that looming over something made him seem more intimidating that way.

Ranma snorted in his sleep. In his dream, a man in a top hat was jabbing a cane at Ryoga, who was in the middle of trying to steal Ranma's sundae. Deciding he'd have none of that, Ranma launched himself at Ryoga. Nobody stole food from a Saotome and got away with it.

"Uh, borrowing this person's math book?" Digging around in the bag, Mato fished out the textbook and a pencil after a few seconds. "We _are_ doing math first, right?" The book was held poised to be replaced in the bag, as if he was merely waiting for conformation on the subject in question and nothing else was amiss.

"...Yes... Ahem, well..." Trailing off for a moment, Bill frowned. "Would you kindly tell me _why_ you're sitting in that student's lap?"

"Uh, because you _told_ me to sit here?" Arching an eyebrow, he turned up the intensity of his stare a little, lowering the textbook towards the desk a few inches.

"Yes, well. I told you to sit in an emp-"

"You told me to sit at this desk here. This _exact_ desk. Are you now gonna give me crap for doing what you told me to do?" Mato continued to stare intently at the sub, his eyes wide and gleaming faintly.

"We-" Clearing his throat, Bill broke eye contact, looking at the door. "Well... I just remembered, I need to speak to the Principal. Do some math or something." Turning, Bill walked over to the door, and slipped out into the hallway. Once the door clicked shut, he pressed his back against it and took a deep breath. It felt as if a piano had just been pulled off of his chest. _Gotta stop drinking so much coffee so early in the morning._ Shaking his head, Bill began walking down the hall, heading for the office.

"Tch." Shaking his head, Mato turned to glance at Ukyo for a moment. _That was pretty pathetic. I don't think I even used a tenth of m- eh?_ Blinking, he leaned a little closer to Ukyo's face.

"..." Ukyo, for her part, was still in shock. It didn't help that the entire experience was one of the most embarrassing in her entire life, but also, the whole lap thing? AWKWARD. And then she caught sight of a pair of big, bright green eyes staring at her. Startled, she flinched, as if someone had just slapped her on the nose. "Gah!"

"... 'Gah'?" Tilting his head, Mato blinked. "Whaddya mean 'gah'? Wha- oh." Blinking, he resumed staring at her. "Better?"

Swallowing, Ukyo nodded. "Uh, yeah." _What the hell was that?_ Swallowing again, she worked her tongue around in her mouth, trying to get some saliva going. _It was like he reached out and shoved my brain back against the inside of my head._ Her mouth still felt rather dry, and she resorted to lightly chewing on her tongue. _Seriously, wh... Wait._ Frowning, Ukyo leaned forward, squinting. "Your eyes are different."

"Huh?" Mato tilted his head a little more. "Wha-"

"Look! They're gonna kiss again!"

"Dude, shut up! You're gonna ruin the show! ...Again."

"Oh for the love of..." Pressing his hand to his face, Mato sighed and shook his head.

Blushing, Ukyo squirmed in her seat, mortified. She pushed a little past that when she realized how it looked to be squirming in her seat, and froze in place. Still, despite that, her mind was as sharp as ever. _I'm sure they were different a second ago._ Closing her eyes, Ukyo thought back.

-

_"Gah!"_

_Light green. "... Gah? Whaddya mean 'gah'? Wha- oh." Blink. "Better?" Dark green._

-

Frowning, Ukyo opened her eyes again, staring intently at the side of Mato's head. He was still covering his face with his hand, looking a little wearied. _I've heard of some people's eyes changing depending on what color they're wearing at the time, even changing depending on their mood a little._ Reaching down, she groped around a bit, managed to reach her ankle, and deal with the annoying itch on the back of her limb that had been bugging her for the past minute. _But bordering on glowing? That's something different... Must be some sort of martial arts technique._ Straightening up a bit, Ukyo crossed her arms over her chest. _But what sort of technique could-_

"Um, excuse me?"

"Hmm?" Ukyo blinked, looking at Mato, puzzled.

"Could you maybe, I dunno... NOT be hugging me at a time like this?"

"Wh- Ghk." Flushing bright red, Ukyo instantly realized the problem; one should not cross one's arms over one's chest when one is sharing lap space with another.

"Look! Th- OW!"

"Next time I hit you with the sharp end." Frowning, Mato turned his outstretched hand over from palm down, to palm up. "Now, gimmie back the pencil."

Groaning mentally, Ukyo hung her head, shaking it a little in disbelief. _There's no way I'm gonna last through a day of this. I know, I'll call in sick at lunchtime. Just gotta make it 'till lunch, just gotta make it 'till lunch, just gotta-_

"Um, hey?"

Ukyo didn't bother to lift her head, she didn't want to see what was the problem now. "What is it?"

"Given all that's gone wrong and all... You think you could stop nuzzling my back for a minute?"

"Ghk."

-

Whistling to himself, Mato ambled across the school grounds, heading for one of the lone trees that sat out near the outer wall. He'd snagged a bentou for lunch and he planned on enjoying some nice Japanese food in peace for once. Well, that _was_ the plan.

"Hey! Just where do you think _you're_ going mister?"

Glancing over his shoulder, he grinned. "Why, to lunch naturally, my dear Ukyo." Wagging his bentou at her, he continued walking.

"Oh no, I don't think so. We're going home right now." Fists on her hips, Ukyo didn't look the slightest bit amused about the day's events. "I couldn't stand putting up with the humiliation I've suffered today for another two and a half hours."

"That's good for you. I'm not skipping out on my first day of school. Not after putting on the damn uniform. When I put this uniform on, I took upon myself the duty, and honor of-"

"Yeah yeah, I read imported American comics too, sugar. Nice try." What Ukyo didn't mention was that she read bootleg copys of imported American comics, that didn't quite get the translations dead on. Given that she went to a rowdy, all-boys school for several years in the Kansai area, it's understandable.

"Whatever, you can go. I'm staying." With that, he turned to face forward again, walking towards his chosen lunch spot.

"I don't think so, braid-boy! We're leaving!" Coming up behind Mato, Ukyo dipped her hand into his collar, took a good firm grip on his pigtail, and started yanking him backwards with it, like it were a handle.

"Gak! Hey! Leggo Ukyo, that ain't a handle!" Flailing his free arm around, Mato began hopping backwards on one foot, kicking the other in a desperate attempt to remain upright.

"Ranma you bastard. I heard you were marrying Akane, but now I come all the way from Zimbabwe just to find out that you're two-timing on her?!"

Mato blinked, as did Ukyo, though her reaction was a little more surprised than his. "Wait... I know that voi-" Speaking in near-unison, Ukyo paused just before she finished the sentence, while Mato was struck by a hurtling yellow blur that was vaguely man-shaped, and sent flying into the air.

"...ce..." Sighing, Ukyo pressed a hand to her face, shaking her head in a wearied fashion. "...Hello Ryoga. I see you got your invitation too."

-

Still dozing at his desk with a somewhat goofy expression on his face, Ranma was now dreaming about gobbling the fifteen foot high sundae at a gluttonous pace. He was standing on a heap of defeated rivals, as well as his father, the Principal, and some guy in a bucket hat wearing wooden clog sandals.

"...aaaaaAAAAAAGHK!" One of the classroom windows shattered an instant before a human-shaped projectile slammed through a row of desks, and left an impact crater in the far wall. A trail of rubble was strewn along the way, since the body had also taken out the frame of the window it had come in, as well as a decent chunk of the outer wall.

Snorting, Ranma lifted his head, blinking his eyes sleepily. He could make out a few blurry shapes through the gunk in his eyes.

"Goddammit, that asshole." Climbing to his feet, Mato shoved the tangled remains of a metal desk frame off of his legs. "I knew this body was a total pile of junk the moment I got stuffed into it." Shaking fragments of glass out of his hair, he thumbed a long slice that ran from his right temple down to the left side of his jaw, slicking blood away from his skin.

Rubbing his eyes, Ranma blinked a few more times, staring at the apparent second him that was standing not eight feet away. He was wearing a torn up school uniform for some reason, he was bleeding from the face, and he was looking very pissed off. "Uhh..."

"Go back to sleep Ranma, I got this one." Grumbling, Mato started walking toward the hole he'd made in the building, brushing shards of glass and concrete dust from his torn uniform. "I swear to God, I'll never figure out why anyone would think it was a funny idea to make me related to that dick." Pausing for a moment just at the edge of the hole, he rested his hand on the wall, peering outside.

Ryoga was just standing out there, about three hundred feet out, talking to Ukyo.

_He's not even gonna bother to come and finish me off? Oooohhhhh, that goddamn bastard!_ Crouching down, Mato let himself tip forward over the edge of the hole in the wall. Once he was facing straight down at the ground, he straightened out his legs, the force of his leap making the concrete he'd pushed off of crackle. Hurtling out across the school grounds, he cocked an arm back, twisting his body a little in preperation to put every ounce of force he could muster into a single punch. "Ryoga, I'm GONNA KILL YOU!"

-

Ok, guilty, I put in the song just because I'd watched Eurotrip about an hour before I wrote that part.

Also, that's gotta be the shortest, and most immediately occurring flashback ever.

And this time, I can promise there's not gonna be a cop-out on this fight. The fight with Ranma didn't happen because, well... He just doesn't randomly pick fights without a reason. Note that I said 'a reason' not 'a _good_ reason'. Ryoga, on the other hand, is an idiot. Also, Mato doesn't seem to be very fond of him, though it could just be because he was knocked through a wall. That does have an effect on how people feel for you, from time to time.

I'll probably have Dr. Tofu show up in the next chapter, as somebody's gonna need a medic after the fight's over. I know one person wanted to see him showing up, so, cross your fingers, and hope somebody gets hurt really badly.

...Boy, that sounded a little wrong, didn't it? Screw it, MORTAL COMBAT!

Review replies!

My-name-is-foxglove- Yeah, well, I was gonna end up ranting anyway, so don't feel guilty. Oh, so romance is looking into someone's eyes eh? Fine! I'm gonna have everyone do that then; boys, girls, children, dogs, cats... Come to think of it, if I splash Shampoo, I could nail three of those at once.

anyahibiki- I try to keep character's actions reasonable to how they're supposed to react, so it's good to hear that I'm keeping on track, thanks. Also, yes, complicated. And, I don't think they got out of the situation, as much as Ukyo felt very humiliated for about three hours. Poor girl.

SithKnight-Galen- Jumbo the popcorn, I want some too! Besides, Ranma 1/2 was always a coming of age martial arts thing, right? It's everything awesome rolled up into one! Heh, yes, Illuminati is an interesting phrase, isn't it? And for the record, having a battle of the wits against Ranma is like swatting a fly with a Buick. Wait, let's see how Mato would answer that one...

"I'd duel Ranma in a battle of the wits, but c'mon... I've got a rocket launcher, and he's unarmed, it's not a fair fight."

"HEY!"

"What? You're an idiot."

Um, yeah, sad. You'll probably note a lot of people ignoring poor Mato. He tends to take it in stride, I guess he's used to it by now. Nobody ever pays attention to the guy who says 'told ya so' do they?

Baitdcat- Glad you like it. Also, yes, The Dark Tower ended awhile ago. Major cop out. Thank you Wikipedia, for saving me about fifty bucks.

James Birdsong- Yes, yay.

Six-string Samurai- Ok, maybe Cher doesn't wear a wig, I dunno. But I do know this; you promised a concise review, and you lied. Hence, you get the Cher wig comment. Shame on you.

Rose1948- They're all good ones, really.

GONG!


	7. Chapter 7

"...Hello Ryoga. I see you got your invitation too."

Blink. "Invitation? What invitation?" Ryoga Hibiki, the eternally lost boy gave Ukyo a puzzled look.

"You know, the one to Ranma and Akane's wed-" It was at that very moment that Ukyo realized that she'd made a very big mistake. She'd just blown her chance to distract Ryoga, as he'd seemed to forget for an instant why he'd come to Nerima.

"... Right! That two-timing bastard! He'll pay for doing that to Akane!" Ryoga bared his fangs in a snarl. As usual, he wasn't that bright, and had a one-track mind. He'd been so elated over sending 'Ranma' flying with one punch, that'd he'd completely forgotten why he was punching him in the first place.

"Ryoga, have you ever even had a girlfriend before?" Ukyo had a feeling that she already knew what the answer was.

Blushing, Ryoga fidgeted for a moment or two. "Um, well... That's a little pers-"

"Ryoga, I'm GONNA KILL YOU!" A fist rocketed in out of nowhere and slammed into Ryoga's face, sending him skidding across the school grounds for a dozen yards.

"Geep!" Stepping back, Ukyo held up a hand in shock. Her other had instinctively reached for her battle spatula. "You scared the hell out of me sugar. I-" Gasping, she just stared, shocked at the state her 'guardian angel' was in.

"Get back up dammit! I'm not finished with you yet!" Slicking his thumb along the length of the bloody slash that angled down his face, Mato brushed his ragged uniform off with the other hand. There were rips everywhere, and where there wasn't rips, there was concrete dust. Everywhere else was covered in blood.

"Rgh, Ranma!" Jumping onto his feet, Ryoga charged in blindly, like he always did when he was mad. Bringing his fist around, both he and Mato struck at the same time, though it was the latter who caught the worst of it.

Sent skipping along the school grounds by the force of Ryoga's blow, Mato dug his fingers into the turf to slow himself down. _Dammit, this crapstorm of a body isn't going to hold up for much longer._ Hauling himself to his feet, he looked around. _I need a bright idea._ _I've got about five seconds before he rips me in two, and I've got jack to work wi- oh ho ho! There's an idea. A bright idea indeed._ Smirking, Mato vaulted into the air, using Ryoga's shoulders as a springboard just as the lost boy narrowly missed caving his chest in with another wild swing. "Catch me if you can, moron."

"Ranma!" Growling, Ryoga spun around on his heel and charged off... In the wrong direction. "Get back here damn you!" Realizing that the wall surrounding the school was in his path, he flexed his legs, leaping high enough to easily vault over it in a single bound.

"SURPRISE!" Appearing from behind the wall, Mato whipped his arms around, and slammed the steel lamp post he was carrying right into Ryoga's face. The force of the blow was enough to send the other boy flying back onto the school grounds again. Smirking, Mato shouldered the dented post and stood atop the wall, surveying his work for a moment. "Oh yeah, that felt great." _Hah, even knew exactly which way he was gonna get lost too, DAMN I'm good._ Hopping down from the wall, he casually strolled over towards Ryoga.

Shaken for a moment, Ryoga turned over and put a hand to his face. The fact that 'Ranma' would stoop so low as to using a weapon like that... It was unfair! Nevermind that Ryoga stooped that low all the time, it was the _principle_ of the thing. "...Ranma, you..." Jumping to his feet, Ryoga charged in again.

"Want another taste? Fine!" Hauling the post off of his shoulder, Mato brought it around in a brutally swift arc, aiming to knock Ryoga's head clear off his shoulders. _Swing for the fences, and-_

Ryoga simply caught the post, gripping it tightly with both arms. "How DARE you resort to such dirty tricks!" Growling, he began pulling on the post, the steel groaning from the strain they were putting on it.

"Oh, you want the usual sort of thing? Fine!" Freeing one hand, Mato slapped it down onto the post. "Bakusai Tenketsu revised; glass breaker!" There was a faint crackle, then the entire steel post shattered as if it were made of ordinary glass, and Ryoga sprawled backward onto the ground.

Shocked, Ryoga just laid there for a few seconds, sputtering. "Wh, wha, what?" Sitting up slowly, he stared at the remains of the post that littered the ground. "How?" Standing up, his gaze slowly rose along with him, fixing on 'Ranma's' face.

"Easy, dork. Same way I'm doing this one." Grinning, Mato swept his arms around in an elegant flowing gesture. "Hiryu Shoten Ha double revised; horizontal railgun ripper!" Thrusting his palm forward, a perpendicular corkscrew of wind burst out, staggering Ryoga for a moment. The real aim of the altered technique kicked in quickly, and the shattered steel shards of the lamp post were picked up and flung through the air, pelting Ryoga in rapid succession.

Between the wind, and the steel shrapnel, Ryoga didn't last very long before he tumbled backwards heels over head a few times and lay motionless on the ground. It probably wouldn't have been so easy, if he hadn't been caught by surprise by the techniques 'Ranma' had so suddenly whipped up on him.

"Hah." After a moment, the wind died dawn and Mato surveyed his work, again. Planting a fist on his hip, his shaggy bangs and ragged clothing ruffled in a dramatic breeze, created by him, naturally. "Piece of cake." And then the pain he'd been pushing aside caught up with him. Choking down on a grunt, he stood there stubbornly. _Great, knowing my luck, I'll just bleed to death right here. Super._ Closing his eyes, he simply flopped onto his back, not bothering to fight to stay conscious any longer. _Tch, it's not like I have anything left anyways. I can't believe it took so much out of me just to get through that idiot. Tch, stupid junker of a body._

And everything went black, as it always did.

-

Snorting, Ranma opened his eyes. A faint tremble had disturbed his sleep. Lifting his head, he could sense something of great importance in the air. He knew then and there that what he was about to witness was one of the greatest things in his young life. Ignoring all distractions around him, he bounded out the hole in the wall, and sprinted out across the school grounds. _This is it! This is the moment I've been waiting so long for! Finally! Finally! The day is here at last!_

Skidding to a stop, Ranma stared at what he'd been hungering for for so very long. Raising his hands, he reached out to claim that which he'd sought. _Half-price noodle tuesday! _

As usual, Ranma was thinking with his stomach, no real surprise there.

Walking out of the cafeteria with his arms loaded down with bowls of noodles, Ranma looked back at his classroom, and noticed for the first time the big hole in the side of the building. "Holy cow! Did we have an earthquake or somethin'?"

-

"...Cracked both femur and bone splin-... Amazing tha-... Hadn't ruptured... Lost a lot of blood... Oh yes, tea would be lovely, tha-..."

_I swear to God, if this is another coma, I'm gonna be so pissed_.

"Oh, no no. He should be fine, all things considered." Slurp. "I'll just go get the IV bag, and start up a drip for him." Clatter. Footsteps starting, then fading away.

_Huh, guess not. Maybe my senses were just outta wack. OH! Duh. I'd bled everything dry, of course I wouldn't have enough energy to heal and function normally. Let's see, how much did I fix up already?_

A door opening, a bell softly tingling, and footsteps.

_Tch, that's not very much at all, lame. Sigh, oh well. Where the hell am I now? Lessee... Door with a bell, gotta be a business or something. Oh, right. I got splattered pretty good, gotta be a clinic or something. But where-_

"Yo, Ucchan! I heard you were down here, what's up?"

_Oh great, just what I needed._

-

"Ran-chan!" Taking her chance, Ukyo was across the room and clinging to Ranma in a heartbeat. _Hehehe, worked like a charm._ "I was so worried. I didn't know who else to all and-"

"_Excuse me_? Do you really need to be hanging off of him like that?"

"Oh, hello Akane. I see you came too." A little reluctantly, Ukyo released her deathgrip on Ranma and stepped back a pace. "How nice of you." _Ok, so that plan didn't work out like I thought it would._

"Ranma dragged me here. I don't see how an-" Gasping in horror, Akane stared at the clinic bed. "What happened to Mato?"

"Who?" Blinking, Ranma tilted his head a little, puzzled.

Akane sighed, shaking her head as she walked over to the bedside. "The new student from this morning, remember?"

"Uh, no?" Typical Ranma. He did, however, walk over to stand next to Akane. "Woah, is he dead? OW!" Rubbing his shoulder, he glared at Akane. "What was that for?"

Resisting the urge to punch him again, Akane looked down at the battered student, wincing in sympathy. "What happened to him?"

Rolling her eyes, Ukyo walked over to join the couple. _Oh please, he's fine._ "Oh, nothing much. Just a little run-in with Ryoga, that's all."

Ranma leaned over, reaching out to poke at the long row of stitches running on an angle over Mato's face. "Man, he looks like crap." He yanked his hand back after Akane slapped him before he could actually do any poking. "He's lucky he didn't lose an eye or somethin' with a cut like that."

Fisting her skirt, Akane stood there a trifle numbly, unsure of how to feel. "Did Dr. Tofu say how bad it was?"

Sighing mentally, Ukyo rolled her eyes again. "Yeah. Both arms broken in several places, cracked and broken ribs, some minor damage to his spine. A hundred and six stitches in his face, about eighty more all over his body from minor cuts. There might be some bruising to his liver, kidneys, and spleen, maybe." Ukyo shook her head. "Nothing major really."

"Nothing major? That's a serious understatement."

The three Neriman martial artists collectively jumped about three feet into the air in shock at the voice coming from nowhere. "Gyah!"

"Oh, sorry. Did I startle you?" Dr. Tofu stepped in between Ukyo and Ranma, setting a clear plastic bag filled with fluid on the bedside. "As I was saying..." Unwinding a thin plastic tube, the doctor began straightening it out. "That's a serious understatement. On their own, most of the injuries sustained are relatively minor for a martial artist, true." Pulling out a slim needle head, he began fitting it into one end of the tube. "Combined like this, it's seriously life-altering damage."

"Will... Will he ever walk again Doctor?" Akane put a hand to her mouth, fearing the worst. True, she had only met the boy that morning, but he seemed nice enough. _I guess it's true, bad things do happen to good people. The movies were right after all._

"Hm? Oh, yes. There's no need to worry about that sort of thing." Fitting the other end of the tube to the bag, Dr. Tofu scooped up the bag and hung it on a metal rod hung from the ceiling. "But his body has suffered serious shock. I doubt he'll ever be able to practice martial arts again." Humming a little, the doctor produced a small roll of breathable tape and began placing a few strips on one side of the needle head.

There was utter silence from the trio of Nerimans. The thought of never being able to practice martial arts was the horror of horrors to them. Well, it was number two for Ukyo, coming in just a hair behind never being able to cook again. Still pretty terrifying though.

"So, anyone who's squeemish, look away while I put this needle in his arm." Reaching down, Dr. Tofu picked up Mato's hand by the wrist.

"Um, doc? What's in the bag, water?" Ranma wasn't much for... Anything involving academics, really.

"Oh, no. It's saline solution. When I attach this little hose, it drips in and provi-" Blinking, Dr. Tofu looked down. There was something on his arm that felt tight.

"Hope you're not plannin' on stickin' me with that thing." Groaning a little, Mato forced himself to sit half-way up, grunting as the effort became too much for him to handle. "Ok, seriously here... Ow."

"You shouldn't be trying to move, you've taken several seri-" Again, Dr. Tofu was cut off. Not that he really deserved it, he was a pretty helpful guy to have around when you've been smacked all to hell.

"I know, I know. Busted up all over. Believe me, I'm aware." Clenching his teeth, Mato forced himself the rest of the way up. _Ok, that took a little more out of me than I thought._

"Are you feeling ok?" Concerned still, Akane moved in a little closer. "Is there anything we can do for you?"

"Uh, no. Hello? Ow?" Shaking his head, then wincing at the pain that motion sent rippling down his spine, Mato focused on just sitting still and breathing shallowly. "And yeah, gimmie a mirror."

"Oh, here." From his pocket, Dr. Tofu produced a slim mirror in a plastic case. Upon noticing all the stares he was getting, he smiled. "You wouldn't believe how often people ask a doctor for a mirror these days. Must be all those imported American movies."

Taking the mirror, Mato stared at it for a moment, then lifted it up to look at his reflection. "Gah." Staring blankly, he set the mirror down, then picked it back up again. "You gave me _stitches_? What the hell man?" Irritated, he began poking at the edges of the slash, wincing at every stinging prod.

"Well, it was either that, or let it stay open, it crusts over, gets infected, and you die." For a doctor talking about such morbid things, Dr. Tofu was a very upbeat person.

"Tch, don't take it the wrong way. I just usually heal up fine by now." _But stitches? C'mon. I must have really been tapped out if he had to resort to something like that._

"Well, I'm afraid with the amount of damage your body has taken, it's li-"

"Yeah yeah, liver, spleen, I got it." Frowning, Mato tilted his head this way and that. "Somebody grab me a pair of sissors, or something with a sharp edge, would ya?"

"I really suggest you leave those in, unless you want it to take a much longer time to heal." Frowning, Dr. Tofu considered the IV in his hands for a moment, then unhooked it from the rod. Setting the bag down on a nearby table, he pulled out a slim pair of short bladed sissors. "If this is what you really want..." Leaving that hanging for a moment, he snipped the knotted end of the stitches when his impatient paitient irritatedly indicated towards his face.

"All this is doin' for me, is slowing down the process doc." Reaching up, he took one end of the stitches, and slowly began to draw them out of his face. "Oh, also. You're all sworn to secrecy on this and junk. Or I'll totally come for you when you're sleeping." Smirking, he wound up the thread on his fingers as he drew it out of his skin.

-

Across town, EVIL stirred.

Well, or maybe Panda-Genma rolled over, scratched his ass, and went back to sleep.

Whatever. Close enough.

-

"So, that a secret technique you can teach me, or..." Cradling a bowl of noodles in his lap, Ranma sat at the foot of Mato's bed. True to form, he was trying to weedle the secret of the technique out through the tried and true strategy of 'being subtle'. Subtle for a Saotome, that is.

"Sorry Sao-" Slurrrrp. "-Tome, but it's not like that." _Leave it to Ukyo to be carrying a portable grill around in her bookbag. No wonder it was so damn hard to dig anything out of there._ "Sure, I burn a lot of energy to get the healing process done, but you need to know how the body works really well."

"Hah, that's nothin'. I know my body works really well. Better'n' yours." As usual, Ranma had totally missed the point of the statement.

"I mean like, organic chemestry. Biology. Cellular division, blood count, cardio, pul-" Frowning, Mato shook his head when Ranma's eyes started to spin so much that they looked like a pair of little swirls. "You need to know how everything inside of you works, and then you need to know where to focus to fix all that."

"Oh." Looking a little down, Ranma started picking at his food. After a moment, he glanced over at the girls to see what they were doing. Oddly enough, Akane and Ukyo were just eating normally, and sitting quietly, like nothing were amiss.

Yeah, right.

"Besides, you also need a buttload of chi to burn on the whole process." Sigh. _Something I'm seeming to lack right now. God, how much did it take before? Was it really this much? Nah, more likely that I'd never noticed the drain, since I had so much to blow before. Ugh, it's gonna take so much training to... Wait. Maybe I should take the chance to work on some of that other stuff I was thinkin' about, before this all happened. Maybe tha'd widen up my channels a bit._

"Whatever, it can't be all that much. It's not like you're any stronger than Ucchan." Clueless as ever, Ranma had no idea that what he'd said had made Ukyo start glaring at the side of his head, as if she was contemplating what to chuck at him. She was, and the bedpan next to her was looking like a very good choice, but that wasn't the point.

"Waitasec... You're saying that my Chi is weaker than even Ukyo's?" Shocked, Mato stared at Ranma like he'd grown three heads or something.

"Urgh, I'm not _that weak_ dammit." Huffing, Ukyo crossed her arms over her chest and turned away. Clearly, she was miffed at the idea that she was weaker than anyone. _'Even Ukyo'? Oooh, those jackasses!_

"Yup. That's probably why I didn't sense you at all before now. You've always been hangin' around with Ucchan, right?"

"Huh. Wait, so that means..." _So that means none of my control or efficiency has dropped at all. Holy sh- I was so focused on how amputated my reserves were that I never even bothered to think about how easily I pulled off those high-energy sucking moves._ Smirking, he looked around for a moment. "Ah, there." Picking up the tiny mirror Dr. Tofu had left behind before going out on a housecall, he lifted it to examine his face. _Hah, not even a scar now. Sure, I may have lost all the traits of my awesome body, but I still have all my mental ones intact. Sweet. Maybe this won't be such a huge suck-fest after all._

Frowning, Ukyo barely noticed the conversation the two boys were having. Her mind was scheming on more important matters. _Ok, so Akane's going to show up no matter where or what I get Ranma to do. So, then, I have to think of places where they'd naturally be forced to split up! Ooooh, Ukyo you genius! Now, where can I get them to go that they'd have to split up like that? Wait, have to, or WANT to? Even better._ Giggling evily inside her head, Ukyo calmly slurped up her noodles, not noticing the odd stare Mato was giving her.

_...Who does she think she's kidding?_

-

Ok, that was a longer chapter than all the other's I've done so far. Frankly, I wish I'd thrown in a little more Ukyo-plotting, but... Well you have to be in the right mood to be clever AND evil at the same time, right?

Hopefully, I didn't go overboard and either bore, or gross, anyone out with this chapter. Ugh, needles.

Review Replies!

My-name-is-foxglove- Is this how it's gonna be? I'm gonna write, and you're gonna pick out every single romantic thing in there, and I'm gonna go 'how'd that get in there?' in surprise every time? Fine! Bring it on! Tease tease. Seriously though, thanks. I do kinda sorta try when I write, sometimes. Other times, I cover my wall in words, and get out the darts. It's more fun that way.

James Birdsong- Thankee sah.

Rose1948- Well, as you can see from this chapter, he really did try to live up to that promise.

The Azure Penguin- You send me all your possessions, or write 'possessions' on a self-addressed, stamped envelope, and mail it to... Ha, kidding. No, that 'Mato H-' thing was just him not wanting to mention his last name to Akane. There's no secret at all there, you can go about your business. Move along, move along. Glad you enjoy it all.

gen x- Thanks.

Well, that's it for this chapter, I guess. No real rant this time. I guess nothing came up that warrented one. Hm, I guess if you want a rant down here, you'll have to come up with something rant-worthy? Ah well, until next chapter.

Oh, and I've been updating twice as fast recently, because... Well, I'm feeling motivated by you awesome reviewers. Go you!

Also, playing Rock Band guitar for three hours straight makes it hard to type right after. Life lesson learned.


	8. Chapter 8

"You wanna go and do what?"

"Ice skating." Humming cheerfully, Ukyo scoured the grill with a large, rough sponge. "It's the perfect plan." If the look on her face was any indication, she was defiantly scheming another half-dozen sub-plots to go along with this new one.

"Right... Ice skating. That's your plan." Shaking his head, Mato thumbed his cheek a few times. _I'll bet it involves either Kuno or Ryoga, too. I- hey, what did happen..._ "Hey, Ukyo. What happened to Ryoga after the fight?"

"Huh? I dunno, I just left him there when I hauled you to the clinic." Oblivious to how that sounded, she continued to clean the grill, her mind working on her evil little plan.

"Oh, poor bas- wait. YOU carried me there?" Tilting his head, Mato pressed a fist to his hip, staring at her. "Hah, now isn't that somethin'?"

"Don't read anything into it sugar. I just need you to angel up my plans."

"Right. I forgot how important it was to add an angel to any _evil_ plot these days."

"It's not evil... Just a little mean, that's all."

"And you're not concerned at all that you're breaking up a marriage before it can even begin?"

"Better to do it before, then to let it fall apart after." Switching off the grill, Ukyo tossed the sponge into the bucket she kept in the corner. "Akane isn't the right match for Ran-chan. You'd know that if you saw them fight the way they do. ALL the time."

_Oh believe me, I know exactly how that works out._ Shaking his head, Mato crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. _Really, this isn't going at all like I thought it would._ "Well, fine. You go ahead and play your own match maker."

"I plan to." Nodding to herself, Ukyo scooped up the bowls for all her ingredients and carried them into the kitchen. "Switch off the lights and c'mon sugar."

"Yeah yeah." Click.

Setting the dishes on the counter, Ukyo turned on the hot water and reached for the soap.

Knock knock knock.

"Argh. This late at night?" Shaking her head, Ukyo squirted a little soap into the sink. "Could you get that sugar? It's probably a salesman. I'd get it myself, but if those lonely bums see it's a cute single girl like me, they never want to leave."

Mato shot Ukyo a bland little stare. _Oh so humble._ "Yeah yeah." Sighing, Mato walked through the kitchen and opened the back door. _Kinda weird that some random guy would come to the ba- ah crap._ Sighing again, Mato stepped outside when he didn't see anyone standing there. _It's a trap, naturally. If I'm really lucky, it'll be one for Ukyo, and they'll stop when they realize I'm not a chick. I just hope th-_

"RANMA!"

_Aw crap._

-

Across town, something was happening. Something big. Something so important, that it would effect the world for years. It was something that had never happened before in the history of mankind.

Nabiki was shouting at the top of her lungs. "Daddy! Come quick! You'll never believe this!"

Naturally, the entire family came running. Soun Tendo raced over to his little girl and put both hands on her shoulders. "What is it Nabiki? What's happening?"

With tears in her eyes, Nabiki looked up at her father. "Oh, daddy. The Dow Jones closed at four thousand today!"

"...I... See..." The entire family sighed. It was hard to understand Nabiki sometimes.

The T.V. droned on in the background. "-Jones has closed for the first time at four thousand three. This is a first in history for the financial world. Today is the twenty-third of February, a date tha-"

Well, SOME people thought it was important. Mainly bankers, investors, and stock brokers. And Nabiki.

-

Metal gleamed as it streaked towards Mato. _Above and from behind, tch._ Turning side-on to the incoming projectiles, he flipped sideways, away from the metal darts as they struck the ground where he'd been standing. _Can't be Ryoga, he'd use bandannas._ Still inverted, he looked 'down' at the rooftop, squinting into the darkness. _Ugh, this crappy body. Can't see in the dark worth a damn. Wouldn't be Ranma, not even he's stupid enough to bellow his own name as he attacked._ Completing his flip, Mato had barely touched the earth before he launched himself into a second acrobatic tumble. _Not Kuno, not his st- wait! Maybe it's Koda- no, no... That yell wasn't feminine enough. The attack style is sorta right though. Who else, who else?_

Another spray of gleaming steel darts was flung, and they narrowly missed the mark, harmlessly thudding into the turf. "RANMA!"

_Wait, I got it._ Landing a second time, Mato ripped off a bandanna and flung it at the rooftop. _Considering the angle of the attack, and the height of the roof. Right there._ The flung bandanna struck the edge of the roof, barely clipping it, sending a fine spray of splinters into the attacker's face. _I know who it is now._

"Argh!" Leaping into the air, the mystery man did something with his arms, and flung a bathtub's worth of clattering projectiles down at Mato.

_Yeah, I know this move. Come and get me._ Holding his arms up before his body, Mato let the half-dozen chains wrap about his limbs, waiting until they'd gone tight. _Or I'll MAKE you come and get me._ Smirking, he planted his feet and yanked the fellow right out of the air, catching him by the front of his bright white robes. "Mousse, how nice of you to drop in."

"Ranma, you-"

_I- oh for- _"Put your Goddamn glasses on Mousse! I've told you like a million times, save the bishounen looks for AFTER you know you've got the right person!"

"Eh?" Flipping down his glasses, the Chinese boy blinked. "Ryoga?"

"NO."

Blinking again, Mousse tried again, almost hopefully. "Ranma?"

"No."

"... Somebody I don't know."

"Yes."

"Well, what are you doing at the Tendo dojo?"

"We're not at the Tendo dojo. We're at the Ucchan."

"The what?"

"Th- Ukyo's place! Y'know, Ranma's friend? The only restaurant to rival the Nekohanten?"

"Oh! How'd I get here?"

"...You didn't wear your GLASSES when you went out, that's how, idiot!"

"Well, in that case, can- UGH!" Mousse dropped his head and went limp.

"Can ugh?" Blinking, Mato ducked his head a bit to look at Mousse's face. "I have no idea what the hell that is."

"It means 'ow, somebody hit me in the back of the head' sugar." Smirking, Ukyo shouldered her battle spatula.

"... You didn't have to bonk him y'know." Mato gave her a bland little look.

"How was I supposed to know? You're all wrapped up in chains, and all that yelling and the metal littered all over my yard!" Huffing, Ukyo looked away, cheeks faintly pink. _It's not like I thought you were in trouble or anything. I just wanted to make sure my yard stayed intact._

"Before you even say it, I know exactly what you're thinking."

"Eh?" Ukyo's cheeks got brighter. _He-he knows? Oh God, oh God, oh God. It's not like that! Not at all! I love my yard- I mean Ranma! I love Ran-chan! I-_

Mato shot her a glare. "I'm not into bondage."

"... I... See..." A large sweatdrop rolled down the back of Ukyo's head.

-

A throbbing head welcomed Mousse back to consciousness. "Ow... My head. Why does my head hurt?" Another throb of pain greeted him warmly. "And my back?"

"Well, your head hurts because Ukyo smacked the crap out of it."

Across the room, Ukyo huffed and looked away. _Shoulda whacked you both, jackass._

"I see..." Mousse was no stranger to being smacked in the back of the head for little to no reason. "And my back?"

"Ah heh heh, yeah, about that." Grinning sheepishly, Mato scratched his cheek. "I kinda tripped when I was carrying you inside. Sorry."

"...Oh." Sighing, Mousse sat up.

_Jackass._

"So, Mousse. What're you doing here anyway? Scratch that. Why were you headed over to the Tendo's?" Mato tilted his head a little, confused. _I mean, Ranma marrying Akane should have been the answer to his prayers. It doesn't make any sense._

"Oh. I was going to tell Ranma he had my support in his upcoming wedding."

"... Support, right." _It makes perfect sense now. He's an Idiot._

_Jackass._

_Whatever._ "And the reason for the yelling and the pointy stuff flung from the roof?"

Ukyo sweatdropped. _Uh, what just happened there?_

"Um, force of habbit?" Mousse gave a little idiot grin.

"Yeah, super." Closing his eyes, Mato took a moment to calm himself. It took a bit of effort to _not_ reach over and slam Mousse's head into the floor. "Ever think of trying the phone?"

"Uh, no. I couldn't."

"Why the hell not?"

"They had our number blocked. Once Shampoo figured out how to work the telephone, she spent an entire week calling the dojo." Sighing, Mousse hung his head. Shampoo was a stalker, and he knew it. He just wished she'd be stalking him.

And that was downright _creepy._

"...Oh. That's... Totally not a surprise at all." _It actually explains a lot._

"Well, I should get going. I need to find Ranma before it gets too late. I still need to wash the dishes before bed." Standing up, Mousse brushed off his robes, and began picking up the pile of weapons Ukyo had dumped beside him when they had dragged the Chinese boy inside.

"No you're not. Siddown." Yanking Mousse down by a fold of his robe, Mato smirked. _I've got an ideaaaaa._

_What's that jackass planning now?_

"But... I need to go tell Ranma that I support him."

"Nah. You're gonna team up with Ukyo instead."

_... I can't be hearing what I think I just heard._

"What? No, I- what?" Mousse, understandably, was confused.

"No, it makes perfect sense. Think about it. You don't want Ranma to marry Shampoo. Ukyo doesn't want Ranma to Marry Shampoo. Also, you couldn't team up with Ranma for more than ten minutes without attacking him out of habbit. Ukyo, on the other hand... Well, come on, who could attack a face like that?" He swept his arm out to gesture at Ukyo.

"What?" Of course, at the moment, Ukyo's eyes were very wide, and she didn't exactly look her best at the moment. More like on the edge of hysterics. _That's his plan? Team up with THAT stupid jackass?_ "WHAT?"

"Um, well... He has a good point?" Mousse looked a little sheepish.

"No he doesn't! It's not a good point at all! If I team up with you, Shampoo and that old crone-"

"Will be coming after you sooner or later anyways. This way, at least you have someone to help you out that you _know_ you can trust not to backstab you." Crossing his arms over his chest, Mato nodded sagely. _Seriously, Mousse would never have anything to gain from turning on Ukyo. Ha ha, 'turning on Ukyo'. Oh man, does that one sound wrong._

Glaring at the both of them, Ukyo considered just pulling her battle spatula off of her back and whacking _both_ of them over the head. _Rrrr, stupid, stupid jackass! Why does he have to be so damn convincing?!_ "Rrrgh, fine."

Mousse, on the other hand, was thinking. He may not have been the brightest bulb in the light fixture, but he wasn't a total moron. "I agree." _This way, at least I'll have a place to hide out when things get back back home. And they will._ Mousse was right about one thing, nothing would be going very smoothly for him back home. He was also very, very wrong if he thought that Ukyo would let him hide out at her place.

"Alright then. The alliance of evil is founded." Smirking, Mato nodded to himself. _Boy, I just wish it wasn't such an accurate saying. Sigh, I just know I'm gonna go to hell for this one... Again._ "Now all we need to do is get that moron Ryoga on board, and we'll have an unholy trifecta."

"Huh?" Mousse blinked, in the middle of packing up forty pounds of steel into his sleeves."

"What? Why him?"

"Don't worry about that bit Mousse, just grab your junk, go home, and for God's sake, keep your damn mouth shut about this stuff." Sighing, Mato pinched the bridge of his nose. _This is where the headache begins._ "Just tell them you ended up yelling at an old man at a newspaper stand for ten minutes, because you couldn't understand why he didn't want your support."

"Um, right." With that, Mousse slunk off, letting himself out. _Who was that guy anyway? I've never seen him before, I don't think. Sure looked familiar too._ Such puzzling thoughts were soon pushed out of Mousse's head by the usual, more important ones. _Oh Shampoo! Soon you will be mine forever!_ With that, Mousse turned left instead of right, and didn't get back home until well after midnight. And then he got yelled at, beaten around a bit, and did the dishes. Home sweet home.

"Just what are you planning, jackass?"

"C'mon Ukyo, is that any way to talk to y-"

"Don't you 'c'mon Ukyo' me! Do you know how long I spent watching you lay there in that clinic today?" _Stupid jackass! I was in there for hours._

"Oh, so you were worried about me?" Smirking, Mato scratched his chin, avoiding looking directly at Ukyo for the moment. _This should be funny._

"Wh- NO! I could have been making heaps of money off of the lunch rush today!" Gritting her teeth, Ukyo leaned in close, holding up a trembling fist. _Like I'd be worried over a jackass like you? Don't make me laugh. All I care about is getting Ranma! Ran-chan, got it?_

"Y'know, Ukyo... If you're so 'not interested' in me, why're you leaning so close?" _Well, I guess it'll help her relax a bit if I push it. I REALLY don't wanna deal with her being so tense, but on the other hand, I really don't wanna deal with the upcoming concussion either. Oh well, that's what painkillers are for, right? Ok, time to say something stupid._ "If you're going to kiss me, quit building the tension and ju-"

WHAM!

"Jackass!"

-

Well, another chapter come and gone. The next one will probably be late, I've gotta go out of town for a funeral. Anyone find it odd that 'fun' is the first part of that word? Meh.

Anyway, I can't really think of anything else to throw in here, so...

Review replies!

James Birdsong- Glad to know you approve.

anyahibiki- Well, what can I say? Ryoga will live, tch, the guy seems to shrug off horrible beatings like they're water.

Jusenkyo- Glad you like it. The Genma thing was pretty much done just for laughs, good to know it paid off. And Ukyo, she hasn't run out of plots and ploys yet.

My-name-is-foxglove- Well, superhuman, maybe. I dunno about the much part though. Sweet, stars, they go right up on the 'board of reasons why I'm so awesome'. I... Don't have a 'board of reasons why I'm so humble' because, y'know. And YES Ukyo is obsessed! She went to an all boys school for ten years, just for revenge! Totally obsessed! As for the timeline, it's been exactly twenty hours since Ukyo got her invitation.

A whole paragraph goes to having problems walking here. I spent the better part of a year being crippled up. I'd partially dislocated my left hip, and had no idea, it took months for the doctors to figure that out. I really couldn't get around much, and took painkillers every day. Then, since I was so bedridden all the time, I got Bursitis in my other leg. Terrible muscle inflammation from under use. So then I was REALLY crippled. But that was a couple of years ago, stubbornness and a cane work wonders, and I just have to put up with some painful stiffness. Make no mistake, for me, it was a life altering injury. My body is never going to be the same ever again, but, eh. I'm a writer now, I guess, so things worked out ok? The point is, I'm not crippled anymore, because I kept working at walking, so, don't give up!

Wow, I do go on, don't I?

Baitdcat- That's Ryoga for you, in and out again. He'll be back, he's always back. And I have plans for him... MWAHAHAHA- ahem. As for Mato's past, it'll come up when it's relevant.

Meenee- Score, I'm not terrible.

Rose1948- Thanks.

The Azure Penguin- Ok, about that. I run a spellchecker over my chapters before I post them, but my mouse is getting a little wonky. From time to time, it'll decide to spend a few hours double clicking whenever I make a single click. So, when I use the spellchecker, and hit 'ignore' when a name comes up as a 'mistake' it'll sometimes blow right past an actual misspelled word. I blame technology on this one. And yes, poor Mato. Get used to saying that a lot. Glad you like it though. As for Mato and Ukyo, you get some more of it here. Kind funny how fast they've gotten used to being around each other, isn't it? Wonder why? As for Ukyo, well, she'll always ignore everyone and everything when she's focused on Ranma, so get used to that happening. And yeah, I think all fanfic writers with their own characters were official ones.

Well, I think that's just about everything. If I missed anyone, or anything, I'm sorry. Lemmie know what I missed, and I'll address it next time. Until then.


	9. Chapter 9

"C'mon sugar, it's not that hard, look."

"Uh-huh. How you doin' Saotome?"

"I'm fine! I'm fine! Worry about yourself!"

"Idiot."

Sighing, Ukyo shook her head and made her way across the ice. She'd swapped out her usual top for a slightly clingy blue sweater, and did up her hair a little higher in her bow. _Poor Ran-chan, I thought he'd be good at this, but I guess it's not really the same as martial arts._

Sigh. "Give me your hand Ranma."

"What? No! Only girls hold hands while they skate!" Wobbling like a drunk in a rowboat in the middle of a hurricane, Ranma Saotome heir to the- Look, he just can't skate, ok?

"...Ranma." Akane's eye twitched a little. "We're getting married in a few months."

"...Right." Reaching out, Ranma clutched tightly onto Akane's arms, just a little embarrassed. He was _extremely_ worried that she'd thrash the living daylights out of him, so he didn't have too much space left in his head for embarrassment.

_Well this probably isn't how Ukyo thought it'd go._ Frowning, Mato clung to the wall that encircled the ice. _That dunce didn't even think about this before agreeing, did he?_

_This isn't how I thought it would go._ Sighing inwardly, Ukyo skated around a bit, looking around at the various people there. She was trying to find the best option she could for getting Ranma's attention focused on her.

"So, um. Mato?" Akane carefully helped a very shaky Ranma over to the wall, while the desperate martial artist clung to his fiancee.

"Eh?" Blinking, Mato shook his head to clear his thoughts. "What's up?" _Hah, for some reason, I keep thinking about... Nah._ "Something wrong?"

"Um, no. It's just..." Trailing off as she helped Ranma transfer his death grip to the wall instead of her, Akane looked first at Ranma's face, then closely at Mato's. "Um, how do I put this?"

Ranma, at the moment, was trying to cling for dear life, _without_ digging his fingers into the steel support that held the glass sheet upright over the wall. _I hate ice skating!_

"I dunno, do I look like a mind reader?" Frowning, Mato rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Don't answer that one."

_Ok, that was weird. _Akane felt that, for some reason, Mato's odd responses actually made it _easier_ to talk to him. "...Why do you look like Ranma?"

"Eh?"

"The hell?"

"Well, I mean... It's not that you look _exactly_ the same... Just.." Akane trailed off, not sure how to complete her thought.

"Whaddya mean he looks like me?" Ranma managed to straighten himself up just enough to glare at Mato's chin.

Sighing, Mato hung his head, a sweatdrop rolling down the side of his face. _Idiot. Bizarre though. That's the first time anyone's really mentioned that. It's almost always Ryoga. So, why..._

"What, you didn't notice it Ranma?" Akane reached around the back of Mato's head to grab his braid between her thumb and index finger. "Look. Braid." She dangled it for a moment, then dropped the tail of hair, and pointed to his cheekbones. "Face shape." She squished in Mato's cheeks with her fingertips.

"Weh."

"Sorry." Akane pulled her hands away for a moment. She patted Mato's shoulders, then his biceps. "Frame and muscle mass." If there was one thing Akane knew well, and it wasn't cooking that's for sure, it was how important it was to have the right body for martial arts. And yes, we're all aware of how small her chest is, and how wide her hips are.

Frowning, Ranma struggled up high enough to glare at Mato's nose this time. _I thought it was weird to be havin' a dream about myself bein' thrown through that wall. But he doesn't look like me when I really think about it._ "He looks like Ryoga."

Twitch. "Gee, thanks." _Like I really wanna think about where I came from. Life's tough enough being marked out as a plaything, let alone thr- ch! God damn it, how many times is it now? One for the jerk in the sky. One for that pesky Inari, I'm sure that rose mark was her doing. At least two for the Givin, if not more. This is startin' to become a real pain in the ass._

"Sorry." Ranma flashed a guilty smile, then shifted, panicked, and nearly fell over. "Ack." He clutched for the first stable hand hold he could find.

"Saotome... I swear to God." Mato closed his eyes. "If your hands go any lower, I'm gonna-"

"Sorry, sorry! It's not my fault!" Just as uncomfortable with where his hands were as Mato was, Ranma desperately looked at Akane. Who sighed, skated over, and helped Ranma steady himself. "Thanks Akane."

"You're welcome." Akane inched back with her fiancee a little. "He does kind of look like Ryoga, now that you mention it."

"... What am I? A Neriman whipping boy?" Making a disgusted noise, Mato leaned back into the wall a bit more.

"Well, if you changed your haircut and got rid of that bandanna, it'd go a long way to solving your problems sugar." Ukyo skated through the crowds easily.

"Tch, point taken."

"Well, don't worry about it sugar. Akane and I could always give you a makeover." Ukyo smiled sweetly. _And while we're at it, make her fall for you too. Hehehe, plan five is pretty good too. I can even use it with a couple of other ones at the same time._

_Seriously, who does she think she's kidding?_

-

Across town, trouble brewed.

"Oh my. Looks like Akane was trying to cook again, and forgot to shut the stove off." Kasumi turned off the stove, dumped the pot of brownish-black goo down the sink, and all was well.

-

"Mikado, when I get over there, I'm gonna kill you!" Wobbling unsteadily, Ranma flailed his arms, desperately trying to make his way over to the male half of the Golden Pair.

_Ok, that got outta hand quick._ "So, who's this?" Still clinging to the wall, he shot Ranma an amused look.

"Mikado Sanzenin, of the Golden Pair. You and I have not met, though you do look somewhat familiar." Mikado skated a little closer, holding Akane in his arms.

"... Um, you _can_ put me down anytime now." Akane sighed, looking down at her ruined skate. _So much for getting the deposit back. How could a skate blade just break like that?_

Off in the crowd, Ukyo giggled to herself. It'd been a simple matter to sabotage Akane's skate, simply by passing the rental clerk a little bribe. It had been even easier to nudge Mikado into getting involved, just mentioning the fact that a cute girl was having some trouble. _Oooh, Ukyo, how did you ever get to be this brilliant?_

"Rrrrgh!" Ranma flailed about some more.

"Ooooh. You look like Char-"

Since everybody seemed to have their attention away from him, Mato found it a simple matter to smack the blonde girl on the back of the neck with the edge of his hand. The girl, who was actually the other half of the Golden Pair, Azusa Shiratori, hit the ice and lay there. _Ok, dunno who that was... Screw it, not my problem._ Shrugging, he nonchalantly kicked her body to the side, sending her across the ice along the wall that circled the skating rink.

If anyone did notice, they didn't really seem to care. Karma was a horrible mistress sometimes.

_Wonder why I did that?_ Ignorant of his part in the karmic circle of life, Mato turned his attention back to the developing drama at hand. "So, um... What?"

Ranma was still flailing away, and making very little progress. He actually seemed to have managed to make himself creep _backwards_ a few inches at one point. "Nrrgghh! I _hate_ skating!"

_Hehehe, and now, all I have to do is swoop in and help out Ran-chan. After it's over, he and Akane fight, and then I step in to pick up the pieces. Perfect._ Smirking, Ukyo began to glide through the crowd, making her way over to the proto-fight. Ukyo was as graceful and elegant on skates, as she was on firm earth. Beautiful, and nimble and- "Eh?"

At least, she _was_, right up until she tripped over the broken blade that had come from Akane's skate. That would be the Goddess known as Karma, hard at work again.

"EEEK!" Flailing her limbs, Ukyo shot across the ice, out of control. "Somebody save meeee!"

Right into the waiting left arm of Mikado. "Ah, how the girls throw themselves at me. Two at once, and me with only one pair of lips, tragic. Oh well, I'll just have to make do." Smiling, the figure skater leaned in close to the girls, shutting his eyes in anticipation. Apparently, he was going to try and kiss them both at once.

Ranma fumed, his body a blur of motion. There was no way in _hell_ that Mikado was going to get away with trying something like that. Not if Ranma Saotome had anything to say about that. "Rrrr, Mikado!" The sad thing was, Ranma had plenty to _say_, but all that blurring was just coming from him flailing about uselessly. People didn't magically learn how to skate, just because they were pissed off, you see.

"Mmm, nah." Mato, on the other hand, had already plucked both girls from Mikado's grip while the fellow had his eyes closed. "I'd lose my lunch if I had to see crap like that." Gliding over to the edge of the ice, he set Ukyo and Akane down on the rubber mats that lead to the rows of benches used for when people sat and removed their skates. "I guess the fun's over. Lose the skates and me an' Ranma'll be with you two in a minute."

"Um, ok?" Ukyo blinked, unsure of just what had happened. In a few moments, she'd realize that her plan had been foiled. Nobody noticed, except for the little boy standing next to her. Sadly, he only noticed once the burning red aura that rippled around Ukyo like living flame melted the poor kid's icecream.

Akane, on the other hand, hobbled back a few steps. It was hard to balance while wearing half a pair of skates. "Ack, ack, ack!"

"And you are?" Foiled, Mikado was mildly annoyed at missing out on his double-lip-lock. He crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at the interloper.

Arching an eyebrow, Mato slid to a stop just arm's reach away from the arrogant skater. "Mato Hibiki, professional jerk." Smirking, he flourished a little bow, pressing one hand to his chest, holding his other arm out to the side. "Wanna make something of it?"

Mikado returned the smirk. Ever the showman, he enjoyed the rich drama that confrontation provided. "Very well, I accept your challenge." He held his hands out to his sides. _It's not likely that he knows how to fight on skates, so I'll give him a chance to make a fool of himself, before utterly crushing him._ "You may make the first move."

"Huh... 'Kay." Sliding forward a pace, Mato lifted both his arms, and slammed the down on Mikado's shoulders. There was a loud _shhkkt_, and the figure skater found himself about two inches shorter.

Shaken for a moment, Mikado steadied himself. _Harder than I thought, but I've had worse. Now, a clever line, and..._ "Hah, that's all you have?"

"That's all I need."

"Very well, time to destroy you with my- uh?" Blinking, Mikado jerked a little. He _should_ have glided forward on one foot, and soundly thrashed the fool with his 'Dance of Death'. Instead, he found himself wobbling and windmilling his arms for balance. "What did you do?" He looked down, his mouth hanging open in horror.

Both of Mikado Sanzenin's skates were buried in the ice.

"What? I used my brain a little." Mato easily glided over to where Ranma was still flailing away. "Easy Saotome, I got you." Grabbing Ranma by his hips, Mato gently pushed him across the ice. "So, since I pretty much won everything with that one hit, how about you and Ranma go a couple rounds?" Smirking, he stomped down, sinking his back skate into the ice to act as an anchor. "Whaddya say Saotome? In a thrashing mood?"

Ranma, who now found himself point blank with Mikado, and well supported, simply smirked. "Yup." Winding back his arm, he smacked the figure skater hard in the face.

WAP!

-

"So, seriously?"

Ranma nodded. "Yup. Martial arts figure skating." Shoveling ramen into his mouth, he pointed a finger at Mato. "That was a pretty cheap move, pinning him down like that."

"Thank you, I'm glad I can still impress you." Smirking, Mato fiddled with his chopsticks a little, waiting for his ramen to cool down.

"Huh?" Blinking, Ranma slowed his pace a little, which ment that he still was eating like a madman. "Whaddya mean?"

"Uh, nothing, nothing. Nevermind." _Tch, idiot. Why don't'cha go and blab about something else stupid, like the ti- argh! No, no. I'm not gonna think about that one._ Frowning, Mato snapped his chopsticks apart, focusing on _not_ thinking about the time he'd dressed up in Ranma's riding leathers and made lewd gestures his cousin that made her think Ranma was interested in incest. _Oh God dammit! Think of something else! Uh, uh, Shampoo kissing Panda-Genma!_ "..." One of Mato's eyes _twitched_ a little.

"You ok man? You're turning blue."

"Just... Thought of something particularly gross, that's all."

"Well don't share it sugar. I'm hungry." Plunking down her bowl, Ukyo sat down next to Mato with a sigh. _So much for salvaging plan three. Ran-chan really did a number on that idiot._

"Where's Akane?"

"She's in the bathroom." That was partly true. Akane was actually _trapped_ in there, since Ukyo had snuck all the toilet paper out of the stalls before hand.

"Oh, did she say how long she'd be?"

"A long time." Ukyo snapped her chopsticks apart. _Now for emergency plan two. The plan where I lean in and lovingly nuzzle Ran-chan to remind him of how cute I am._ Closing her eyes, Ukyo leaned over with a sigh, lovingly nuzzling the shoulder next to her. _Oh Ran-chan, you're so warm._

Ranma, for his part, simply blinked. "Uh, I'm... Gonna go get seconds." Grabbing his bowl, Ranma jumped up and hurried towards the counter. _I had no idea that she felt that way. Maybe I should talk to Akane about encouraging Ukyo a little. It couldn't hurt, right?_

"So, Ukyo. Ya wanna explain to me what this is all about, exactly?" Mato frowned, knowing he wouldn't like how this one turned out. _Of course it's not gonna turn out well._ Mentally sighing, he closed his eyes. _Might as well enjoy it while I can..._ A forlorn look crossed his face. _I missed this feeling. Surprising that I can admit that, but there it is._

"Mmm?" Feeling warm and comfortable, Ukyo nuzzled a little closer. She was lost in a world of wonderful sensation, and clearly wasn't paying much attention to everything else around her.

"... Because if you're trying to show your heartfelt love, I need to tell you something."

"What's that sugar?"

"Ranma left to get more food, and you sat down next to _me_ thirty seconds ago."

"...Ght."

-

Well, that's another chapter done. It was a little shorter, because I've had a bit of a rough week. A thousand miles traveled, and very little sleep to boot. I also nearly dropped my end of the casket going down the stairs... Eessh.

Oh well, I'm fine, and nobody died. Ok, nobody who wasn't already dead didn't die. I- ok, running the joke into the ground now, moving on, moving on.

Yeah, I clipped a little from the fic, but I don't think anyone's missing much. I think you can all easily visualize Akane's skate breaking, and Mikado scooping her up. And if you haven't by now, that last line should have done it for you.

Review reply time!

My-name-is-foxglove- Jeez, that's a lotta beaming. Lemmie get my aviators on. Ok, not blinded by sheer joy anymore. Uh, what can I say? If you're thinking bad things are coming soon, well, you've clearly got a grip on how life is for anyone in Nerima, no? Yeah, I'll keep writing. For great justice!

James Birdsong- I'd ask if your reviews could get any shorter, but you'd just say 'yes' and one-up me. So instead, I'm going to ask you for a five paragraph review of my story so far. Hah!

SithKnight-Galen- What can I say? I thought it was pretty clever of me to realize that Mousse would just take it for granted that someone new had rolled into Nerima and was causing trouble... It happens so often, I think everyone is just used to it by now.

Ukyo's feelings... Well... You need to understand that Ukyo's mildly obsessed here. Any thinking that could distract her from her goals is something that she can't afford to think about at this point in the game. That means showing sympathy for people is a no no. If she doesn't make some major strides in the romance department, she'll lose him forever. So, no matter how much of a _bitch_ she comes off as, try to remember that Ukyo's just getting a little desperate, ok?

As for Mato's backstory, hmm... it's a tough little dance. Can't say too little, but can't give away too much either. I think I'll need to start either adding in factoids in the post script, or start leaning in on the narrative to make it less Ukyo-centric. One edit later, and I've added in half a paragraph in italics, see if you can figure out which one.

12Damon34- Yeah, bondage jokes are always hilarious when you do 'em right. Here's a question that'll drive a few people nuts though... Since when was there any thing that said Mato knew stuff thanks to God?

The Azure Penguin- Meh, I went back and tossed in a little thinking on Mato's part, just for you. Enjoy it, or DIE HORRIBLY! Nah, kidding. Hope I dropped enough of a hint without outright ruining any future surprises. And yes, what the crap? We can put a man on the moon, but we can't make a decent optical mouse? For shame, scientific community, for shame.

Baitdcat- Mousse shall return, to continue to offer his 'support' for Ukyo sometime soon. Just after Cologne makes him wash dishes, and sweep the floor, and defrost the freezer, and cook the food, and... Oy, ok, maybe he won't be back quite so soon... But the unholy trifecta of terror will be united!

Ok, reviews are done, what else do I have to do? Oh! Hah, I know. I'll start answering specific questions from now on, one per review. Obviously, I'm going to ignore stuff that will give away too much. So DON'T ask me to spell out stuff like 'what's Mato's backstory' or 'why does he look like Ranma and Ryoga'.

Actually, I'll field a gimmie question, so that you know what I will allow. Here comes the fakie.

Q- Why do people think that Mato looks like both Ranma and Ryoga?

A- Because Mato has a somewhat subjective face. People see what they expect to see, based on their personality. Ukyo only wants her one Ran-chan, so she sees Ryoga, a jackass who'd never get in her way of getting what she wants. Akane sees Ranma, since she apparently likes seeing him now. Ryoga HATES Ranma, so seeing a face he loves to pound would only be natural. Mousse... Sees nothing, because he's blind. Moving on! People in school only see another face in the crowd, just another student in a uniform, someone who doesn't stand out when compared to the Nerima Wrecking Crew. Kuno, hah, what did Kuno see?

There. A long winded example that might have too much of a subtle difference in phrasing. Oh well, I know all you regulars are bright enough to get it, so no worries.

Factoid! Mato has no qualms about hitting girls, at all. He occasionly comments on feeling guilty or regretting it, but he never heasitates if he needs to smack someone around.

"Why so surprised? I'm not above hitting girls. I should be, but I'm not, sad to say."


	10. Chapter 10

"Arg! I can't believe how long I was stuck in there!"

"Hey, how was I supposed to know? It's not like-"

"Seriously man, are you actually gonna finish that sentence?"

"Uh, no?"

Sighing, Ukyo shot Mato a little glare. _Idiot. I finally get them to start arguing, and you just had to shut Ran-chan up. There goes three more plans._ Shaking her head, Ukyo leaned back into the tram seat. As per plan nine, Ukyo had convinced the others to go and visit Foot Town, but the way things were going, it didn't seem like it was going to pay off.

"So, we're goin' to Tokyo tower?" Mato leaned forward to see past Ukyo to look at Ranma and Akane. The way the traincar was packed, he was mashed between the wall, and Ukyo, and he just _knew_ trouble was coming.

"No, we're going to Foot Town first." Akane fussed a little, trying get herself a little less squished between Ranma, and a trunk some jerk had put on the seat next to her. _Oh well, better the trunk, than some pervert._

"Uh... Yeah, it's a town shaped like a foot." At least Ranma had the decency to look ashamed when everyone glared at him.

"Ok, could somebody with a _passing_ knowledge of Japan field that one?" Mato, for his part, had his arms crossed over his chest in an odd way. With his hands on his shoulders, pulling them together, it was a little uncomfortable, but at least he could avoid being ebowed too much by Ukyo. _Geez, you'd think she was UP to something, or something._ Snorting at his overly sarcastic train of thought, he just looked at the three Nerimans passively. _Goodie, Tokyo Tower. Why is it every time I go there...No, not gonna think about that. Just focus on nothing, focus on nothing. Don't think about how everything's gonna go to pot in a few hours. Dammit._

"Foot Town is a big building right under Tokyo Tower. It's got museums and restaurants and lots of stores and tourist attractions. I used to go there with my family every year, before mom died." Akane paused for a moment. She was used to her mother being gone, after so long, it wasn't such a painful memory anymore. _I just wish she could see me getting married._ "...Um, so we're going to the Aquarium Gallery first, right Ukyo?"

"Yup. According to the advertisements, it holds over fifty thousand fish." Ukyo grinned. Clearly, she was plotting again.

Ranma blanched a little, imagining just how much water could be in there, lurking. Waiting to get him.

"I hear that SURFACE is going to perform at Club trip three." Mato blinked, then cocked his head. "What?"

The combined stares of Ukyo, Ranma, and Akane all racked in on a point just between his brows.

"What? Wha'd I say?" _Great, what's the problem gonna be this time?_

"Club... Trip three?" Naturally, Ranma had no idea what was going on.

"The only club in Tokyo Tower is in the observatory, but it's called Club three three three." Akane frowned.

"Yeah, that's what I said."

"... I've never heard anyone call it trip three before."

"Heh, well it's not my fault that you live..." _Whoops. That coulda been bad if I finished saying that one. Cover, need a cover._ "Whoops, tongue slip. I mean it's not my fault that you don't listen to the hip kids." _Hah, perfect. And nobody is the wiser._

"Sugar, the last thing you'd ever be, is hip."

"Oh ouch, my masculine pride."

Shaking his head, Ranma leaned back and made himself comfortable as best he could. "Whatever, just wake me up when we get there."

"Ugh, Ranma, you can't sleep through the whole ride." Akane gave him an irritated look.

"Can so. Skating is tiring."

Sighing, Akane lightly nudged him with her elbow. "Fine, lazy bum. But if you don't wake up the first time I call you, I'm leaving you on the train." A slightly bratty smile turned up the corners of Akane's mouth.

"What, you'd just leave me here alone?"

"Yes."

Fighting back a chuckle, Mato leaned back into his seat as well, letting his eyes droop closed. _There's not much for me to do here, I've seen the damn scenery a hundred times already. As for the tower, well... It's __only ninety-six, it's not like I have to worry about dealing with demons or anything for another three years or so. Oh God, do I hope I'm not stuck here for that long. Knowing my luck, I'd run into this Inari too. Oh, dear, God, would that be hell. I am NOT getting impaled again, not this friggin' time. Once is a goddamn 'nuff._

Ukyo, after giving Mato another odd look, sighed and shook her head. _I have no idea what that jackass in thinking most of the time. He's so weird. Oh well, it looks like I'm going to need another evil- no, not evil! It's not evil at all, I'm just getting what's mine dammit. Ran-chan is mine. He's been mine since he was promised to marry me when I was a little girl. There's no way I've gone through hell just to lose him. Now think Ukyo, think. Plan, plan, plan like you've never planned before!_

_... Yeah, this ain't gonna turn out well at all... God dammit._

-

Deep within the heart of Nerima, evil gathered itself.

"Finish washing the dishes Mousse. Then clean the tables, put away the rice, and go down to the market to order more peas." Cologne frowned. "Getting lost on a simple errand for ten hours, even for you, that's bad." Shaking her head, the Amazon elder sighed and looked over at her great-granddaughter. "Ready to go, Shampoo?"

"Yes great-grandmother. Shampoo just need to lock doors before trip." As usual, Shampoo was clad in a white dress with a slit up one side, and had a bubbly, slightly airheaded smile on her face.

-

"Well, huh." Mato stared up at the Tokyo Tower, tapping a finger against his cheek with a thoughtful expression on his face.

"Something wrong sugar?"

"Uh, no. Not exactly, no. It's just..." Frowning for a moment, he wagged his finger at the tower. "Didn't it used to be lit up in green at one point? It's been a while since I've seen the tower, and I remember it was green for some reason."

Ukyo sweatdropped. "Uh, no sugar. The tower's never been lit up with green lights. From October second to July sixth the tower is lit in orange." She gave Mato a kind of 'what-are-you-from-mars' sort of look.

"Oh, huh. Weird." Shaking his head, Mato stuffed his hands into his pockets. "Well whatever, as soon as those two get out of the bathroom, let's get this over with."

"What, you don't like being at Tokyo Tower sugar?" Ukyo was playing coy, she knew exactly what he'd ment by getting it over with. As expected, she'd used the time spent on the train to come up with nearly a dozen new plans, all for use while at the tower.

"We have a bit of a history together. God knows that even with me being _here_, that's not likely to change anytime soon." _Also, I really don't wanna have to wade through a bunch of crap today. The damn skating thing was enough as it is._

"What do you mean by '_here'_ sugar?" Ukyo arched a brow.

"Meh." Shrugging, he turned his head this way and that, looking around. _Best view in Tokyo of the city comes right from the top, but there's no way Akane would be able to get up there on her own. Looks like we won't be hitting the tip of the tower today._

"There's Ran-chan. Lets go sugar."

-

Three hours of looking, shopping, eating, more looking, and a little more eating later, the group was spent. They'd trekked all over Foot Town, and were now looking out at the city through the windows of the Main Observatory. Naturally, they'd taken the chance to sneak in some icecream too.

All except for Ranma, who thought it was unmanly to enjoy icecream, and refused to change into a girl just for a bit of sweets.

"Tch, whatever man, your loss." Leaning against the glass, Mato munched on his cone, looking out across the city. It was starting to get dark, and all the lights were coming on, one by one. _Kinda beautiful, ain't it? Reminds me a little of lookin' down on Japan from way up, just a little drop in a big ass bucket of lights._ Lost in memory for a moment, Mato's stare went vacant, his green eyes seeming to dim a little.

Ranma, for his part, was sulking, and trying not to stare at Akane's icecream cone too much. Clearly, he had a very poor poker face, since Akane lifted up her cone to his mouth without looking. A hint of a blush swam into his cheeks, and he looked down at her.

Akane herself was a little red, but she didn't look away from her view of the city. She did, however, lean in a bit closer to Ranma, her shoulder pushing against his.

It was a sweet, romantic little scene.

That's why Ukyo was fuming. She'd ducked off to prep one of her little schemes, and had come back just in time to catch that little piece of light drama. Once again, the sheer intensity of Ukyo's rage made children cry as dozens of scoops of icecream were reduced to muddy little pools on the glass floor of the observatory. _That little- eh?_

"Ni hao Airen!" Ranma's face was smooshed up against the window by the force of Shampoo's glomp. The purple haired amazon buried her face in his back, clinging tightly to his waist. "Shampoo come to see husband. You is happy to see her, yes?"

"..." Silently, Akane stared at the fiancee hijack, her left eye twitching madly. "Hello Shampoo."

"Vamhoo... Vutr voo voing vup vere?"

"... Shampoo no understand Ranma, you speak Japanese very bad."

"Oh, the irony." Mato leaned back against the window, arms crossed over his chest. _Oh yeah, this is what I was talking about before. This is the last damn thing I wanted to have to deal with today. Anything else I could've handled without losing it, but not this._

Blink blink. "Who is you?"

"Nobody important. Just let go of the dork, and head on back home to your own dumbass, and everything'll turn out fine."

"Shampoo no let go of dork! Is Shampoo's dork!"

Finally unpressing his face from the window, Ranma was going to shoot Mato a glare, but instead settled for sweatdropping as he stared down at the purple head that was clinging to his stomach now. "Uh, hi Shampoo?"

"Let go of my fiancee now Shampoo, or you're going to regret it. He's marrying me, and that's that." Akane crushed her icecream cone as she clenched her hands into fists. _Oh, ewww._

"Is Shampoo's! Ranma marry Shampoo, not tomboy pervert girl."

"I'm afraid that's right." Cologne pogoed through the gathering crowd on her staff. "Her engagement takes precedence over any other."

"Says who?" Akane tried to split her glare between the two Amazons, mixed up, went a little crosseyed, then settled for just glaring at Cologne for the moment.

"Says Amazon law."

"Sorry, but you're in Japan now. Local law takes precedence over foreign unless it's involving homicide."

"Oh? And who might you be?" Cologne turned her eyes on the boy dressed in the dark school uniform. "Insolent and ignorant, how often those two come as one."

(Not really, I just happen to know Amazon law pretty well, elder one.) Tilting his head to the side a bit, Mato lowered his eyelids a little. Dealing with Cologne was always fairly dangerous, usually when you were getting on her bad side, though there were some exceptions. Sometimes it was just bad period to be dealing with her.

(My my, you speak such good Mandarin. Odd that you don't look Chinese.)

(That's because I ain't.)

(I see. Well, in any case, your claim of understanding our laws is baseless.) Cologne shook her head, wagging a withered finger at him. Only a member of our tribe would know the laws.

(Yeah, I know. So what I don't get, is why you're claimin' that I don't know anything.) A smirk curled up one corner of his mouth. (And why you didn't say anything about if I was wrong or not about the law being valid here.)

(I don't care about the law, Ranma is mine.) Shampoo clung possessively to her fiancee, who was staring at her, Cologne, and Mato oddly, each in turn.

Not that Akane was doing much better understanding whatever the heck is was they were jabbering on about. _I'm so confused._

_Ooooh, that IDIOT! Why'd he have to go and open his stupid mouth like that?_ Hiding in the crowd, Ukyo had considered getting involved for a moment, then decided against it. At this stage in the game, if the rivals could get rid of Akane, they'd be doing the dirty work for her. _But noooo, that jackass just had to go and open his mouth like that._ It didn't matter that she couldn't follow the conversation, she knew just from the fact that they were talking that three and a half of her plans were now utterly ruined.

(Say whatever you want boy, but it won't change a thing.) Cologne shook her head again, switching back to Japanese. "Ranma will marry Shampoo, regardless of what anyone says or does."

_Tch, great. Well this ain't gonna turn out well. Sigh._ "Well, that's tough luck then, because nobody here really cares what you think. There is no way in hell that Ranma's gonna marry Shampoo of all people. I can promise you that."

_Oooh, you stupid jackass, now isn't the time to start getting dramatic. You have no idea what you're dealing with here. Even Ran-chan has problems wi- WAIT! Oh Ukyo, you're brilliant! If we team up with Ran-chan and Akane against those two, we could beat them! And then, with us on Ran-chan's good side, I'd have an excuse to get even closer. Stop over to visit the two of them, maybe a dinner or two with the family. So many chances._ Ukyo zoned out a little. Plans for the future began to dance before her eyes.

"Young fool, do you really think you stand a chance against one such as me?" Cologne was starting to get irritated now. It wasn't often that somebody confronted her, and was either bluffing, or running on pure ego. "You haven't traveled the globe enough times to even last one minute."

"Now, what makes you think that?" Smirking, Mato arched his back and dipped forward a bit, using his hips to buck himself away from the window, and into an upright position. "Last time I checked, I was neither young, nor ignorant."

"Yet you don't deny being a fool." Cologne frowned, something was very wrong with how relaxed this stranger was. The fact that he spoke seemingly fluent Mandarin, and seemed to know herself, Shampoo AND Ranma somehow, was setting off alarm bells inside her head.

"Oh, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a fool." Mato strode forward a few paces, mainly to get himself a little elbow room away from the windows, but also because he had a sense for drama. "After all, aren't I standing right here?" His smirk became a wild grin, his lips curling back to reveal a pair of fangs. "Right between you and Saotome?" His eyes glittered as he stared at Cologne, enjoying the moment in spite of himself.

"Do you really think you've traveled far enough to deal with the likes of me?"

"Oh, you could say I've been around a bit..." Reaching up, Mato flicked away his dark bangs, revealing the bandanna wrapped around his forehead. "Quite a bit, and pretty far and wide, as the saying goes." He tugged the bandanna down to cover his left eye. _Tch, guess I'll have to resort to using THIS if I wanna get outta this fight in one piece. I REALLY hope it's good enough to compensate for this craptastic body. It didn't really do me any good the last time I tried it._ "So, unless you really wanna have a bad day turn worse, I'd suggest you back off right now."

-

Another chapter, come and gone. I think I've finally recovered from all that sleep I've been missing out on for the past few weeks. Yay. Also, side note upon trying several times while editing... Why the hell can't this damn site let me use different fonts, and enclosements besides the standard brackets? God, it's not that friggin' hard to put the fit UP like it was printed, is it? Geez!

Review reply time!

Baitdcat- Yeah, I know. Unlike nearly everything else I've written, I tend to upload chapters at a rate of about once every half week, to a week. Blinding speed compared to once a month to eight times a year. Yeah, the Golden Pair got the boot pretty quick. Heh, it seems like it was a popular choice, considering the reviews. God, do we ALL hate them? The answer appears to be 'yes, yes we do. bring them back so you can do it again'. And yes, accidental aww on Ukyo's part. I just liked the mental image of the two snuggling up. If I was an artist, I'd do a picture of that, one being Ukyo's thought bubble of her snuggling with Ranma, and beside it, what's actually happening, and Ranma's bug eyed stare from across the table.

Rose1948- Yup, Ukyo just can't seem to get any luck at all. What's the deal with that?

SithKnight-Galen- Yup! The paragraph added was indeed the one about Mato having every one horning in on his fate. A point for you. And then I dock that point because you also guessed that it could have been the riding leathers one, which was not a full paragraph in italics. But you break even, which is kick ass in casino odds.

Also, Ukyo has about thirty-five concurrent plans in the running, but a lot of them end up being impractical as events change. She does think of enough to make up for the ones ruined, so she remains about even. That means, at any one time, she's got five new plans for the day that are spur of the moment, about ten that hinge on a lucky break happening to give her a perfect chance to swoop in (unlikely) and go for broke, and about twenty plans that are just dedicated to ruining any plans her rivals may be using at the time.

Palpatine may be a master planner in the long run, but Ukyo utterly kills him when it comes to short term plots and ploys. Be very afraid of Ukyo, because she's delt with the one thing that's stopped her from being dangerous; a lack of grim, single minded focus. Still... Palpatine has the

robes and the creepy, gravely voice, he wins points for that.

The Azure Penguin- Sweet, my very own rabid fangirl. Just teasing. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far. I pretty much try to stay true to the source material whenever I do a fanfic, though sometimes I find it a bit hard to not give the characters common sense, stupid Mousse.

My little scene inserts are done for two reasons. The first reason, is yeah, I want to give everyone a little laugh. The second reason, it that I like to actually use scene breaks in my writing, to gap up the story a bit without going 'two hours later' all the time. Instead, I throw an insert in here, and then just imply that time has passed. I guess it's Takahashi style? Also, I have a secret reason, and by the time you read this reply, you'll know exactly what the secret reason was.

Heh, feel free to fangirl. It makes me feel appreciated, and motivated to continue writing the story.

Thanks to everyone for the reviews. Needless to say, the next chapter is probably going to get very messy. There's something suspicious about covering your left eye up like that... I wonder what it could mean?

Factoid! Mato is indeed fluent in Mandarin, and was not just bluffing. He also is very well versed with Chinese Amazon law, though more in the area of crime and punishment, then marriage laws.


	11. Chapter 11

"Bakusai Tenketsu!" Steel shrapnel exploded outward, pelting everything in sight. That included Club three three three, the windows of the Observatory, and the people standing within it.

"Oh for cryin' out loud! It's the goddamn Tokyo tower! Do you _really_ have to trash it?" _Every single time, this happens. I swear, this whole damn tower is cursed. I have never once been on this thing without a fight breaking out._ Leaping to the side, Mato twisted his body in mid air, evading the mental fragments as they rocketed out in every direction. _Geez she's sloppy with that technique, even Ryoga can aim- crap! It's a set up._ Looking around with his one uncovered eye, Mato lept again the instant he touched firm footing, a shorter hop this time, landing only a few feet back.

Crackle.

_Crackle? Aw hell, I get it now._ Throwing himself back into a roll, Mato pushed off with his hands and flipped up onto his feet as the glass flooring of the Observatory shattered where he'd stood. _Nice plan, dammit. Bust up all the footing, and I won't have anywhere to stand and fight on._ His exposed eye twitched. _But you'll be fine, because you're not blasting the one place you're standing on. Great._ Leaping back again, he flicked his nose with his thumb, a gesture of unconcerned defiance. _So, where does that leave me? What're my options?_

"Bakusai-"

"Oh screw it." Grimicing, Mato yanked up his bandanna, exposing his left eye and glaring at Cologne. "Let's see how you like this."

"..."

"..."

A cough.

Someone in the crowd shuffled their feet a bit.

"... Yes, that's very nice. What is it you're showing me?" Cologne frowned, squinting a little, trying to figure out what exactly the boy was doing.

"... Crap!" Mato slapped his hands over his face in sheer panic for a moment. _I'm an idiot! I can't believe I did that infront of everybody. Oh man did I just drop a hundred points on the cool-o-meter. How embarrassing._ He prodded his eyeballs with his fingers, feeling only the slick and smooth texture of his usual eyes. _Argh, that's right. I must've left everything with my body! If that's the case, I'm packing normal stuff here. Oh double crap! That means that I've been naked all along! No wonder it's been so hard to heal up, and use my chi all the damn time._ Holding up a finger, Mato started to scoot away. "Could you wait right here, maybe, about five minutes or so? I just... Uh, have to use the bathroom."

"Mmm, no." Frowning in annoyance, Cologne tapped her finger to the ground again. "Bakusai Tenketsu!" Again, the floor exploded outward in a shower of steel fragments.

"God DAMMIT!"

-

A lone figure looked up at a freestanding tower of steel. Four legs supported it, and eventually joined up in the middle to form a single point. A dramatic breeze ruffled his hair and clothing as he stared up at what surely must be his destiny. "I'm coming Akane!" With that, Ryoga Hibiki, the Eternally Lost Boy charged at the tower, running full tilt to make it there in time.

Sadly, he was in Paris, and charging at the _wrong_ tower.

-

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

"You damn, cheap ass old crone! Can't you use something different for once?!" _Good GOD is this getting annoying. Now I know why everybody hates her so much. The withered up monkey that I knew at least tried to talk once in a while._ Launching himself out of the path of a hurled beam, flung by Shampoo, Mato flipped upside down and glared at the two Amazons as he flew through the air. _I remember Shampoo being a lot smarter too, weird._

"Mokou Taka-"

"Not _inside_ the tower you idiot!" Akane hefted a ragged chunk of steel and flung it in the Amazon's direction. "You'll end up wrecking the whole place!"

"Bakusai Tenketsu!"

"Well what do you expect me to do then? Just stand here and twiddle my thumbs?" Irritated, Ranma darted in between Akane and Cologne, batting aside the twisted chunks of metal with his bare hands. His sheer speed actually made it easy to do, all things considered.

"Why not throw the damn stuff back at her, you MORON!" Kicking off of Club three three three an instant before his face slammed into the side of it, Mato took a second to shoot Ranma a dirty glare, before being knocked out of the air by a thrown table. "Gff!"

"Ha! You is not so talky now, is you?" Smirking, Shampoo hopped off of the club. She'd only gone up there to attack the flying boy from above, where he wouldn't expect it.

Landing in a heap, Mato shook his head to clear it. _Ok, wow, that hurt a hell of a lot more than I thought it would._ "Why does the back of my head hurt so much?" His vision swam as he tried to sit upright. He blinked a few times, some of them rather prolonged, and shook his head again, making the dancing world seem to sway vertically as well.

Someone hauled the table off of him. "That's because you're inside a beam, sugar." Kneeling down, Ukyo put her hands on the twisted metal, and tried to pry it apart. Mato had struck the beam hard enough to actually embed himself within it, and even for a martial artist, bending steel with your bare hands could be tough. "Nrrrgghhh! I can't get you out on my own sugar, you're going to have to help me."

Mato, for his part, stared somewhat vacantly at her. "Hey Ukyo, why're we here again?"

"We're here to sightsee, remember?" Ukyo lowered her voice a little, leaning over him. "Remember? Evil plan, guardian angel, all that stuff?"

"Uhh, no, not really?" Grinning oddly, he reached up to ruffle her hair. "You sure that's really why we came here?"

A little startled, Ukyo jerked back after a moment, pulling his hand away. "Tch, you've got a concussion sugar, you don't know what you're saying." Shaking her head, Ukyo tried to free him again, meeting with the same degree of success. "Urgh, c'mon sugar, help me out here."

"Look out!"

Ukyo turned, just in time to see another steel beam bearing right down ontop of them. Going white, all she could do was stare at the half ton of metal that was nearly right on top of her.

"Kuu Ha Zan!"

There was a shriek of tearing metal, the double-_swuff_ of the beam rushing past, and the rumbling crash of the beam smashing into the ground in two ragged halves.

Slowly, Ukyo blinked, realizing she was alive. She also realized two other things, one was that it had gone very quiet, the fighting had stopped. The second, was that there was a very dark shadow looming over her.

"Yeah, that was a big mistake." Towering over Ukyo, clutching a twisted girder over his shoulder and across his back like some sort of urban mockery of a sword, a figure stood shrouded in the shadow he cast. "And now, I really don't care what it does to my body..." A pair of bright green eyes twinkled in the shadow cast by the beam he held, literally glowing with menace. "... I'm going to _kill you both for doing that._"

Shampoo snorted, picking up another huge chunk of metal with the ease that one would normally reserve for picking up a basket of laundry. "Is much talk, but Shampoo no see much action."

Carefully stepping over Ukyo, Mato kept his eyes locked on Shampoo. "You first, then the crone. **Understand**?"

Wincing a little at the harsh tone his voice seemed to carry, Shampoo shrugged it off with a little difficulty. "Still is all talk, Shampoo kill first, no have listen to talk then." Having said that, she easily pitched the oversized projectile at her target.

Only to have him bat it out of the air with the girder he'd been holding. The two masses of metal twisted and wrapped about each other from the sheer force both martial artists had put on them, and Mato let his grip slip, allowing the newly born single hunk of metal to crash into the ground off to the side.

He didn't stop walking towards Shampoo either.

"As Shampoo says, you're all talk boy." Holding her staff in one hand, Cologne tapped the ground with her other hand. "Bakusai Tenketsu." A burst of metal fragments shot out, this time they were all directed towards the same target.

Him.

Letting out a guttural growl from deep in his throat, Mato brought up one arm and crossed it over his chest. Reversing the motion, he whipped his arm out in a wide swing. "Kuu Ha Zan." Nothing stopped the metal from pelting his body, ripping both cloth and flesh alike.

"Ha, as I said, nothing but ta-" The sound of something wooden clattering to the ground interrupted Cologne, and she looked down to see what it had been. There, next to her right foot, was the top four inches of her staff.

Blood dribbled from at least a dozen obvious cuts, mainly on his face, and probably a whole lot more that weren't obvious, thanks to the dark coloring of the school uniform Mato wore. "**I'd normally suggest running, but you'd only die tired then**."

"Tch." Frowning, Cologne leveled her amputated staff before her. "A bare handed wind blade, I'm impressed. Even son-in-law cannot do such a thing as of yet. For one so weak, you know some impressive tricks."

"**Shut up and die**." Slapping his palm down on the ground, Mato didn't take his iridescent gaze off of the Amazon. A pale blue aura began flowing about his body, making frost gather on his skin, and the rubble strewn ground he stood on. "**Bakusai Tenketsu admixtured; Blue Spears of Hell**." There was a horrible, shrieking crackle, and nothing happened, for a moment. An instant after that, nine rime covered shafts of metal burst out of the ground, directly beneath where Cologne had been standing.

Luckily for the old crone, she was still much more powerful, and that much faster than Mato was, as she'd mentioned before. That was probably what had saved her, as the hem of her robe became encrusted with frost, went rigid, and crumbled away. "Oh my, that was a close one." Landing some distance away, the Amazon Elder frowned. She'd never seen such a thing in her life before. _A combination of the Breaking Point and elemental manipulation. From a distance, no less._

"**Are you finished running around yet**? **I want to end this before I bleed to death**."

"Hmm, perhaps then I should stall you until that happens?" Cologne knew by this point one very important fact; she had no idea what she was dealing with. It appeared to be a bad idea to engage in close quarters combat, just on the off chance that it was the distance between them that had caused the delay in the technique going off. Deciding to err on the side of caution, she lifted her hand. "Hiryu Sho-"

Mato held out his hand as well. Both hands actually, holding them parallel, one over the other. "**Chou Seppku**-"

"Wait!" Cologne held up her hands, this time not in preparation of an attack, but as a sign of surrender. "I withdraw from the battle, and admit my defeat. You've won boy." _I very much doubt he'd be willing to do such a thing, but I'm too old to be putting up with brats who think they can walk away from a 'suicide' blast. Such an arrogant whelp too, 'super suicide' indeed._

"**Shi Shi-**"

A stab of panic lanced through the Elder Amazon as she realized just how bad the situation had become. "You young fool, you'll kill everyone with an attack like that." She didn't think a thing was possible to perform, not with such weak chi as Mato possessed, but it was true. She could feel his feeble reserves slipping away into his hands, and she could also feel just how much the energy _magnified_ itself as it traveled along his arms. That was even more impossible. One of the basic laws of martial arts techniques was that you could never end with more energy in a technique that what you started with, unless you drew it from some outside source. Refining the energy was something nearly every martial artist could do, but this was beyond what one could learn from simple experience and experimentation. As far as Cologne could tell, there _was no outside source Mato was drawing on._ Cologne spared a second to glance at Shampoo.

Shampoo too had realized just how bad their day had gotten. She stood frozen in place, staring at the pulsating yellow light that gathered between Mato's hands.

"Stop!" Ranma stepped in between the two former combatants, holding his arms out wide. "C'mon man, she surrendered, you can't just keep attackin' like this." The cold look in Mato's eyes stunned him for a moment. He bulled on anyway, stubborn as always. _I don't think he's bluffing._ "Don't you have any honor? You can't just-"

"**Hoku-**"

There was a sharp _crack_, and a spatter of blood flew into the air.

The whining, eardrum punishing, rippling throb that had filled the air faded away.

Panting, Ukyo stood there, infront and a little to the side of Mato, clutching her battle spatula. The last two inches of the weapon had sheared off from the force she'd exerted on her blow, she'd actually hit hard enough to _break_ the edge off of her weapon. On the ground, the broken chunk of the spatula glittered bright red in the Observatory's lights. After a moment, it flickered and caught fire, flames licking along it's length before winking out.

Along the side of Mato's head, an angular slash from ear to jaw gleamed, weeping blood down the side of his head. "... Ow." After a moment or two of reflecting on how much it hurt to be on the wrong end of a rude knock like that, he shot a glare at Cologne. "Weren't you leaving?"

Frowning, Cologne nodded. Gesturing at Shampoo, who looked a little shell shocked from the whole ordeal. The Amazons left peacefully. Peacefully as one could, after nearly demolishing Tokyo Tower, that is.

Sighing, Mato touched a hand to the side of his hand, noting it came back slicked with blood. "Yeah, I think you caught my Jugular with that one." He let that hang in the air for a moment, looking at the other Neriman martial artists, as if he was expecting something. "... That means I'm bleeding to death, very quickly."

"Oh." Nodding, Ranma realized that made sense. "WHAT?" Then he apparently got a _clue_ as to what that ment.

Akane caught on a little quicker and was already looking around for a first aid box. It only took her a moment to locate one, as it was a short distance away from her. Too bad it was crushed under one of the beams that had been flung about. _Ooohh, Shampoo you bimbo!_ While it was true that Akane couldn't possibly know who had actually thrown that particular beam, the Amazons had started the fight, so she was pretty well justified in blaming them.

Looking back at Ukyo, Mato pressed his hand to the side of his head again, trying to stem the tide of red that was beginning to flow down his neck. Ukyo stood there, her face pale, her body trembling as she panted, trying to catch her breath. It seemed to be sinking in that she could very well have just killed him. "...Heh, nice hit. Didn't think you had it in you, honestly." Smiling, trying to reassure her that her that everything was fine, his face suddenly went slack, and he tipped forward. For a moment, he could see the ground starting to rush up at him, before blurring out in a haze of grey.

Then, as always, everything went black.

-

There were voices.

Voices, and a waft of warm air over his face.

That wasn't reassuring at all. Soft voices and a warm gentle breeze ment the worst. "Oh God dammit, am I dead again?" Opening his eyes, Mato moved to sit up, but froze when three Nerimans stared down at him. "Oh... So, that's a 'no' then?"

"Hah, told you he wasn't gonna die." Smirking, Ranma leaned back on his hands, taking a bit of weight off of his heels. His clothes were tattered and smudged with grease in a few places, but other than that, he seemed perfectly fine.

"Then why were you trying so hard to figure out how long it would take you to piggyback him to Dr. Tofu's clinic?" Akane groused, crossing her arms over her chest. Like Ranma, her clothes were a bit ragged and dingy. It seemed that nobody came away from the battle unscathed.

"You alright sugar?" Ukyo ignored the others, peering down at Mato's face. Even her bow looked a little ratty, amusingly enough. It wasn't often that the words 'battle damage' and 'pretty bow' could be used in the same sentence.

"Uh, yeah, fine. Why do you ask?" Scratching an eyebrow, Mato tensed his muscles a few times, then slowly sat up. _Weird, I feel totally fine. Aw crap, where am I?_ Looking around, Mato noticed a lot of sky, and a great view of the city. A very familiar view. "Tch, we're up at the top of the tower, aren't we? Dammit, how long was I out for?"

"About ten minutes, sugar." Ukyo stood up, stretching a bit. "We carried you up here after you fell over. You owe me a new sweater, by the way. You got your blood all over this one." Shooting him an irritated look, Ukyo turned her back on Mato, huffing a bit.

"Th-that's all?" _Holy crap, how far did I blow my reserves open back there? Considering all the damage I took, and the rate I'd been healing at before, I must have at least upped my reserves by a third. Bare minimum._ Frowning, Mato turned his head to ask Ukyo another question. "Hey, I wa- weh... Eh heh. Eh heh heh heh." An odd look crossed his face.

"What's so funny?" Gritting her teeth a little, irritated at just how fast he could laugh after pulling a stupid stunt like he had, Ukyo refused to look at him.

"You um, you ripped your tights a little." His eyes were locked on the object in question, or rather, what was behind the object in question.

Ranma and Akane were waist deep in an argument by this point, and were worlds away from hearing anyone but themselves. Ah, young love.

"What?"

"Yeah, right back _here_." Smirking, Mato reached up and pressed a finger someplace on Ukyo's person.

The effect was immediate and impressive. Ukyo shot right up onto the tips of her toes, and let out a horrified, indignant squeal. Holding her pose for a moment, she caught herself and whirled around, both hands pressed over her behind. Her face was bright red, and her eyes were very wide. "You jackass! Don't stick anything _there!_"

Smirking, Mato waggled his finger at her. "Why? Didja like it a bit too much?" Chuckling, he tilted his head to the side. "I dunno, I kinda enjoy the new look Ukyo. If it wasn't for the bloodstains, I might be tempted to try something else."

Growling, Ukyo stepped forward, raising a hand to smack Mato's head clear off of his shoulder. "Ooooh, you-"

Dipping his head, Mato simply smirked again. His eyes twinkled with a not-so-chaste hint of what he was thinking. _Oh boy, is this fun. Ten bucks says I can get her to go completely red before we even leave the tower._

"Don't _look_ at me like _that_!" Covering herself with her hand again, Ukyo settled for kicking him on the shin, _hard_. "Jackass!"

"Ow! What was that for?" Wincing, he crossed his arms over his chest, refusing to rub at his ankle, not matter how much it hurt more than the near-mortal wound she'd given him a short time ago. _Why the hell does THAT work out like that? How many damn nerve endings can an ankle have for cryin' out loud?_

"You know damn well what it's for, jackass!" _Oooohh, why couldn't it have been Ran-chan doing that? What's with him anyway?_ Ukyo chewed her lip a little, too lost in thought to be anything more than a bit irritated and angry. She had plenty of brain power left over to be utterly embarassed though, if the flush in her cheeks was any indication. _It's gotta be brain damage, nobody could bounce back like that so qui- wait. Is it because he's an Angel? Is that what it is? Wait, can an Angel be a pervert?_

_Meh, it must be this stupid body. There must have been some sort of lock or something keeping both my power down, and my personality in check. I guess I broke it when I lost it back there. It's probably why I went a little nuts back there too, I don't have any of my old safeguards in place to keep that from happening. I shouldn't be hampered from getting stronger anymore. I should've noticed a gain in strength from being pounded by Ryoga the other day, now I know why I didn't. Ah well, if I have anymore problems, I'll just have to look for another lock. Simple as that._ "Ok, who's hungry? I'm starvin'."

-

I gotta say, I'm not exactly happy with this chapter. It seems like every time I need to write in a fight scene, in any work I'm doing at the time, I always feel the need to have somebody get the crap smacked out of them. And I can't just go around handing out savage beatings to characters that I need alive, mobile, and functioning without brain damage in the next chapter.

So what do I do?

I get a character that can heal stupidly fast, and kick the ever loving SHIT out of them. It's my crutch.

I don't think I used to rely on this sort of thing before. At least, not until Joss Whedon rolled onto the TV stage and started showing us that, yes, it CAN be funny to beat, maim, and pound the hell out of characters everyone loves. And when that started to get old, he said 'fine', turned around, and started KILLING people.

... And yet somehow, he makes it work. God I love that twisted bastard.

Of course, in my defense, Mato had been getting the crap kicked out of him for comedic and dramatic reasons long before I'd watched my first episode of Buffy. But lets be honest, shall we?

Mato being pounded on by Cologne and Shampoo? Awesome.

Mato being pounded on by Ukyo right after saving her from being mangled? EXTRA awesome.

And yes, Ukyo did just about decapitate Mato. Moving on.

I gotta say, part of why I write all these chapters in bursts, is so I can incorporate a little bit of feedback that I get from you guys. I really think my work improves in part thanks to what you have to say about it. Uh, well, except for this chapter. I wrote a third of it right after I finished the last one, because I was feeling edgy and _needed_ to do some more writing. I pretty much finished the rest of it the day after.

What can I say? I feel a need to please you... Possibly because you all feed my MASSIVE ego. According to a friend of mine, whom I mentioned this to after feeling pumped from all the awesome reviews you guys leave me, I now need a poster.

A poster of me, with a city in the background. And a GIANT, blurry, undefinable black mass of a creature that towers over and shrouds the city in darkness. And a caption below that reads something like 'Please do not encourage the author, the last thing he needs is you feeding his ego.'

Frankly, I think that 'AUGH! CALL GODZILLA, THE AUTHOR'S EGO IS ON THE LOOSE!' is a hell of a lot funnier.

Review Reply time!

SithKnight-Galen- Ew, dude. 'Attract Cologne'? Bad mental image. As for the whole law thing, it's not a loophole. Unless the Amazons want the Japanese Army bearing down on them with F16s, they can't really resort to kidnapping, or anything that would cause an international incident. I mean, how do you explain to the Chinese government that the reason the crap got bombed out of a small village is because you _really_ wanted a guy to marry into the family? And yeah, no, no new engagements this chapter around. For obvious reasons.

James Birdsong- Hey, where's my five paragraph review buddy?

Jusenkyo- Glad you like it, officially recognized fangirl number two. I'll send the gift basket in the mail. Mato tends to... _Really_ think sarcasticly, I guess it's his way of dealing with stress without pissing too many people off. And yes, you do get to see one or two Ranma/Akane moments, I'll try and toss a few more in, if I can manage to squeeze them in between the 'oh crap' moments. And hey, I just rambled on for like, lemmie count... Seven or ten paragraphs up there, so no big deal.

Ok, reviews done. Only a couple this time. Ugh, I spent all night with a wicked migraine. Fever, nausea, slight chills. I'd better get some more reviews here to give me a reason to live, or else I'll... I'll... Ramble on about it in the notes section of the next chapter. Heh.

Until next time.


	12. Chapter 12

"What the hell was that back there?"

Off to the side, Akane was crouched behind Ukyo, trying to salvage her ripped tights. Considering Akane's skill with handicrafts, and how fragile tights usually were, it was a lost cause.

Not that Mato cared, as he was very obviously staring in the girl's direction. "...Huh?"

"Hey! Hello?" Reaching over, Ranma lightly konked Mato on the head. "Those attacks back there, how'd you do 'em?"

"Eh?" _Ah hell, the old Saotome charm. I swear, no matter how many times I meet him, he's always the same. How'd I pull something off, and can I teach it to him? Sigh._ "Which one?"

"Whaddya mean 'which one'? I wanna know how you did both of them!" An eager look twinkled in Ranma's eyes. He was already imagining what he could do when he mastered the techniques.

"Sorry, no. You'd never be able to pull 'em off." Sighing, Mato brushed at his tattered school uniform a few times. _I'm finished training Saotomes, I've had enough of that._ "You know of a good dry cleaner?"

"Huh? C'mon man, you can't hold out on me like that. What's the secret?" Ranma got even closer, proving that when it came to martial arts, he had no concept of personal space.

"Ugh, fine. You really wanna know?" He already knew the answer to that question. "Fine. To do the air blade, you have to fully master the Hiryu Shoten Ha."

Nodding eagerly, Ranma forced himself from leaning in closer. He was only a few inches away from Mato's face anyway. "Uh-huh, uh-huh, then what?"

"Then you have to fall in love with a Kitsune, who happens to be the reincarnation of the wind Goddess. Take her blood, steal her secrets, seduce both her demonic and divine forms... Oh, did I mention that it helps to be the physical reincarnation of a Kitsune, a former God of the earth as well?"

"..." Sweatdrop. "C'mon!"

"Look, I learned it from watching a swordsman, ok? The move I do is just a mimicry of a perfected technique. Until I actually bother to get around to perfecting it myself, I really can't teach you anything." _Meh, I've only done it about four times in my... Well, four times now. I should really get around to mastering it someday._

"Oh." _Demons and Gods an' stuff my ass._ "... Hey! You got all that demon stuff outta that last issue of that manga... What's it called?"

"Inuyasha?"

"Yeah, that's it!" Snorting, Ranma sat back on his heels. "Like any of that stuff could ever happen in real life."

"Uh, right." Sweatdropping, Mato looked off to the side. _You wanna tell him, or should I?_

"Well, what about the other one?"

Wincing, Mato tried to smile innocently. "What other one?"

"Blue spears of hell?"

_Dammit. It's never that easy, is it?_ "Ok, for that one, you have to go to hell."

"If you're gonna be a jerk about it-"

"No, I mean _literally._ You have to get to hell, all the way to the bottom. You have to delve past miles of tortured souls, past the worst dregs that humanity has ever had to offer. You have to crawl through literal walls of the eternal damned. Down into the flaming pits of the underworld itself, down, far down, to the freezing core of torment itself." Mato tipped his head down, his bangs casting his face into shadow. "There, not only must you face the very worst, most twisted reflection of all that is you, your failings, your greed, and your hidden malice... Only then can you face the ruler of all the damned without being cast into her thrall in an instant." His eyes glittered faintly, his voice becoming raw and husky. "If then, you can resist her sweet words and gilded empty promises, can you master a power that is unlike any mortal man has ever known. It is something beyond your understanding, a secret that will forevermore tarnish your very soul, and corrupt you from the inside out, until you are a blackened husk of your former self. A being in thrall to the very powers you fought so bitterly against, to gain that which had doomed you from the instant you had achieved it."

Ranma stared, entranced by the images the words had spun in his head. It was such a vivid thing, he could swear he could feel the searing heat, the bitter cold, and the mournful cries of the damned. "...Woah..."

"...Or, was that the last chapter of that manga? I forget."

"Gah." Flopping onto his side, Ranma sweatdropped. _He totally suckered me there. I almost believed him._ "Come on!"

"Nah, the truth is, if you can't do the Bakusai Tenketsu, there's no way in hell you'd ever be able to pull that version off." Smirking, Mato flopped onto his back, picking at a few rips in his shirt.

"Ok, fine. Where'd you learn it then?" Ranma smirked. _I'll just go and get whoever taught him, to teach me. I'm so smart._

"Oh, I kinda just whipped it up on the spot, actually." _I really do that a lot, don't I? The Hiryu Shoten Ha revision was just a variation of one I'd pulled off before. 'Course, that was sand, but the principal is the same, really._ "What's that look for?"

"Oh, nothing..." Sighing, Ranma hung his head. Poor boy, he _really_ wanted to learn those moves too.

Ukyo and Akane stared at the two from off to the side. "Boy, Ranma really does fall for everything, doesn't he?" Ukyo just nodded, trying not to squirm too much, and tear her tights again. "... Mato sure can tell a good ghost story though, can't he?"

-

"Great Grandmother, why we run?" Shampoo sat atop a roof a few miles away from the Tokyo Tower. The fight hadn't been much for her, but it did get her blood pumping. Having to run like that when they were winning had wounded her warrior pride a bit. "We was winning, yes?" All things considered, Shampoo had bounced back rather well, to the point of convincing herself that Mato's last attack had been nothing more than a bluff. _After all, if he hadn't been bluffing, he'd have just done it. Amazons never bluff, so why would anyone try to bluff us?_ Shockingly, Shampoo didn't _think_ in Japanese, but rather Chinese.

"No child, I do not think we were." Cologne mused, staring at the sliced end of her staff. "Not once that boy's voice changed." The Amazon Elder picked at the hem of her robe. "I've heard of techniques like that before, but..." _No martial artist would be so willing to throw their life away for such a trivial thing. Not even son-in-law is that frivolous with his life. And there was something... Inhuman about him._

"What is but?" Shampoo blinked, looking away from the tower. "Is what problem?"

"The problem is, the only..." Cologne frowned, trailing off for a moment. "Have you ever seen the Boulder of Safekeeping, at the edge of the village?"

"Shampoo see many time. Mousse ask Shampoo marry there many time, many time Shampoo hit on head. He no get clue."

"Yes, well... There's something of a legend about that rock." Frowning, Cologne ran her finger over the cut end of her staff. _A clean cut indeed._ "As you know, many a demon once plagued the world."

"Yes yes, Shampoo know. Tribe wipe out all demon in province, scatter demon to four corner of world. Great victory, big lunch after done."

"Except for one. One demon was too arrogant to flee, thinking itself much to strong to be harmed by mere mortals. It felt much differently, after the elders of that age _cut out it's heart._" Setting down her staff, Cologne tucked her hands into the sleeves of her robes. "We sealed it's body in the rock, and were undecided on the fate of the beast's heart. Some wanted to seal it away as well, others wanted to destroy it. A small few wished to study it, take it's power to strengthen the village." Closing her eyes, she frowned. "That was forbidden, of course. And of course, those few could not accept it. Sealing away the heart during the victory feast, the fled into the west, taking the heart with them. Most of them did not make it very far."

"Why is so? Change mind, come home crying?"

"No child." She smiled, humorlessly. "They fell upon each other. Not one of them could willingly give up all the power the heart promised, not to share. It was that powerful, and that tempting. All but one of them were found; broken, torn apart. But the last was never found, and neither was the heart." Cologne clutched her hands together, sinking deeper into worry.

"Why is you worry, Great Grandmother? Demon sealed up, yes?"

"Yes, but the _heart_, the source of it's power... With it, any mere mortal would have powers far stronger than one's fragile shell could contain." _And perhaps open themselves to possession by that horrible creature. Unless it's consciousness is still sealed in the stone. Perhaps then they would simply be corrupted._

Shampoo shivered inspite of herself. "Is no demon, but stupid boy, is all. You able to tell if he is demon, yes?"

"I do not know child. Our tribe has long since given up the ways of demon hunting. All I know is what the demon was called." Bowing her head, Cologne was lost in thought for some time. Eventually, she spoke. "Lan Se Feng Bao Nei Xin, that was what we called it." A cool spring breeze washed over the rooftop, ruffling the Amazon's clothing, as she switched to her native Mandarin. (The Blue Heart of the Storm.)

-

"Wow, the cops sure cleared out this place quick." Arms wrapped around Ukyo's middle, Mato lightly hopped down from the roof of Club three three three. "Whatta mess."

_How did I ever agree to let this jackass carry me?_ "It's not like you didn't do any of this too, sugar."

"Hey, I was a bit too busy to notice. I recall I was savin' some ingrate's life. Uhhh, refresh my memory, who was that ingrate again?" Irritated, Mato held Ukyo against his stomach. _Yes, this is exactly what I wanted. To be subbing for a pair of pants, in the middle of a busted up Tokyo Tower, late at night, with Ranma and Akane shootin' me weird looks. Oh yeah, yee haw. My life is now complete._ Sighing, he hung his head. "Could've hid in the Shinto shrine. Would've been a lot easier to get outta here..._ Four hours ago._"

"Not really." Clinging to Ranma's neck, Akane looked around. Since she was the only one who couldn't really leap very high, or at all, really, she'd needed to be carried too. "Ranma can't sit in the seiza position without falling over."

Sweatdropping, Ranma didn't bother to comment. For about two seconds. "Hey! It's hard, ok?"

"Please Saotome, make some more noise. I was just thinking about how I wanted to see what the Police were planning to do to us when they caught us up here." Frowning, Mato looked around. "Yeah, no... It looks like everything is locked up tight, if it isn't outright busted." _So much for getting her a pair of pants or something. Oh joy, is the train ride home gonna be fun. God dammit._

"There's my spatula." Ukyo pointed with one hand. "Hey, sugar? Sugar? My spatula? Hey! Hello?" Wriggling a little in his arms, Ukyo kept pointing with one hand, tapping at Mato's arms with the other. "It's over there. See? Right there."

"Alright! Alright, geez." Grumbling, Mato carefully walked over to where the weapon lay. He would have stomped, but he didn't want to end up making the floor collapse and falling a few hundred feet. "Gimmie a sec, wouldja?"

"I'd get it myself, but I'm having a little-"

"Wardrobe malfunction?" Snorting, Mato leaned over, low enough for Ukyo to grab her abandoned weapon. _Wonder what happened to th- oh, there's the end._ Arching an eyebrow, he stared at the soot stained remains of the broken tip of the battle spatula. Blackened and warped, it still looked relatively intact.

Lovingly clutching her spatula to her chest, Ukyo too, had caught sight of the remains of the tip. "... Do I even ask?"

"No..." Staring for a moment longer, Mato scuffed the blackened slat of metal into a gap in the floor with the side of his foot. "No you don't." Straightening up, he shook his head a little. "You really don't want to hear the answer."

Chewing on her lip, Ukyo stared at the stunted end of her spatula. _I know what I saw, but I just don't know how it's possible. Not unless..._ "Sugar, are you related to Sa-"

"Hey! The stairs are fine over here!"

The pair whirled, or rather, Mato whirled, and Ukyo came along for the ride. They both put a finger to their lips. "SHHH! Idiot!"

"Uh, sorry." Sweatdropping, Ranma rubbed the back of his head.

-

"Here you is, Great Grandmother." Shampoo smiled, setting down a cup of tea on the only clear space on the table.

"Here you _are_, child."

"Oh, you give Shampoo book?"

Sigh. "No, nevermind." Shaking her head, Cologne picked up the teacup and took a sip, mulling over what she'd read. The table before her was strewn with scrolls, books, tablets, and in one case, a piece of etched pottery. Not all the information before her actually directly related to her search, but anything to do with Demons was helpful at this point. _Unnatural colored eyes are a sign of Demonic possession. A distorted voice is a sign of Demonic possession. Odd clothing is a sign of Demonic possession. Bah, it seems that every teenager with colored eye lenses and a throat infection is a Demon these days._ Sighing, Cologne shook her head. _Still, I can't deny that some of this relates._

"Is any clue?" Shampoo held the serving tray to her chest, staring at all the items spread across the table. "Is much to read."

"There are a few clues, yes." _A Demon is not to be trifled with, but then, neither am I._ "I do have some idea of what we could do." _A very clever idea, if I do say so myself. With it, we could be rid of three pests at once, and be that much closer to Shampoo wedding son-in-law._ Reaching across the table, the Amazon Elder picked up the volume she'd dug out of storage. _Demonic weaknesses. From Holy sources, to overpowering attacks from their own kind, it's all in here._ The second she was most interested in, however, was possession. _If a mortal is possessed by a Demon, it may take complete control of the host body, provided the creature is strong enough. Too strong, and the body could be obliterated. Too weak, and the Demon will end up being a prisoner in the body, until it gains sufficient strength to either break free, or claim the body for it's own._ "And that may be the key."

"Is good, yes?"

"Very." Smirking, Cologne turned the page. "I have a plan, that will give us all what we want." _The first step is to concoct a hokey story and scroll, claiming that a mortal with the great strength needed to slay a world-devouring Demon will be born in Japan. Then, I simply add in a crude drawing of that Tendo girl. From there, we promise to render the engagement null if she will simply come to China, and destroy the Demon for us._ Cologne sipped at her tea, setting down the old volume to warm her shriveled hands around the blue stained cup. _From there, we allow the Demon to possess the girl's body. We have that pesky whelp at hand, and we'll use his ill gotten powers to destroy both the Demon, the girl, and himself. He won't be able to resist, if I let it slip that he can claim even greater power by establishing dominance over the Demon's true form._ She took a last sip of tea, draining the small cup. _With those three out of the way, all that will remain is for Shampoo to comfort the poor, distressed boy. Over time, he will recover from the loss, and turn to my Great Grand-daughter for support._ "The perfect plan."

Beaming, Shampoo collected the empty cup and skipped off, humming to herself. "Shampoo bring more tea." _Soon, Ranma will be all mine._

-

_Yeah, this isn't how I saw my day ending._ Sighing softly, Mato looked over at his fellow passengers.

Slumped together, Ranma and Akane sat on the row of seats across the train. Both were asleep, Ranma snoring softly, his cheek pressed against the top of Akane's head.

Shaking his head, Mato looked around the train for a bit, before looking down at his lap.

Breathing softly, Ukyo had her arms resting over Mato's. She'd shifted somewhat in her sleep, curling up against him a bit. With her tights torn, she'd refused to plant her tush on a public seat, having no idea where it'd been. Instead, she'd forced her guardian Angel to act as a booster seat.

_Am I the only one who sees a problem with her sitting on my lap without anything covering her butt? Seriously?_ Sighing again, Mato stretched out his legs, wiggling his toes a bit to keep his circulation going. _Well, as long as she doesn't start having any bizarre dreams, I should be ok. Geez, what else could go wrong?_ He blinked a few times, before his eyes widened in shock. _Oh God dammit! That doesn't count! It doesn't count unless I say it out loud!_

Shifting a bit in her sleep, Ukyo mumbled something and nuzzled her head into the crook of Mato's shoulder. Fussing a bit, she kicked her feet a few times before coiling her legs around his.

_Oh great, perfect. Since when was she such a cuddly sleeper? Meh. It's probably just because she's dreaming about her 'darling' Ran-chan. Tch._ Shooting the sleeping Saotome a glare, he resisted the urge to sigh again. _What else could go wr- I didn't finish it! It doesn't co- oh GOD DAMMIT!_ Squeezing his eyes shut, Mato had to fight very hard not to scream out loud in frustration. He _knew_ something was going to happen now. It was a fundamental law of the universe.

Whenever someone asked what could possibly go wrong, that's when the Universe stepped in with a visual aid. The only way it could be any worse, is if some idiot said 'at least nothing _else_ can go wrong'. The Universe got _nasty_ at that point.

The train clattered on.

_...Huh. Go figure. I woulda thought for sure th-_

And with a soft squeal of the brakes, the train slowly glided to a stop. In the middle of the tracks, thirty feet in the air. A soft voice announced that due to some slight damage to the tracks, the train was stopping for the night.

_... Perfect._

Then the lights went out.

_Oh this sucks. Ok, y'know what Universe? Screw you. I've had just about a damn 'nuff of this crap. You wanna throw your worst at me? Fine! Do your worst. I DARE you._

"Ummfff, mmm..." Shifting a little, Ukyo started mumbling in her sleep.

A hand batted Mato's face a few times, and he was tempted for a moment to give it a bite. Right up until it settled on top of his head, and began stroking his hair. _Aw crap, this won't end we-_ It was right about then, he felt a set of teeth nipping at his neck. _A hickey, great. That's just what I needed to explain to everyone in the morning. There is no possible way this could get any worse. And I'm only sayin' that, because I'm hoping something will explode and kill us all, and FREE ME FROM THIS UTTER BULL SH-_

The hand tugged his hair, and a set of lips roughly pressed against his.

_... That's it, I quit._

-

The Mandarin is done in Pinyin, so hopefully it's somewhat pronounceable. The 'Xin' is pronounced as 'Jin' if you weren't sure. The more you know.

Review reply time! Boy, I got some nitpicky ones this time. And after a quick edit, I also got some very nice reviews. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, even the ones who chapped my hide a little.

And no, I didn't change anything on the edit, I just added in my replies to the new reviews. All the frustration and bile remains. Grump, grump, grouch.

My-name-is-foxglove- You know, had you checked an hour or two earlier, you would have gotten in before I added the second one. I guess part of luck is timing, hey? Hope your leg is doing better. Glad you liked the chapters, and holy snap, just under the Battousai? Score.

Six-string Samurai- Hey, it got past the spell checker, sue me. I honestly can't tell if you're trying to tease me, or just give me a hard time. It's hard to tell with text. Your second review is a bit less, shall we say, abrasive? And yes, I realize that blasting one technique off over and over again is irritating as hell. But it's _funny_ dammit. Plus, with a glass floor, I'd be doing the same thing. Control the battlefield, control the battle, right?

Lerris- I have no idea what author or character you're referencing, looks like it's back to google and wikipedia for me. As for the rest of your review, let's see... Um, no. Why would I want to change the way I'm writing? First of all, I enjoy writing this way, and if I can't enjoy my work, why the hell bother? Second, if it's worked for the first eleven chapters, why would I change up on twelve?

Actually, some of your comments and questions really irk me, so you get another paragraph. Did you not pay attention to the first three or so chapters or something? I'm not here to force anyone to read my work, but if you're going to criticize, you could at least pay attention to what you're commenting on.

Ok, this gets it's own paragraph too, and some caps for the hell of it. WHY DOES RANMA SUDDENLY LOVE AKANE? Seriously? Really now? Come on. Ok, ignoring the movie, ok, make that BOTH movies, ignoring the attempted wedd- ignoring BOTH attempted weddings in the manga... Ok, do you actually read anything you're reading, or what?

Ok, frankly, your review is just bugging the hell out of me. Do you NOT understand what the entire driving FORCE of the SERIES is? The driving force IS LOVE DAMMIT. Sure you have wacky fun and kung fu, but it's pretty much sewn together with love. Yeash.

And lastly, NO, I'm NOT changing my format.

God help me, I'm really miffed about this. I'm lumping you in with everyone else that's said outright bizarre stuff.

Mass Effect is a porno. There's no romance in The Fifth Element. The Resident Evil trilogy didn't vomit all over the game series plot. Uwe Boll is creative. Snakes on a Train should be the next movie. The first Incredible Hulk movie had a plot. Dumbledor killed Snape. Ok, that last one is me screwing around, sorry.

Ok, maybe I'm over-reacting, but still... I'm sorry if anyone was offended by my ranting, or any and all replies to the reviews in question. Even the people I was spewing bile directly at.

Acting my age now. Moving on.

SithKnight-Galen- I've gotta say it's the second one. I don't really remember Cologne ever ending a fight without her feeling like she came out ahead, even if she actually seemed to lose the battle. She's a canny old crone, that's for sure. As for the end of the spatula seeming to burn up, I didn't actually mean for it to sound that way. Hopefully, I was a bit more clear on it's actual fate in this chapter. Thanks for catching at, as I'm sure a lot of other people were probably wondering the same thing. I need to focus just a bit more on detail, I guess. And yeah, what limits indeed?

The Azure Penguin- Review one. Yeah, poor Mousse. I couldn't really throw him into the attack, for the obvious reason that he'd never help Shampoo marry Ranma. But then, Cologne's smart enough to know that, so it all worked out ok. Oh, now I'm being blackmailed by fangirls? Just for fluff between Mato and Ukyo? I feel so used. Oh my my, you seem to see them as an item, eh? Don't mention that to the Ukyo/Ryoga fangirls, it could get ugly.

Review two. Meh, I used to get migraines all the time. I spent nearly two straight years suffering from them every day. Other than pain, and being uncomfortable and sleepless, I'll be fine. Thanks for worrying though. Glad you liked the chapter, uh, what can I say? One person's crutch, is another person's awesome, bad ass beat stick? I'm not sure what else to say, that won't spoil anything, so, thanks. What can I say? You keep reading, and I'll keep writing.

James Birdsong- Darn. Ah well. Thank you for your honesty, and the kind words. Hope this chapter was up to snuff too.


	13. Chapter 13

"Why do you keep glaring at me like that sugar?"

"No reason. And I'm not glaring, it's your imagination."

"Sure sugar, whatever you say." Sighing, Ukyo took another sip from the tiny bottle of mouthwash they'd picked up at a store in Nakai. _What're the odds that the train would stop for the night, so close to a town right on the tracks?_ Sitting on the low wall surrounding the building they were waiting outside of, Ukyo brushed at the torn jacket she was wearing tied around her waist. The school uniform jacket was pretty beaten up, and the collar was stained with blood on one side, but it did the job of covering her backside. Or well enough at least, if the wind didn't pick up.

"Meh." Sighing, Mato shook his head and turned to look at the little dojo they'd stopped outside. "You know, I didn't think that those two would get along so well without breaking out into a fight." _Kinda weird that they'd decided to go in together. I know you go to other dojos to spread word of your own, but c'mon. Them? Together? Hah._ For his part, Mato had no interest in spreading fame. He'd stop for a good fight, occasionally, but he'd prefer to remain forgotten if he had anything to say about it. _Like footprints on sand, so is my life... Fleeting._ Sigh. _Seriously, c'mon now. When the hell did Ranma and Akane decide to start acting like a real couple?_

Ukyo shrugged, gargled, and spat into a waste bucket. _I wonder why Ran-chan said he didn't sleep well? I felt great when I woke up. Maybe it's because I've got a FOOL PROOF PLAN!_ Resisting the urge to cackle outloud, Ukyo took another swig of mouthwash. _Wonder why Mato insisted I needed mouthwash?_ She shot him an odd look. _Whatever, a girl can't have breath that's too fresh._

"I mean, it's just a little eerie that-"

There was a crash, some yelling, and a student dressed in a gi flew out through one of the dojo windows.

"Oops, here we go!" Hopping up from where he was sprawled on the ground, Mato turned to call back over his shoulder as he ran into the dojo. "Be right back!" _Ok, that's more like it. Yelling, violence, and property destruction. This I'm comfortable with._

Gargle, spit. "Whatever sugar."

"An intruder! Get him too!"

"Yes Sensei! KEE-YAAA-"

"Oh shut up you-" Wham! "What the hell were you thinking? You're a Goddamn _yellow belt!_"

-

Humming to herself, Kasumi wandered around the house. She had a little time before she was going to the market to pick up something for dinner. She'd also planned to stop by the clinic to visit Dr. Tofu, for no particular reason. She was just wandering around, absently cleaning anything she happened to come across.

In a span of about five minutes, Kasumi cleaned the table, the living room, and the front hall. She also dusted the TV, the lights, and washed the sink.

"My my, such efficient movements. You may have missed your true calling, my dear."

"Oh, hello." Smiling, Kasumi set down her sponge. "If you're looking for Ranma, I think he and Akane are coming home this afternoon."

Cologne pogoed forward on her staff. "Yes, I have some important matters to discuss with him, as well as your family."

"Oh, can I offer you a cup of tea while you wait?"

-

People were laughing. Three people, to be specific. Laughing as if Zeus had changed his favored method of smiting from hurling lightning bolts, to very well crafted jokes. Maybe Mitch Hedberg was giving him tips? But no, that's silly, he wasn't dead in ninety-five. Or Greek.

"And then- and then, he picks up the bokken, and he goes-" Mato deepened his voice. "_You have tarnished my honor by throwing my prized student and son across the dojo. I shall cleanse this dishonor with my blade!_" Trying not to burst into giggles, he waved his hands at Ranma and Akane, trying to stop them from laughing so much. "I'm not finished! Hang on! And then he runs right at me, and breaks the damn thing over my head."

Howling with laughter, Ranma slumped against Akane, clutching his belly.

"And he's just standing there, staring at what's left of the thing with- Akane, do that face again."

Biting her lip to keep from giggling, Akane bugged out her eyes and puffed up her cheeks a little, making Ranma howl even louder.

"Oh my God, that's exactly what he looked like. An- and he's staring at like, four inches of handle, then he looks at me, and I go; 'What? It's a friggin' wooden _stick_ you hit me with!' Like he expected anything else to happen?"

Ranma feebly waved a hand at Mato a few times, nearly paralyzed from laughing so hard. "And the part about it being in his fam-"

"Oh, right right right. Then he goes; _"That bokken had been in my family for eighty years. It was a priceless family heirloom.'_ And I go-"

Ranma and Akane chimed in as Mato spoke.

"Then why'd ya bust it over my head_?_"

All three martial artists were reduced to little piles of limp flesh, quivering with mirth.

And Ukyo? She just sat there, staring at them. _Idiots. Maybe I should rethink all this effort I put into my plans, and just whack 'em on the head right now. Save me a lot of trouble._ Sighing, Ukyo looked out the window, watching the scenery go rushing past._ This train can't get back to Nerima fast enough._

-

Genma-Panda stared at Cologne, along with the rest of the household. He'd heard the same thing everyone else had; A Demon, in China, that only a supremely powerful and skilled martial artist could defeat. A martial artist born into greatness, destined from birth to be the one to save all of China.

Everyone knew it was madness. Akane couldn't even make soup without sending three people to the hospital. True, Ranma only went there because he opened his mouth, and Akane would clock him with the pot, but still...

SOUNDS GREAT! WHEN DO WE GO TO CHINA FOR THE FREE FOOD?

Everyone except for Genma, that is. The fat, lazy, slob was only thinking about himself, as usual.

"Um, no. You don't seem to understand, only son-in-law and the girl need come." Cologne refused to let the fat bastard become a hitch in her perfect plan. She also refused to feed him too, he'd eat them right out of the village if they let him.

THEN I FORBID IT!

"Well, then it's wonderful that you have no say in the matter." Sleeving her hands, Cologne bowed her head as if the matter were already settled. She knew it was, once the fat slob was out of the picture. She'd offered them both something they could not refuse.

And, if the sound of Genma-Panda being punted out the door and into the Koi pond was any indication, Ranma too, felt that the matter was settled.

_All according to plan. Thank you very much, son-in-law. Now, all Shampoo has to do, is convince that whelp to go along with the plan, and all will be settled in a matter of days. Might as well deal with the last fiancee, just in case. It wouldn't do to leave any loose ends unbound._

-

"What?"

"Is what Great Grandmother say; Stupid boy get more power if take from demon himself." Shampoo smiled cattily. "Is what want, yes? Power."

Mato arched an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. And what do I get out of this?"

Shampoo frowned for a moment, then covered it up with a sultry smile. Leaning close, she pulled back her shoulders, making her chest puff out a bit. Cologne had warned her that this may happen.

_Remember Shampoo, lust comes in many forms. It's likely this boy will want more than what you're offering, so be ready to toy with his emotions a little. Just enough to seal the deal._

"You is wanting Shampoo yes?" She batted her eyes at him. _Stupid boy, why would I care one wit about you? Ranma is the only man worth my time. But soon, I'll have him, and you'll be dead._

"Well, something like that..." Lifting his hands, Mato cupped both her cheeks gently, and leaned in close to her face. "Shampoo..."

Her smile changed, just a hint of wickedness creeping into the curve of her lips. _Just a little more, then I pull away, and promise you everything that I'd never ever give you. Then I'll- eh?_

His voice dropped to a low hiss, his eyes gittering with barely checked malice. "What if I said all I want you is _dead_?" He turned her head a little, rocking it on her neck. He peeled his lips back from his teeth, licking his fangs in a disturbing manner as he dipped his head. "Remember this, Shampoo. If you think you, or that withered monkey of an Elder can fool me, remember _this_."

Letting out a hint of a squeek, Shampoo was sure she felt the light touch of teeth against the skin of her throat. _Wh- what is he doing? This wasn't how we planned it._

"If I catch you trying to deceive me again, with such an insulting farce... I'll tear your throat out, and feast on your innards." _Just a hint of a nibble, and if she stops just shy of wetting herself, my job is done. Good God, I'm really too good at playing the badguy like this. I'm starting to think it's not worth my time to keep resisting corruption all the damn time. My better talents are so wasted on witty, brilliant jabs at my opponent's self esteem._ He nipped lightly at her neck, just to sell the act. _Plus, I'd have an excuse to wear a cape._ "Also, give the little husk a message for me. Tell her that she reminds me of Xu Sen of the Ren tribe." Releasing his hold on the girl, he gave her a light push. "Now... Go."

Stumbling a little, Shampoo kept her eyes locked on his face. Or rather, his mouth, and those terrible fangs. A few shaky steps back, and she turned and fled.

-

Sighing, Akane stared at every single scrap of clothing she owned. It was spread out over her bed, her dressers, the floor. Practically every single available flat surface was being utilized, and the doorknob too. It was official. "I don't have a thing to wear in China."

"Geez Akane, how can you wear that much stuff in a year? We'll only be gone two weeks." Ranma hung outside Akane's window, dangling upside down from the roof by his feet.

"Shut up. I need to go shopping for some clothes to wear." _Everything I own makes my butt look fat._ In truth, the clothes weren't bothering Akane at all. There was a nagging doubt somewhere in the back of her brain, whispering; _This isn't right... Something is wrong..._ But, Akane's instincts weren't as well developed as they probably should have been. So her doubt manifested itself the only way it could; Her clothes made her butt look fat.

"Right, and my dad doesn't have a huge gut. It's just a tire he stuffs into his gi for fun." Ranma rolled his eyes.

"Shut up. Don't you have packing to do yourself?" Akane refused to look at him. She needed to put as much brainpower to solving her problem as she could.

"Already done. I finished ten minutes ago."

"What? How could you do that? We just found _out_ ten minutes ago."

"Yeah. I just jammed all my clothes into my bag." Grinning, Ranma folded his hands behind his head, looking very pleased with himself, and his clever solution.

"... You're an idiot." _Boys._ Sigh.

"What? Wha'd I do?"

-

"You do know this is a trap, right?"

"Oh for sure. But you should still think about gettin' one of those dresses."

Ukyo sighed, halfway done packing already. Nabiki had phoned to give her the heads up. And offered the advice and info for the low, low price of a thousand yen. Ukyo had whittled her down to five hundred, and that was that. They were headed for China in the morning. "Why sugar? You just want to see me parade around the house in it?" If Ukyo's tone was any indication, that idea ranked somewhere up there along with wearing a ballroom gown while scrubbing the sink. Not too special.

"Yup, pretty much."

"... You need serious help, sugar." _Does he always have to tease me like that? He is the WORST Angel ever, I swear._

"What? Wha'd I say?"

"Nothing, nevermind." Sigh. _Great, just what I needed. TWO Ran-chans. God, why can't I ever find a man to be interested in ME?_ Ukyo paused for a moment, then started knocking her fists over her head. _No no no Ukyo! That's lose talk! You're gonna get Ran-chan for sure on this one! All you've got to do is kill a Demon. Simple right? You've got an Angel to do all the dirty work, while you cruise through the show, and wrap Ran-chan's heart around your little finger._

"Yeah, that can't be good for your brain." Sweatdropping, Mato shook his head and flopped onto the floor on his back. It was his preferred position. If he didn't have to think, or actually do anything, he liked to lay down and make like a corpse. He didn't move, he didn't look around, and he hardly breathed.

"Eh?" After a moment or two, Ukyo got wise, straightened her hair, and went back to packing. Until a body hit the floor with a thump. Sighing, she looked over at the limp Angel. "Sugar, get up off the floor."

"...Why is it no woman on Earth can ever let me lay down and rest in peace?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"Because I said so, that's why sugar."

_God dammit. There's no rest for the weary, the wicked, or me._ Sitting up, he shot Ukyo an irritated glare. "Is it like a gender pact or something? No rest for Mato, as long as he's around a female?"

"Sugar, shut up." Shaking her head, she tossed a sweater into her bag. "Think about how we're gonna make it look like I killed the Demon."

"I keep telling you, there's no demon sealed up in that village." _Not anymore, there isn't. _

"Well Cologne says otherwise. Besides, how would you know?"

_Because I killed the damn thing myself, fifteen years ago._ Frowning, Mato rested an arm over a bent knee, staring at the wall vacantly. "Killing Demons is easy Ukyo. All you have to do is rip them apart. If you want something a little easier on the lower back, you should use some sort of holy or sacred tool or seal on them. After they're helpless, go for the decap. Just a quick _whsht_ and the problem vanishes along with everything above the neck."

"Ha, I know just the thing." Smiling, Ukyo decided to add a bathing suit. Not needed, sure, but one never knew what chances would come up. There was no way in hell Ukyo would miss the opportunity to show off infront of Ranma if the situation came up. "So how do you know all this sugar? Pay extra good attention in Angeling class?"

Mato shrugged halfheartedly, still staring vacantly at the wall. _...No, no I didn't. But you wouldn't understand Ukyo, so I can't tell you._ Letting his eyes slide closed, Mato tried very hard to picture two people. They were very important, or rather, they should have been. It made it all the harder when he could only conjure up a pair of blurry, half-remembered faces. "It was kind of a job."

"Hah. So it's either Cupid, wish granter, or Demon slayer then?" Ukyo smirked, focused on thinking of what else she should pack.

"Something like that." _No, nothing like that at all._ Two blurry faces, and several teenagers, closer to being children than adults really. _I killed Demons, because they didn't kill me. Because of them, I was alone. So I killed them, all because they couldn't kill me._ Mato realized he hadn't thought about his parents for a long time. _I wonder who they were? Funny, I don't even remember their names. Life is so strange sometimes. Why do people who have everything, or close enough to it..._ Opening his eyes, he turned to glance at Ukyo. The curve of her mouth, the way her hair fell around her face, so very much the same. _Why do people who have everything right infront of them think they have nothing at all?_

-

"And that's all?"

Shampoo nodded, huddled in a chair, clutching a steaming cup close to her face. She stared vacantly into her tea, seeing nothing but those fangs in her mind's eye. Her tea would go cold long before she even thought about drinking it.

Sighing, Cologne shook her head. "That little brat. He was toying with you Shampoo."

"How you know?"

"... Because Xu Sen of the Ren tribe died from a bladder infection." _Mainly because she was too proud and stubborn to admit it. She also never told anyone about it. Done in by her own pride._ She could easily see the message hidden in the words the boy had chosen. Cologne sighed. "I'm really starting to hate that brat."

-

Ok, that chapter's done. Sorry everyone, for how long it took me. I guess I had a bit of writer's block, because this thing was sitting on my desktop at page three for a few days before I got around to finishing it. Oh well, it's done now. I figure since I spent so many times getting a new chapter up in two or three days, I'm due a little break every now and then, right?

Review reply time!

James Birdsong- Great, thanks. Glad you liked it. Double thanks for both reviews?

The Azure Penguin- It's ok. And yeah, what the hell Ukyo? What's wrong with you?

"I like Ran-chan. Bite me."

Geez, so grumpy for a fictional character. Poor Mato, he can never get any credit for anything he does, huh? I'm impressed that you re-read the whole thing, in one sitting too? I do have to say, a lot of Ukyo's plans seem to rely on taking advantage when everybody's attention isn't one hundred percent. And Mato has a knack for being able to distract people, usually by saying very bizarre things. So, Ukyo works with what she's got. You should probably get a flowchart going if you're going to try and figure out how all the pieces of this puzzle go together, otherwise you'll end up with one mother of a headache. The plot is driven on a few sweet moments, and a whole lot of being evil, and being a jerk. Also, The Fifth Element is the greatest romance movie I've ever seen, there I said it.

Jusenkyo- My my, it seems everyone has forgotten all about the kiss in the dark. Throw 'I wanna' infront of the word kiss, and you have a very obscure reference slash quote. A prize to anyone who gets it. Well, Mato apparently didn't forget it, but it must not have tasted any good, if his reaction was 'Ukyo, you need mouthwash, badly'. A pity, because it seemed so nice when I first wrote it. Leave it to my own character to ruin my nice moments. Sigh.

SithKnight-Galen- Ah, a staunch and loyal defender. Now go smite me some damn Rodians! Mwahaha! Ahem, sorry. Thanks for the support. What can I say? Cologne is a schemer, through and through. You don't live to be that old unless you're clever, or very good at running. As for Fate, yeah, she's a coy one. Bit of a temper though. I do wonder what Ukyo was dreaming about though? Also, hints at how to kill a Demon. Seems somebody's been practicing a bit.

Rose1948- Glad you've enjoyed yourself. Mato's the universal punching bag, he's somewhat used to it, as he's stopped screaming out loud over how damn unfair it is. XD Ah the clue-by-four. I do love that joke. What the future holds in store for Ukyo and Cologne? Who knows? It'll damn well be funny, if I have anything to say about it.

Six-string Samurai- Yay! Less snarking! Sorry if I overreacted, but I was feeling a little picked on back there. Hope you can overlook it. I'll forgive you, if you forgive me, ok? And if you can't forgive me, then you can kiss my a- ah, you CAN forgive me? Oh, uh, ok then! Yay! Everybody wins!

It seems that My-name-is-foxglove can't input her review for some reason, so it's going up here, just so people can see why the heck I'm saying stuff. I don't want anyone to think I'm crazy... Unless it somehow pays off for me.

Hiya! Gomen-kudasai, but won't let me review the newest chapter of 'Be  
careful what you wish for' so ^_^ you get a PM instead!  
Nice chappie :)

EVIL COLGONE *Wacks with anti-villain broom* How dare you even THINK of doing  
such a thing to Akane!!!! : DIE!!!!! *WACK*WACK*SPLAT*CRUNCH*WACK*  
*breathes in deeply*  
*breathes out*

Ok, I'm good, I'm good.  
Akane's my fav. character (along with mallet-sama), so, maybe I get a LITTLE  
over-protective...  
Bravo for telling off Lerris,  
Can't wait for the next update

My-name-is-foxglove- Thanks, glad you liked it. Hey, if you kill off Cologne, then who's gong to have their evil plans backfire on them, like EVERYONE (glares at fans) seems to know already for some reason. Here's the new chapter, hope you like it.

Up next; China! GONG!

End of chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

"I know I say this kinda thing a lot... But does it really bother nobody else that I'm standing here?"

"Just keep the bandanna down and we'll be fine sugar."

"This is the most embarassing day of my life."

"Relax Akane, Mato's not going to peek."

"Not if I want to _live_ through this I'm not."

"Ranma had better hurry back with our clothes."

"Hey, do you guys remember who said it was a _bad_ idea to stop and skinny dip in this hot spring? Who was it... Oh, right. It was ME. _I_ said it was a ba-"

"SHUT UP!"

Sigh. "Typical." Shaking his head, Mato reclined on the ground. It had only taken a few minutes to go from 'ooh, skinny dipping! girlish fun!' to 'ok, those guys set this up and stole our luggage, this sucks'. _I have to give them credit though. Setting up the fake hotspring to drain on command, and stealing everything while we were distracted? That's pretty good._

"Hey, Akane. Is your chest a little bigger?"

"Eh? Oh, I don't know. Maybe a little?"

_Oh God, not girl talk. Lord, strike me down now, so that I may not suff- what the HELL am I saying? God's the reason I'm IN this mess in the first place! God DAMMIT!_ "This is just about as much crap as I can take."

"You say something sugar?" Whatever Ukyo was doing, Mato couldn't see it. He could hear plenty though, and that was too much information for his tastes.

"Y'know, knowing my luck, these bandits would be just smart enough to leave a small group of men behind to-" Ukyo squeeked. "What? What happened? What's going on?"

"When you're right, you're right sugar." Akane cringed, hiding behind Ukyo. "Hey! Who'm I gonna hide behind?"

(Kill the man, and take the women.)

"Oh yeah, lucky me. What a day to be alive." Sighing, Mato stood up and hooked a finger into his bandanna, starting to pull it do-

"HEY! Keep those peepers covered mister!"

"What? Are you crazy or something? I can't exactly fight off God knows how many of these guys while blindfolded!"

"Well you're gonna have to sugar!"

"Did I mention the fact that they're planning on _killing_ me? As in, make me not alive anymore? Did I mention the word dead yet? As in that's what I'm gonna be if I try this without my _eyes_!" _This is very, very bad._

"Sugar, if you take that blindfold off, I'm never going to forgive you."

_Gee, there's some incentive._ "FINE! I didn't really need to see to do this anyway! What's a quart or two of blood, and an infection from rusty, and poorly cleaned knives anyways?" _Goodie, can't use any area effect techniques, since I can't see where anyone is. God dammit, this is gonna hurt, a lot._

(What's he saying?)

(I don't know, does it matter?)

(Who cares? Get him!)

"Yeah, great." The next three minutes of Mato's life would best be described as pain mixed with 'I hate my life so much'.

-

"Well, that was easy." Smirking, Ranma lugged their bags over his shoulder, not bothered by the ungainly weight in the slightest. It had only taken him about ten minutes to catch up to the bandits, beat the hell out of them, tie them up, get their stuff back, and make a triumphant return. "Hey everybody, I got our stuff ba-aaaa...."

"That you Saotome?"

"...Aaa... Ack." Ranma stared at the bloody mess. The sight of that much blood having come from one person was making his brain lock up something fierce.

"Seriously, you could have just said yes." Sighing, Mato resisted the urge to walk over there and slap Ranma a good one. "Look, could you hurry this up already? I'm running out of blood here." Pressing a palm over his left eye, he waved a hand in Ranma's general direction.

Nodding dumbly, Ranma carted the bags over to where the girls were huddled behind a rock. "Um, why're you two hiding back here?" It didn't make any sense, as Ukyo and Akane could've easily helped Mato wipe the floor with those bandits.

"Feminine modesty Ran-chan." Ukyo grabbed her bag and started pulling out clothes. "How's Mato doing?"

Ranma looked back and gagged a little. "You can't tell?"

"He told us not to look after he started screaming in Chinese." Akane huddled there numbly for a moment, dressed rapidly, and threw herself at Ranma.

"Gack!" Surprised by the sudden glomp, Ranma just stood there. Like an idiot.

_Idiot._ Sighing, Ukyo shook her head. For the moment, all her plans were on hold. _Stupid bandits. Oh all the times when that would have worked out in my favor, why did Mato and Akane have to be around?_ "Hey sugar, are you-" Stepping around to look at her personal Angel's face, Ukyo gagged.

"Dammit." Slapping his hand back over his eye socket, he shot Ukyo half a glare with his right eye. _Perfect timing, as usual. You just HAD to pick the moment I was checking to see if there was anything left of my eye, didn't you? _"You're not gonna throw up on me now, are you? Because that's about the only thing left that could possibly make this day any worse."

Ukyo's stomach churned wildly a few times, but she managed to hold down her lunch. Barely. Gagging a few times, all she could do was clamp a hand over her mouth, and point a finger at his face.

"Yes yes, I know. I'm missing an eye." Sighing, he didn't bother to mention all the other places he was missing flesh or blood. He didn't have all day to list them all. "Thank you for pointing out the obvious." _Great, just great. Knowing my luck, it won't be growing back either. Seemed like such a good idea at the time too. Take a hit, know where a bandit was, take him out. How the hell was I supposed to know the last guy would throw his damn knife and run like a sissy?_ "See, this is the exact thing I could have avoided had I been able to _see_ who I was fighting."

"Hurk... Glcchh..."

"And you threw up, great."

-

"Great Grandmother, is bandit leader calling. He say plan no work." Sighing, Shampoo looked around the little train station. It was one of the few methods of transportation along the way to the village that didn't involve walking.

"No surprise there child, but it was worth a try." Frowning, Cologne bowed her head in thought. _It was a simple matter to bribe those bandits, as it was an equally simple matter to get that conductor to make those four miss their train. I was hoping to not have to resort to using the Demon, but now it seems that it's my only option left, barring direct conflict._ Casting aside her doubts, Cologne hoped that the tribe had finished the preparations by now.

-

"Ok, who's hungry? I'm starving." Mato lugged Ukyo's bag over his shoulder as they walked. _Only about three miles more to that station over there. Hah! Who says you need depth perception? Sure, it cost me an eye to figure out how to compensate..._

"How can you be hungry at a time like this?" Ranma was carrying his bag, Akane's bag, and Akane herself. It was understandable that she'd gone a little weak in the knees, all things considered. Ranma himself felt a bit unsettled, but he felt that if Mato could take it in stride, he'd be damned if he didn't handle it fine too. The Saotome pride wasn't always a disadvantage it seemed.

"Saotome, I lost an eye, not my stomach. I'm hungry." _Plus, I burned a lot of energy to stave off infection, and heal all those cuts and slices._ Sighing, Mato trudged on, hooking his arm around Ukyo's waist once more. _Maybe if I'm lucky, I can heal it, but right now it's way outta this craptastic body's league._ Cranking his head way to the side to see with his good eye, he glanced at Ukyo. He'd been smart enough to pull down his bandanna to hide what was left of that eye, at least.

For her part, Ukyo just walked on in a daze. After throwing up, there had been some tears, and a little whimpering. Now she just moved automatically, not speaking or looking at anyone unless she had to.

_Great, shock. All that crap she went through was probably subconscious. Ah geez, am I gonna have to fix that too? It's just one damn thing after another these days._ "How's Akane doing?"

"... I'm ok." Akane peeked over Ranma's shoulder at Mato, wincing a little when she saw his face. "Are you-"

"Yes Akane. For the twenty-billionth time, I'm _fine._ Please stop asking me. It was my own damn fault. I could have easily kept my back to you both while I was fighting. My fault, my worry, ok?" He smiled a little, hoping she'd take the damn hint this time to let it go.

"I just-"

"Ok, seriously. Do I have to come over there? Because I will, if you keep asking me if I'm ok, or keep angsting over this like you were to blame at all. Trust me, if I thought you were to blame, I'd damn well be letting you know." _Now I know why chivalry is dead. Because nobody else heals quickly enough to survive a damn stupid move like that._ Sighing loudly, he quickened his pace a little. "I hope they've got ham. I've got a sudden craving for sliced ham right about now."

-

Meanwhile, back in Nerima.

"Oh, I hope they're all dong ok." Kasumi half-heartedly dusted, doing a better job than most people could while giving the task their full attention. If Kasumi Tendo ascended to the heavens, she'd be a shoe-in for patron saint of cleaning.

"I'm sure they're fine sis." Nabiki lounged infront of the TV, munching on rice crackers. "What's the worst that could happen?"

-

"Ow, ow, OW! I said 'dribble a little peroxide in', not 'DROWN MY GODDAMN EYE IN IT'!"

"I cant help it! The train's moving all over the place!"

"You suck at first aid Saotome. There, I said it."

"You want me to stop then?" It was nerve wracking enough to be performing first aid on a damaged eye, the train rattling down the tracks didn't help at all.

"What? No, don't be stupid, you're doing fine."

Sweatdrop. "... I don't get you at all."

"Good, that means that I'm staying true to character." Smirking, Mato wagged a finger at the plastic bottle. "Just dribble a little more in, _carefully_ this time." _Wonder how the girls are doing?_

At that very moment, the compartment door clattered open, distracting them both. "Eh?"

"Wh- oh God dammit OW!" Resisting the urge to flail his arms, he instead settled for using his bandanna to mop up the peroxide streaming down his face.

"Gh- I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I-"

"Relax, I'll live." Sighing, Mato squeezed out the dripping bandanna over a bucket. "So, how's Ukyo doing?"

Plopping onto the bed across from the two boys, Akane let out a heavy sigh and hung her head. "She still won't say anything."

_Great, catatonic at the second to worst time ever._

"I'll go tal- eh?" Blinking, Ranma looked down at the hand on his arm.

"Nah, I'll do it." Dropping the stained bandanna into the bucket, Mato stood up. "It's not like you could do much for her right now anyway." Tugging his bandanna down over his left eye, he turned to step out of the compartment.

"Wait, I need to know." Akane caught Mato's sleeve. "Where do all those bandannas keep coming from?"

"Ah heh." Shaking his head, Mato stepped outside, heading for Ukyo's compartment.

-

Hands held to her head, Ukyo screamed, feeling like her lungs would start bleeding at any moment. Her wordless cry of agony rang out across the space around her, going on, and on, and heard by nobody. There was not a living soul around her, not that anyone could understand what she was going through.

It was just her, and the endless darkness, and-

"Good God, are you ever a whiner."

Ukyo stopped, blinking. It only took her a moment to realize that she was well and truly going mad. There was nothing but herself there, and there was no way it was anything else but madness that had formed those words. Just another part of her guilt, slowly driving her ins-

"God dammit, am I chopped liver or something?" An irritated sigh. "Seriously, open your Goddamn eyes already."

Ukyo did so, seeing nothing but an endless void, and a faint hint of yellow.

"Yeash." It took a moment, but that blur of yellow shifted into a familiar form. Resting a fist on his hip, Mato Hibiki arched an eyebrow. "Think you could lift out of your self torment for a minute to say hello?"

"Sh-sugar?" Ukyo blinked, tears still trickling down her face. "You're not really here... Are you?"

"Well, no. Not so much as a simple projection into your mind. Let's face it Ukyo." He smirked. "You really couldn't fit all there is to being me in one person's head."

"So, I'm imagining you then?" A faint speck of hope dwindled away.

"Uh, what? I'm pretty sure any mental image of me you have would be fairly insulting." He frowned for a moment. "Wait, let's check." Turning his head, he glanced off to the side.

In the air, a faint fuzzy shape appeared, taking the form of Mato. Though this Mato wore long flowing yellow robes, and had a massive pair of bright white wings attached to his back.

"Oh, yeah... That's just insulting."

**I forgive you, be at ease child.**

"Oh sweet, merciful crap. Did you just make me do the whole Jesus thing? I do NOT sound like that. When the hell do I ever forgive myself anyway?" He waved an irritated hand at the apparition, making it vanish in a puff of yellow smoke. "Good God, what a horrible mental image of me you have."

"You'd prefer this then, jackass?"

Another fuzzy shape appeared in the void. This one was battered, bloody, and grinning like an idiot.

"Ok, that's closer. But you got my smile all wrong." Mato reached up and moved the lips on his doppelganger around. "It's not a 'hah, I can take another one of those, easy' kind of grin. It's a 'what? you think I even felt that?' kind of smirk."

Bright green eyes glittered, and the apparition flicked a smear of blood off his face with his thumb. **Bring it.**

"There, _that's_ more like me." Nodding, he stared for a moment, before waving it away. "Now th-"

**Aggghh! Chin wa sau du ling ma! My Goddamn e-**

Mato quickly waved away the third mental image of him. He didn't need to be reminded of _that_ particular moment. "Yeah, I could've lived without that one." Turning, he blinked at Ukyo.

She'd slumped down to her knees, tears streaming down her face as she stared at where the third image had formed. Her eyes stared vacantly as the image replayed over and over in her mind.

"Ch- dammit." Walking over, Mato threw his arms around Ukyo's shoulders, hauling the girl to her feet. "Hey. Hey! Look at me Ukyo. Look at me." Using his hand, he lifted her chin up until she was looking him in the eye.

A trembling hand touched his face, over the undamaged skin around his left eye. "It's... Fine?"

"Uh, duh? Do you really think my mental image of myself is all busted up? Seriously?" Snorting, he shook his head. "Gimmie a break, it was just a knife to the eye, I'll live."

Tears spilling from her eyes, Ukyo slumped to her knees again, burying her face in his stomach. "It's all my fault, it's all my fault, it'sallmyfaultit'sallmyfaultit'sall-"

Whack!

Flat on her back, Ukyo touched a hand to her face. "You... You hit me?" Blood wept out of her nose, trailing over her fingers as she struggled to comprehend. "But.. It's ok? I deserve it, right?"

Stomping over, Mato hauled Ukyo up by the front of her shirt, and hit her in the face again. _Hard._

Blood trickled from the corner of her mouth as Ukyo managed a shaky smile. "How many more before we're even? Ten? Fif-"

Hauling her up by the collar to his eyeline, Mato glared at her. His eyes shone with a menacing light. "If I hear you say it's your fault one more time, I'm gonna ram your damn spatula up your ass, got it?"

Ukyo's eyes widened in semi-shock. She babbled a little, before her words found their way to her mouth in a proper order. "Buh, but you don't blame me for what happened? It was my-"

"No, I don't. Shut up."

"But you lost your _eye!_"

"And if I thought it was your Goddamn fault, I'd tear yours out with my bare hands! GET OVER YOURSELF!" Growling, he jammed his face into hers, baring his fangs in a snarl. "The world doesn't revolve around you and your piddling little guilt trip."

"But your EYE!"

"I have two! It's not the end of the friggin' world."

"But it is the end of the world! I don't wanna be alone! I don't want to lose Ran-chan! He's all I have left!"

"I- uh? ...Oh." Finally, it seemed that Ukyo had slipped into the real reason for her condition. Apparently, she put being alone on the same level as being maimed. _Ok, a little creepy, and somewhat insulting. But since when has the human mind ever been rational?_ "Look, Ukyo. Give it up, you're never going to get this Ranma. He loves Akane, and they're pretty much ment for each other here."

"Th- this Ranma? How many more are there?"

_Dammit, she had to focus on that part, didn't she?_ "About as many as there are stars in the sky... Heh, probably more." That was very true.

"Do.. Do you think there's one out there for me?" A faint glimmer of hope brightened the darkness swimming around them.

"Possibly. Who knows what's really out there?"

"What about you? Is there anyone for you?"

"Me? Hah, not likely." Mato shook his head. "Anyway, that doesn't matter. Can we get out of your head now? It's a little too cramped in here for all of me to fit."

Ukyo glared at him. "Gee, thanks sugar. Way to complicate my trust issues with double-talk and insults."

"Oh good, I was wondering when your subconscious would come out to play." Smirking, he hugged Ukyo against his chest, looking around. "Wanna manifest already? I don't like talking via proxy."

A second Ukyo fizzled into existence slightly off to his side. The only difference between the two was that this Ukyo didn't... Actually _wear_ anything.

"Wow, I knew Ukyo was without modesty, but still. I didn't think it was a _literal_ thing."

Inner Ukyo, for that was what she was, the representation of Ukyo, without her doubts, her shame, and most importantly, without any need for restraint. Crossing her arms over her chest, she frowned at him. "You're intruding on my personal space."

"And you are entirely too young to be shaving down there. What of it?"

Inner Ukyo sighed. "And I thought I was without shame. Why are you picking around inside my home?"

"Home is where the heart is."

"I can gouge out your other eye."

"I can do the thing with the spatula."

"You're such a pain in the ass."

"Right back at you. Down to business. Why'd Ukyo break down?"

"Because her whole world revolves around Ranma. Seeing you lose your eye made her realize that she could actually lose him for good."

"Super. Why the insulting mental image of me?"

"Because that's the only way she can rationalize your presence."

"What, here? In her head ya mean?"

Inner Ukyo nodded. "Also, my breath was fine, jerk."

"I dun- oh.... Oh sweet, merciful, crap. That was YOU that kissed me?"

Inner Ukyo merely smirked. "I know we're never going to have Ranma, it's as plain as day to me. What disappointed me, is that you just sat there."

"Great, just great. Next you're gonna tell me that her subconscious desi- oh up yours."

"Well, you are the first person to actually like Ukyo for who she is, and not for free lunch."

"I am NOT hearing the rest of this. No way. Infact, I'm making doubly sure that you don't develop into a split personality. That's the last Goddamn thing I need is an Ukyo who _doesn't_ repress her inner desires."

Inner Ukyo drifted over, resting her hands on Mato's shoulders. "You're saying you wouldn't like to spend a little time getting to know how Ukyo _really feels _about you?"

"You're damn right. The last thing I need-"

"Oh shut up sugar." Yanking him close by the collar, the representation of Ukyo's repressed desires pressed her lips against his. Running her fingers through his hair, she pressed her body against his. "Tell me that you love me sugar."

For a moment, Mato felt torn between what he wanted to do, and what he should do. Want won out. Returning the kiss, he looped an arm around her waist, holding her close.

Then, the instant passed, and he pushed her away. "There, you got what you wanted. Now make Ukyo focus on something else already."

Looking a little hurt, Inner Ukyo drifted close again, stroking his cheek. "This is your only chance to win her over, you know."

"Yeah well, I've done stupid stuff before. This isn't the first time, and it sure as hell won't be the last, either." Shaking his head, he frowned. "Focus on being a great chef, or a better martial artist, or something. Relationships can wait awhile."

"Have it your way sugar. You don't know what you've given up." She slowly faded away, as did everything around them.

"...Oh, believe me... I'm very aware." He sighed, waiting for the real world to fade back in. "...Dammit."

-

Sniffling a little, Ukyo sat up, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand. _That was the saddest dream I've ever had. Wish I could remember who it was about... There was some guy, and he was giving up the girl of his dreams, for something. Something depressing._ "Darn."

"What?"

"Eep!" Jerking upright, Ukyo looked around. "It's only you sugar. You scared the heck out of me." Sighing, she shook her head, wiping away mostly-dried tears from her cheeks.

"Sleep well?"

"Um, sort of?" Sighing again, Ukyo looked down at her feet, wiggling her toes a little. "I don't know why, but I feel a little better for some re- oh!" She looked up. "Your eye!"

"Yeah yeah, I know, I was there."

"No, I mean... Is it going to be ok sugar?" She leaned a little closer, reaching out to touch his face, but hesitated, flinching back a bit.

"Probably not. Who can tell though?" Mato shrugged, not overly concerned. "It could heal up, or it could be a permanent injury. Who knows? It's not like I really care, this ain't my body."

"You keep saying that sugar, but what does it mean?" Ukyo had this nagging feeling that she was missing something important, like it was just on the edge of her awareness.

"It means-"

The door clattered open, and Ranma stuck his head in. "Hey! We're here!"

"... Great timing Saotome." Sighing, Mato stood up and grabbed Ukyo's bag.

"Wha'd I say?"

-

Chapter's done! I was planning at first to have a nice, light hearted chapter... But my hip was seriously messed up today, and I was in a lot of pain. And since I write how I FEEL, well, you can guess how that turned out.

Also, I think I took a little too much of a dose of painkillers for an empty stomach, so if you felt that the chapter got a little weird in there, that's why. I was a bit loopy back there. I think that's the last time Mato will be delving into Ukyo's mind. It gets way too trippy for my tastes.

Also, the whole squick thing with Ukyo being smacked around and bleeding? It's all in the head. She was having a bit of a martyr moment there, and just _thought_ that she should be bleeding. That's why there's no mention of blood after she semi-comes to her senses.

Anyway, yeah. I'm not exactly thrilled with how this chapter came out, but dammit, I'm gonna live with what I've written. Hopefully, I haven't driven any of you off with this one. But all things considered, the way the plot's been going, it'll probably get a bit worse before it gets better. I'll try and keep the squick out of the writing from now on, if I can.

Yeah, the chapter is a little late, so it's extra long. Actually, I didn't do that on purpose, I just kept writing until I hit what felt like the right place to stop. Go figure.

Review reply time!

My-name-is-foxglove- Yes, well. It isn't too often I delve into his angst-tastic background, thankfully. And YES, I am well aware that if Cologne isn't foiled, that my days are numbered, THANK YOU! (glare glare) Just kidding. No, no Kuno relation there, thank God. There's way too many Kunos at is. And lastly, thanks for the kind review, glad I'm doing a good job.

Six-string Samurai- Yay, go nap. Lazy.

The Azure Penguin- Hah. Good luck with the flow chart, even I don't have one of those. I guess it takes a mad mind to comprehend these things? MAD LIKE MEEEEEE! Kidding, kidding. Yes, another ruined sweet moment, and- what's this? Mato's an Anti Hero now? Huh.

I guess after the Shampoo situation, he could be considered an Anti Hero. Or just a jerk. Either's good. I think it's safe to say, Cologne will make a seriously stupid mistake when she sees that Mato's lost an eye to some lame bandits. Boy, will she be regretting that one.

So, that's it for this time. We'll see if anyone actually comes back to read the next one, I guess.

Until then.


	15. Chapter 15

"Hello little village in the middle of nowhere."

"Village no talk, stupid boy."

"You're one to talk, airhead."

"Shampoo head no made of air!"

"Yeah, because at least air has _substance_." Smirk.

"Can you two _please_ stop your bickering? Let an old woman think for a moment."

"Is sorry, Great Grandmother."

"Isn't sorry. You think I wanna give you another chance to come up with something?" Smirking, Mato planted a fist on his hip, tilting his head to the side. His bandanna was pulled down to cover his left eye, for obvious reasons.

_He's covering up that eye again. Last time he made it seem as if it was some sort of offensive technique._ Cologne frowned. _Is he going to be able to do whatever it was that he tried last time? I need to watch him carefully._ "Have a nice trip?"

"... Oh you old bitch." Mato suddenly was right in Cologne's face, baring his fangs in a snarl. "_You're_ the one who set that goon squad on us." There was no questions needing to be asked, that one simple question from her was all he needed to make everything fall into place.

_Drat, I knew I should've kept my mouth shut. This brat is canny. Very much unlike son-in-law, and everyone else back in Japan. A pity._ "Why, whatever do you mean boy?"

"Shove it." Mato straightened back up, clearly not amused. "Just show me where the Demon is already."

Cologne subtly waved to Shampoo behind her back. "But surely you want to wait for the others to finishing changing before you go and see-"

"No. I'm done screwing around here. This crap ends now." Stuffing his hands into his pockets, Mato glared at the tiny Amazon Elder with his good eye. "I'm gonna kill that Demon, expo- y'know what? Screw that too. I'll just kill the Demon, and leave. Simple as that."

"Oh? Just like that? As simple as that and then you run off to that girl's restaurant?" _I know all about that little arrangement, thanks to Mousse. That boy just can't learn when to keep his mouth shut, sadly for all involved._

"What? Screw that, I'm going _home_ as soon as I'm done here."

"Oh? Not keeping your promise to th-" Cologne's eyes widened even as Mato's single eye narrowed. _Oh drat, he is clever._

"Y'know, you just talk way too much. That's the price you pay for assuming that Saotome's the cleverest person you're gonna deal with."

"Well, that it's a good thing we're her, in _my_ village." Cologne hopped back a few feet. "Surrounded by loyal tribeswomen. Who don't like men too much, especially if they're arrogant men like you."

One of the many females that now surrounded the martial artist stepped forward, moving to grab him by the arm. Clearly, she was used to slightly less, shall we say_ horrifically strong, violent, and overall pissed off_ men?

"Yeah." Taking a half step back, Mato whipped his right arm around infront of his body, punching his fist over his left shoulder fast enough to take the girl sneaking up behind him completely by surprise. "Too bad Hairbrush is _terrible_ at sneaking up on people. And Zest?" Mato reversed his swing, whipping his arm back around to hit the girl sneaking up behind him on the other side. "She always does whatever Hairbrush is doing."

_Oh my, this could be bad._ "What are you going to do boy, take on the whole village?"

"That was the plan." Folding his right arm, Mato snapped it back in a blind elbow strike, catching a third girl that had been sneaking up on him, right on the chin. "And you, you use too much perfume."

"No, Perfume is over there."

"... I'm in the village of the running gag." He sighed, shaking out his right hand a little. "Super."

-

"Say, Akane?"

"Hmm?"

"How's this dress make my butt look?"

"Huh?" Akane turned around, away from the mirror she'd been examining herself in. "Oh, wow. You look way better than I do in these things."

Ukyo, for the life of her, couldn't explain why she'd decided to take up Cologne's offer for a change of clothes. Somehow, it felt like the right thing to do. Turning to examine her behind in the mirror, she admired the dress more than her backside. Short sleeved, stretching down to mid-calf, and with a slit nearly all the way up her thigh, the dress really did look stunning. White flowers on a blue background, quite similar to the shades she usually wore, it did look good on her. _Not bad, if I do say so myself._ "Yours looks nice too."

"You think so?" Akane went back to admiring the red dress. Unlike Ukyo, she'd opted for one that was a single shade, with no patterns. She couldn't really decide on which pattern she'd liked out of all the choices, so this made the most sense. She felt a little self-conscious, patting the dress down around her behind. It felt like the long slit made the dress flare out a bit too much for her tastes. "Think Ranma will like it?"

"Um?"

"I said, think Ranma will like it?"

"I suppose so. Not that Ran-chan ever notices these things." Ukyo frowned at her reflection. "... I'll bet Mato makes a bigger deal out of it in the end."

"Hehehe, got a crush on him?" Akane resisted the urge to giggle. It was time to have a little fun messing with Ukyo's head.

"What? No! On that jackass? Never! Not on your life!" Ukyo couldn't take her eyes off of the mirror. _Oh, you know he'd like it._

"Ok ok, sorry. Didn't think it was so big a deal." Feeling a little guilty now, Akane fussed with the shoulders of her dress. _Better not tease her about that again. I wonder if Ranma really won't notice this at all?_

_I wonder what he's doing right now?_ Ukyo stared into the mirror, feeling for a moment like she was looking at a stranger.

-

"Y'know, I'm amazed at how quiet you can keep all of this." Spinning around, Mato caught an Amazon by the ankle, snatching the poor girl out of a flying kick, and whipped her around to bludgeon another Amazon aside like a toy. "Really, it's impressive. Usually when I'm beating the crap outta people, they make a lot more noise. Of course-" Ducking suddenly, he ignored the chain that had flashed in out of nowhere as it hissed over his head. "They usually know when they're totally outmatched."

"And what makes you think we're outmatched, boy?"Cologne frowned. She was wisely staying outside of the melee for the moment, content to watch the tribe wear the brat down over time.

"Because I haven't had to even bother taking my left hand outta my pocket yet."

_Brat._ "That may be so, but what if I were to tell you that one of our better fighters was sneaking up on you?" Scooping up a discarded mace, Cologne flung the weapon at the right side of Mato's face. She was very obviously aiming for his good eye. _That should make him flinch._

Snatching the mace out of the air by the handle, Mato smirked. "Seriously, if you think I'm gonna fall for _that trick_-"

The pink haired girl that had spent the last three minutes silently creeping up on Mato suddenly flung her arms around his shoulders. "GHHFF!" And went down, clutching at her chest. Being hit in the solar plexus hurt something fierce.

"... Then you really should know." Smirking, Mato tilted his head to the side. "I can use my left elbow _without_ taking my hand outta my pocket." He paused for a moment, to let that sink in. "... Hah!" _I am such an asshole. It's just awesome being me._

"... I see." _I really do hate that boy._

-

"-And here, of course, is the rock where the Demon is being held."

"...It's, very... Nice?" Ukyo tried to force a smile, but it just wasn't coming out. "For a rock?"

Ranma yawned. He'd seen rocks before, plenty of rocks. He wasn't interested.

Akane tried to feign interest, but felt about as motivated as Ranma looked. There was just something about tours that made them, utterly, depressingly, boring.

The wizened old Elder that was leading them about sighed. _I'm too old for this sh- oh, there's the signal._ A little tiny sparkle of light flew into the air, halfway across the village. _Finally. Time to channel the Demon into this girl, and free our village. I just hope Chung was right. Using the Demon to kill those pesky, irritating do-nothings on the council could be risky. Oh well, we'll let THEM try to stop the Demon first. No sense risking my neck for nothing._ "So, young lady with the short hair, you are the chosen one, yes? How'd you like to feel what it's like to touch a sleeping Demon?"

"Oh, um, sure?"

"Oh, very brave of you. Just come over here, and put your hands on these two carvings..."

-

"Getting tired yet boy?"

"What, just because you're getting your hands a little dirty, means I should be impressed or something?"

"Well, why don't we see how good that left hand of yours really is?"

"Mmmm, naaaah. Not in the mood to in- HEY! You lay your ass back down on the ground! Yeah you, the one with the pink hair! Don't make me come over there!" Grumbling, Mato turned his attention back to Cologne. "Not in the mood to humor you, sorry."

"Well, we'll see what kind of mood you're in when I- eh?"

A sudden displacement of air knocked most of the combatants over, sending those that were just getting up sprawling. All save Cologne and Mato. For them, it was a matter of ruffled clothes, and a slightly shifted posture.

"Tch, shockwave. Somebody let something loose."

"I don't feel any chi buildup. What could it be?"

"Ah hell, that's a Demon."

"How can you tell?"

"I can feel it's yoki from here."

Cologne winced, feeling a sudden twisting sensation in her middle. "You can sense Demonic energy at this distance?" _I think I may have made a great mistake when I measured this boy._

"Oh yeah... It's an Oni, bleah." Making a face, Mato glanced back over his shoulder. "My nose isn't what it usually is, but I'll bet that's what stinks if the wind is carrying the right scent."

_It's still too early to be releasing the Demon. Do I assume that the plan is going accordingly, and continue to fight the boy, or do I assume something has gone wrong, and postpone the battle?_

"... You're too quiet. How much of this was your doing?"

Cologne _almost_ flinched. "Why do you assume that I am involved?"

"Oh, _aside_ from the one on many fight out here on the other end of the village. Aside from the BS story about Akane of all people being a chosen one? _ASIDE_ from the Goddamn fact that you just _couldn't_ _resist_ screwing around royally with everything, just to get your own Goddamn way?"

Cologne stared silently at him for a moment. "...Yes."

"Because you didn't immediately say that it was a bad thing when I said it was a Demon."

Cologne winced at that one.

"Hah. And if I didn't know before, _which I did_, that one just gave it all away."

"I hate you so much."

"And with good cause." Smirk.

-

Staring at her hands, Akane stood stock still. Around her, the ground had been neatly blasted away, leaving the footing about a foot lower for nearly ten yards all around. Her dress fluttered a little in a wind that touched nothing else around, as if it radiated from within her, rather than without. _Fingers. Such dainty little things too. For how strong I am, I've always wondered why I have such small hands._

"Oh man, that blast sure was somethin' wasn't it?" Ranma climbed to his feet at the edge of the depression. "Geez Akane, didn't think you actually could pull that whole chosen thing off." Brushing off this clothes, Ranma looked around. "Hey, Ukyo!"

Across the depression, Ukyo was climbing to her feet as well, covered in dust and debris. _Aw, I didn't even get to show this thing off yet! Why does this always happen to me?_ "Yeah, I'm ok Ran-chan!"

"No, I mean, did you see the _size_ of that blast? It was huge!"

Sweatdrop. "Yeah..." _Typical Ran-chan. Remind me why I like him again?_ The funny thing about asking yourself questions, you usually didn't get an answer.

And if you _did_, there was something seriously wrong with you. Usually.

The wizened old Elder that had been with them, let's call her, Bob, I suppose. Bob climbed to her feet, taking stock of the situation for a moment. _My my, that was even better than I expected. Now, to offer the Demon a little snack to perk it up, and do myself a favor. I've always hated that little runt Shampoo._ Hopping over to Akane's side in a few short bounds, Bob bowed low, a sly smile on her face as she began talking in a low voice. "Lan Se Feng Bao Nei Xin, I presume?" A hint of malice crept into Bob's smile. (I humbly offer you a boon, an offering of a female, so that you may devour it, and regain some of your lost strength. In return for this boon, I merely request to be your loyal servant.) Bob bowed again. _Your servant, that is, until I can figure out a way to take your power for my own. I've been pushed to the sidelines of the council too much as of late. But soon, very, very soon, I'll get everything I deserve._

(I accept your service.)

(Good, good. I- eh?)

Grabbing Bob by the throat, Akane lowered her mouth to the Elder's. (Serve me as an appetizer, for the greater meal to come.) Pressing her mouth to Bob's withered lips, Akane drank in her essence, reducing the Elder's body to an even _more withered husk_. Letting the corpse drop, she dragged her bare forearm over her mouth. There was a hungry look in her sparkling, red eyes. (I still hunger, but not for much longer.)

And now you know why she was called Bob.

Bobs only last one chapter.

-

And that's the end of that chapter. It's a bit shorter than usual, but y'know, that's where it felt right to stop. I don't really do cliffhangers because I like to make people wait, I do them because dammit, that's where it feels right to stop!

Review reply time!

My-name-is-foxglove- Well, what can I say? Mato makes a great target for painful drama. He's a big boy, he can take it. Uhhh, sorry that I wrote my description too well? Heh. What can I say? If I wrote it badly, you'd _really_ have a reason to complain, right? Ah well, seems like all the good stuff always gets interrupted. And thanks for the concern, my hip is feeling much better now. Yays.

Jusenkyo- Uh oh! Someone said romance! Time for me to go off on another one of my rants! Nah, just kidding. Yeah, that seems to be my ideal mix; bittersweet romance, and then some blood and a little maiming. Oh wow, a fan of an OC/CC? Eeep! You can't be a fan of an original character slash cannon character pairing! It's like, against the rules or something! Run, run! Before the Ukyo/Ryoga fangirls hear about this! Kidding, just kidding. Glad you're enjoying the fic. Also, Cologne, and plans. You just saw how well those mix.

SithKnight-Galen- Well, I'm pretty sure that I won't be revealing where they body came from until the very end, but I know I've left a few clues in there so that a conclusion could be drawn. It'll be interesting to see what the clever fans come up with, I can't wait to see the wild guessing. Score. Inner Ukyo kicks ass, but she's not likely to blatantly pop up again in the story. I will be making some hints as to her influence though. I wonder if anyone caught the two I popped in this chapter? Also, temptation. DUN DUN DUNNNN.

James Birdsong- Thanks again. Glad you're enjoying it.

The Azure Penguin- Dedicated fangirl, sweet. Inner Ukyo stands for 'oh, I really like that guy' when regular Ukyo is downright obsessed with Ranma, and refuses to focus on anything else. It was also, in part, to redeem Ukyo's character a bit. I felt she'd just shrugged off too much stuff, without saying much about it, like she usually would. As for Inner Ukyo's awareness, it's the third one. The paying attention part.

As for Mato being a justified jerk, an anti hero, or whatever, well... You can see his own opinion of himself in his own words this chapter. Without a lock on his personality anymore, you can see just how much he clearly revels in being himself.

And lastly, it seems that a lot of people want to know just HOW BADLY Cologne's plan is gonna mess up. Well, since this is post script, you already know the answer by now. On the off chance that you skipped all the way to the bottom first, or just want me to clarify it for once and all...

VERY BADLY!

Hah!


	16. Chapter 16

"So, you're not gonna call these girls off?" Spinning around, Mato caught a teal haired Amazon in the face with the instep of his foot, continued his rotation, and resumed running. He'd barely broken his stride, his focus more on tracking down that Demon.

"Not until you tell me how you managed to avoid being killed by them back there." Cologne bounded along beside the one-eyed boy, in just a much of a hurry to get there as he was. It was an odd sort of unspoken truce they had; Neither one bothered to attack each other, they even managed to carry on somewhat civil conversation.

It seemed they were both pragmatics at heart.

"Easy enough. I know every single move to the Amazon martial arts style, and all the counters and lead ups too." Folding his legs, he crouched low enough for his tailbone to touch the ground. An Amazon sailed over his head. "I only needed one hand, because I hold all the cards, y'know?" Standing up and launching into a face height kick, he booted the Amazon over as she tumbled to her feet.

"Impossible." Cologne continued to keep pace with the boy, trying to find a flaw, or some sort of weakness to his style. _This is disturbing... I can see some elements of Amazon style, as well as northern style Chaquan kung fu._ "Where did you learn our style boy?"

Smirking, Mato spun around and lept backwards, shoving down a punch before it could strike him in the face. "Same place I learned how to beat up the tribe without taking a scratch." Ducking down, Mato let the girl's torso slump across his back, suddenly straightening up to send her tumbling over behind him. _The old Hockey flip, hah. Nobody ever sees that one coming._ "Same place I learned how to think five steps ahead of everyone else, and be a total dick about it."

"And that would be?"

Spinning around, Mato tucked his legs, bunching his muscles. "... From you, naturally." Uncoiling his long legs, he took off like a shot, sailing through the air. _Ok, just gotta get there, kill the Demon without hurting Akane... Aaaannnd... Protect everyone there, keep Saotome from doing anything stupid, and... Sigh. God, I sure have a lot to do today. Ah well, it's not like anything else could go wrong, right?_

-

A tenth of the way around the world, the Shinto shrine in the Tokyo Tower was finally finished being repaired. Smiling, one of the shrine maidens set down a little prayer bell, giving it a light tap to make it ring.

The bell tinkled once, then fell free of the stand. Clattering across the floor, it rolled towards the doorway, stopping as it struck the foot of a Priest. Looking down at the bell for a moment, he turned his gaze to the shrine maiden. "A bad omen..."

-

Humming a little to herself, Akane held the dress up to her chest, examining herself in the mirror. Stark white with several slashes of blue made her skin seem a little darker than it usually did. She didn't mind.

"Um, Akane?"

_No plain blue dresses, oh well. It's been such a long time since I've had a chance to treat myself._

"I'm telling you Ran-chan, this isn't a good idea."

_This body isn't too bad. Powerful, small, the perfect package for when I recover my full power. Stupid people always think that size matters. Hmph, why do humans insist on wearing these constrictive things?_ Pulling up the hem of her slightly tattered dress, she frowned at what she saw. _Undergarments. Quaint._

"Gaaah..."

"Oh for- Ran-chan. You've seen worse."

_They do jabber on._ Picking up another dress, this one a bright pink, Akane held it against herself. _No. Pink is definitely not my shade. I should really think about finding a better pair of retainers._ She glanced at the mirror, watching Ukyo and Ranma bumble about behind her. _Then again, they do look so..._ She sighed a little, staring at the pair.

Ukyo, one arm around Ranma's neck, blinked. "Something wrong Akane?" Her other hand was curled into a fist, vigorously rubbing her knuckles against the top of Ranma's head.

Ranma, for his part, was half-heartedly trying to pull himself free. "Eh?"

"Not you Ran-chan."

"Oh."

Noogie.

"Ow!"

"Shaddap."

Sighing, Akane shook her head. _So charmingly simple. I can't wait any longer, I must have them now._ A hungry look in her eyes, she turned to face the pair. "Tell me, where is the nearest bed?"

"...Uh..."

"...What?"

"I'll worry about clothing later. Find us a bed, I have needs that must be attended."

"...Oh..." _Oh, my, God._ Ukyo's eyes got _really_ wide as realization sunk in. _Wh- she wants to- we ca- aaaahhh... _Pink crept into her cheeks as a series of horrific images popped into her head. _Somebody, anybody, save me from this. I'll do anything!_

"Duck!"

_I could do that._

"DUCK!" Ranma grabbed Ukyo around the waist, hauling her to the ground as a log sailed through the air where their heads had been moments ago.

"Gff!" Struck in the chest, Akane was launched backwards through the mirror, and the wall it had hung on.

"Ha! You is no match for Shampoo." Smiling, Shampoo skipped over, stopping next to Ranma and Ukyo. "Airen, Shampoo come save now. Kill pervert gi- er, Demon. Kill Demon and save day, yes?"

_Saved by Shampoo... Maybe we were better off with th- oh God no. No no no no no. I'd take Shampoo being the hero any day of the week over... Over... That._

"...Pest." Stepping back through the hole in the wall, Akane carried the log she'd been flattened with. "You broke the mirror."

"Is seven year bad luck for you."

"...Why would it be bad luck?"

"... Is superstition, stupid Demon girl."

"How quaint." Whipping the log around, Akane slammed it down over Shampoo's head, driving the Amazon to the ground under the force of the blow. "I'll have to remember that one."

"Ow... Shampoo kill when get up."

"Perhaps later." Smirking, Akane snatched an Amazon out of the air as she dove fist-first at her. "Right now..." Squeezing the girl's throat, Akane brought her struggling body closer. (I feel the urge for a snack.) Pressing her lips to the gagging Amazon's mouth, she sucked the life right out of her. (Mmm, do all the girls here taste so sweet?) Dropping the limp, withered corpse, Akane dragged the back of her hand over her mouth.

"Th- that's..." Swallowing, Ukyo went very pale. Usually, the event of being pressed up close to Ranma was the chance to cop a quick feel and go 'oops'. This time, the thought couldn't be further from her mind. _Oh, we're all gonna die now, aren't we? Where's the hero when you need them?_

"Not good." Ranma felt his body tremble a little. He knew it probably wasn't a good thing, whatever had happened to Akane a little while ago, but now... Now he wasn't sure if anybody would be getting out of the village alive.

(Oh, there are more of you?) Smiling sweetly, Akane looked around at the Amazons that surrounded her. (Should I now take a moment to invite you all to a meal?)

(I'll kill you for this bitch.) Shampoo climbed to her feet, helped by another Amazon. Her arm and shoulder ached from the force of the blow she'd been struck with. It was a grim thought of how bad it could have been, had she not moved her head, and got an arm up in time to take the worst of it.

(No, you'll _try_. Though, I do look forward to seeing you all sweaty and breathless.) Giggling a little, Akane sauntered forwards, eyeing the girls that surrounded her. (You all look so tasty, who do I begin with?) One girl caught her eye. (Ah, you. The one with the pink hair.) Making a beckoning gesture with one finger, she smiled slyly. (Come and kiss me.)

Letting out a growl, the girl darted forward. She was an Amazon. She had her pride. She was strong. She was fast.

A set of slender fingers closed around her throat.

Sadly, it seemed that strength and speed weren't nearly enough.

(It helps to be smarter than the person you're trying to kill, little one.) Grinning wickedly, she hauled the girl close and roughly kissed her. It only took a moment for Akane to suck the life from the girl's fragile, mortal shell. (Mmm, delicious.) Finished, she tossed the withered body aside. Licking her fingers, one by one, she looked around at the circle of Amazons. (Next?)

A pair of feet slammed into Akane's chest, bowling her heels over head. "Incoming."

The little circle of Amazons looked at each other, then the body of the Demon, who'd landed in an ungainly heap. They looked at one another again, blinking in disbelief. Finally, they looked at the person who'd made such a dynamic entry.

"... Whoops. Was I supposed to say it _first_, and _then_ kick ass second?" Smirking, Mato brushed his tunic off. "I always seem to forget to do things in the proper order." _Badass, then cocky. Saves me the trouble of getting punched in the mouth that way._

"Boy, you are entirely too cocky." Cologne landed at Shampoo's side, keeping her eyes fixed on the Demon as she flailed about for a moment, before climbing to her feet. _Well, that didn't take her long to recover at all. From the amount of bodys laying around, she should be thi- Oh._ Sighing, Cologne noticed the tiny, extra-shriveled body of Bob laying some distance away. _No wonder she's so strong. And now I know why everything is going wrong. It seems as if someone is staging a coup in the village. As if I didn't have enough to worry about._

"What? Come on. I dare you to tell me I don't look awesome."

"You-"

"Don't. I know, I know." Sighing, Mato shook his head. "You just... You suck the wind right outta my sails lady."

(You bastard, that hurt.) Climbing to her feet, Akane brushed herself off. (At least this stupid undergarment is torn now.) Pulling off the ripped bra, Akane tossed it aside.

Frowning, Cologne took advantage of the distraction to hop away. _I need to find out who was pulling the strings behind this whole affair. There is now way that one Elder would make such a move on her own._ Sighing, Cologne headed for the village center. _I just hope that boy is actually as good as he claims. I shudder to think how bad this could get if that Demon grows any stronger._

"...Uh..." Sweatdropping, Mato stared for a moment. (Y'mean you didn't know how to take it off?)

(...No...)

Snickering, Mato shook his head, looking away. (Oh man, I can't even take you seri-)

Scooping up the log she'd used a few minutes ago, Akane brought it down on Mato's head in a brutal arc. (Die!)

"Bakusai Tenketsu revised; Earthen Barrier!" A concave slab of stone burst out of the ground, just in time to stop the log from connecting with Mato's skull by a bare inch. "Phew, good thing I've gotta duck down to do that move." Crouched down, he grinned sheepishly at the log that would've brained him had he not lowered himself.

(Lucky pest. I won't miss a second time.) Hefting the log, Akane brought it down again, shattering the small stone wall with her second blow.

Rolling out of the way, Mato slapped a hand onto the log. (Y'know what?) Flipping sideways onto the log, he darted along it's length and kicked his feet out. (You're such a pain in the ass.) The dropkick caught Akane by surprise. Both heels dug in for a moment, before her body was flung backwards. Rolling off of the log as it thudded on the ground, Mato crossed his arms over his chest as he stood up straight. (Face it, the only way a guy like me can lose-) Swaying backwards a bit, he frowned as a fist narrowly missed striking him in the side of the head. "Is if Ranma decides to be a moron."

Growling, Ranma cocked his arm back for a second swing. "You-" Only to be stopped as someone grabbed his arm. "Lemmie go!"

"Ran-chan, what the hell are you doing?"

"He hit Akane!"

"Ch- of for cryin' out loud. Do we _really_ have to go through this whole song and dance?"

Dusting herself off, Akane stood up and looked around. _Unbelievable, they actually forgot about me._ Shaking her head, Akane slunk forward and grabbed one of the Amazons by the throat. _Might as well take advantage of the situa- ooooh. I like this dress._

"He hit Akane!" Ranma's heart wasn't really into flinging Ukyo off of him. After all, he didn't want to hurt his best friend.

"Jackass, that's not Akane! Tha-"

"Actually, it _is_ Akane." Frowning, Mato made a point of not looking at the pair. "It's a Demon possessing her body. After all..." He pointed behind them. "Would Akane molest and kill a girl?"

"Eh?"

"What?"

The Neriman pair turned around to look at Akane.

(What?) In the middle of stripping the dress off of the very dead Amazon, Akane blinked at the pair. (Why are you staring at me like that?)

(It's probably because they're not very used to seeing dead people. Or murderers.) Mato scratched his cheek with a finger, not sounding too distressed.

(And you are?) Akane tilted her head a little, slipping the dress off of the dead body, finally.

(What can I say?) Shrugging, Mato recrossed his arms over his chest, thinking for a moment. (There's a saying; One who hunts monsters should take care, lest he become a monster himself.)

(And that pretty little saying means what?) It took her a few moments to pull on the dress. Other than a few smudges of dirt along one side, it was a very pretty aqua blue dress with a slit up one side. Amazons did tend to favor that style of dress it seemed.

(It means that I didn't take care.)

(Ah, so then you are a monster that hunts his own kind... A pity.) Smiling, Akane brushed the dress down a few times, then straightened the shoulders.

(Yup. Ready to die now?)

(No, are you?)

(Of course I am. I didn't plan on living longer than lunch y'know.) Flicking a thumb over his nose, Mato suddenly lashed out with a fist, catching Ranma just behind the ear. Stunned for the moment by the surprise attack, he slumped against Ukyo.

"Oooff. Gee, thanks sugar." Grunting a little with the effort, Ukyo hauled one of Ranma's arms over her shoulder. "Now what?"

"Now you drag his ass off, and wallop him in the head if he looks like he's gonna wake up. The last thing I need is one of you getting in my way, got it?" He shot Ukyo a glare with his good eye. "No getting in my way, got it? No matter how bad it _seems_ to be getting, you stay out of my way."

"Uh, r-right sugar."

"Good." Taking a deep breath, Mato let it out in a sigh, and began walking forward. Towards the Demon. The Amazons in his way quickly scuttled backward, they wanted no part of what was about to happen. (You ready to dance?)

(My my, so cordial. I am ready, if you are.) Akane gave him a mocking little bow, a smirk on her lips.

(Lady, you have no idea how easy it is to die.) Shaking out his hands, he bounced on the balls of his feet. (C'mere, lemmie show you just how easy it is.)

-

Well, that's another chapter done. A bit of action, a bit of yapping, and a whole lot of FILLER! Just kidding.

Yeash, looks like I'm dropping more and more hints into these things.

Review replies!

My-name-is-foxglove- Hah! First time I've made a reader faint from plot happenings. Sweet, this one's going on the WALL.

Ari-AdiAx- Thanks. As you can see, Bob got another mention. Post humorously, of course.

Jusenkyo- Shame for breaking the code. Shaaaammmeeee. Kidding. Yeah, it seems that Mato knows a lot of what happens when Cologne gets involved in things, doesn't it? And, Evil Akane... I tried to go for creepy/disarmingly normal plus creepy. Did it work?

SithKnight-Galen- Yup. Dead on with the inner Ukyo tags there man. Good eye. Seriously though, why does Ukyo like Ranma anyway? Really, anyone know why? As for Mato and Cologne, it all goes back to the old 'I know, that you know, that I know' joke. Sadly, Cologne _doesn't_ know, that Mato knows, what she knows. It's hard to be crafty, when the other guy knows just what cards you're going to play, no?

Baitdcat- What can I say? Yes, my hips are better now, thank you for the kind words. I might try to squeeze in a little more sweetness before everything ends horribly... ER, I mean... Uh, yeah. Bob got another mention. Seems that Bob was a damn popular character, for only being in there for, what? Two, three paragraphs?

Anyway, that's it for this chapter. Feel free to guess how you think it's all going to end. I can promise right now, I'm betting that less than two percent of you will be able to predict it.

Mwahaha, I'm such a jerk.


	17. Chapter 17

(I think I'll play with you for a little while, before I suck you dry.)

(Kinky, but really, we don't know each other that well. Also; Akane's body? Gross.)

(A pity, I'll just kill you then.)

(Now that's even less likely than the first thing.)

(No, it's equally likely. Prepare to face a foe that utterly out matches you on every front.)

(... Ever been to Daer Niktu?)

(No, where is that?)

Smirk. (Not important. What is important is that you are so totally screwed, it's not even funny.)

Frowning, Akane cocked an arm back and rushed in, lashing out with her fingers. (Laugh then.) She raked down his chest, a sadistically gleeful look on her face. (Laugh while I cut you to rib- eh?)

(Ok, maybe it's a little funny.) Still smirking, Mato reached out and pointed a finger at Akane's face. (Human body, remember? No claws. Also?) He jabbed his finger into one of her eyes. (Poke!)

(Agh! You-)

Ukyo stared, the unconscious body of Ranma slung over her shoulder like a slab of meat. "I'm no expert on Chinese, but even I think that was uncalled for." The torrent of incomprehensible words streaming out of Akane's mouth brought a flush to Ukyo's cheeks. _That sounds really bad, whatever it is._

(Ha, this could be fun.)

Akane cocked back a fist and slammed it into Mato's chest, sending him flying backwards into one of the small huts that were scattered around the larger ones in the village. A shower of debris flew into the air as it crashed down in on itself. After a moment or two, a hand poked out of the rubble, flailed around for a moment, then pushed aside some detritus. (Ok...) Lifting his head free of what was left of the hut, Mato shook dust out of his hair. (I may have spoken a little too soon... This could really really suck.)

(You're going to pay for that. I want this body undamaged.) Holding a hand over her eye, Akane shot him a glare. Other than a throbbing ache, there didn't seem to be any serious damage. She was still good and mad though.

(Yeah yeah, blah blah.) Crawling out of what the remains of the hut, Mato pulled himself to his feet, brushing himself off. _Ok, I'm fairly sure that Akane's body shouldn't be that strong._ Darting in, he rained a few blows into Akane's chest, twisting aside as the Demon threw a counter-punch. _Something's seriously wrong._ Another pair of punches sailed his way, and he spread his arms, batting them outwards. _Too strong, and too fast. For Akane, at least._

Growling, Akane resorted to a useless move, simply on instinct; she brought both arms back in, trying to rake Mato across the chest with one arm, and stomach with the other, utilizing her non-existent talons.

Sadly, she moved a little too slowly to stop Mato, who'd seen the telegraphed blows coming a mile away. After all, he'd set her up to try that very method of attack in the first place.

Flexing his shoulders back, he arched his back a little. There was a reason that Cologne had trouble identifying exactly what his style was; Unlike most of the Neriman martial artists, who all tended to rely on hard forms of combat, Mato mixed in a fair amount of soft as well. Swaying forward on one leg, he stomped down as he leaned in hard. Bringing his shoulders in close together, he used his entire upper body and his momentum to add to the force of his attack. _Gotta do as much damage as possible, while keeping it from being anything permanent. Great._ Both palms caught Akane in the hollows of her shoulders, lifting her feet from the ground and sending her flying back, skipping across the ground like a rock across a pond.

Sighing, Mato bent over and pressed his hands over his knees. _The problem is, how do I do enough damage to wear her down, without actually doing anything permanent? Demons practically regenerate, but I need to rip the damn thing outta her. That's the rub, I suppose. Enough damage, but not quite enough. Stupid quandary._ Glancing up, he noticed that Akane was heading back his way, looking good and pissed off.

Mato was right, as when someone came at you with a fairly large chunk of house, they tended to have a certain sort of look about them. The sort of look that said 'I'm gonna kill you'. It also helped that Akane was screaming something to that effect at the top of her lungs. Apparently, she'd torn up her dress pretty badly, and that was something of a hot button for her.

"Great." Sighing, Mato bounded backwards, absently noticing that the Amazons who'd gathered at a safe distance to watch, were now scattering. _Oh, THAT just fills me with confidence._ Cupping his hands before himself as he landed, he pulled forth a bit of his inner strength. _I didn't want to have to resort to tapping into this stuff just yet, but a building to the head kinda hurts._ "Shi Shi Hoku Dan!" A brilliant yellow burst of energy shot from his hands, blowing the chunk of building Akane was holding into bits.

Sadly, Akane didn't seem to be slowing down in the slightest. Slamming into Mato at full speed, the pair bounced once, then rolled across the ground, locked together. (I've changed my mind. I'm just going to kill you now and get it over with!) She cocked back an arm, and Mato reached up and slapped her fist a little to the side. The next time they turned over, her arm hooked a chunk of debris, and wrenched out at a painful angle.

Planting both feet on Akane's chest, Mato shoved her into the air, holding her at the full extension of his legs. They rolled over again, and for a moment he was standing on her shoulders, pinning her down with his weight. He cocked an arm back, straightening up so he'd have more space to wind up and put more force into his punch.

Akane snapped her legs up, catching him just above the backs of his knees. Caught off balance, Mato flailed his arms for a moment, making it easy enough for Akane to throw in a second pair of kicks, forcing him to tumble off of her. Rolling to her feet, Akane spun around and threw herself at him.

Catching her by the wrists, Mato rolled onto his back, planting both feet into her stomach. Releasing her hands as they both inverted, he tucked his arms under him and fully extended his body, flinging Akane away. Completing his roll, he didn't bother to waste time turning around. _This is turning out to be a cleaner fight than I thought it'd be._ Flipping backwards, Mato twisted around in mid-air, and suddenly tucked his arms and legs up, covering his face and chest.

He'd noticed at the last moment that Akane had recovered a little faster than he had. He'd also noticed the wall of the hut Akane had ripped free and used to bat him out of the air like an errant fly.

Crashing to the ground some distance away, Mato rolled with the impact, and suddenly uncoiled his body. Flinging himself into the air, he twisted out of the way of the remains of the wall Akane threw at him. Landing on one foot, he flung himself backwards again, as a second wall slammed into the ground where he'd been a moment ago. _Great. It's just like back at Tokyo Tower. That's a comforting memory._ A third wall came sailing at him, and he lashed out with a fist, snapping it in two. Both halves split as he twisted his fist, passing him by on either side. That was the trick to splitting objects in half and _not_ getting hit by both of them; A little twist to spread them apart.

That's when he noticed the fourth wall coming right at him. _Wait, I didn't break the fourth wall? I'm feeling a little conflicted about that._

Smirking, Akane scooped up the roof of the hut she'd dismantled piece by piece. It didn't matter if the boy managed to avoid the wall or not, she'd still throw the roof at him. Hefting the heavy blunt object over her head, she goggled as Mato rolled _under_ the wall, and tackled her right out from under the roof. They rolled over once, then kicked each other away and scrambled to their respective feet. (You're getting a little slow.) She flashed a nasty smile at him.

(Funny, it seems to me that you've gone and speeded up a bit.) Smirking back, he dusted his hands off, and blanched. _Ah hell, did I just say that and NOT realize just what that means exactly? Crap._ Letting his arms dangle at his sides, he hunched over a little, watching her._ That means she's resorted to starting to tap into all the energy she's stolen. This sucks._ He frowned, reflecting for a moment. _An Elder, and what? A half dozen teenagers close to their prime? Yeah, that's a bit too much energy to make this a fair fight with this craptastic body. Time to fight clever. Simple enough._

(Oh my, have you realized now just how badly outmatched you are?) Holding up her hands, Akane blew over them. A puff of dense vapor streamed from her lips, washing over her fingers, leaving them each tipped with a sharp claw tinted a deep blue. (Ah, I missed having my nails long.) With that, she darted in, claws poised to rip Mato to pieces.

The foot that she slammed into caught her by surprise. As did the fact that Mato used that foothold to lift his body into the air. Arching his back, he started to move up and backwards, his body beginning to rotate away from her. The Demon didn't even see the second foot until _after_ it slammed into her chin, and knocked her sprawling.

Completing his backflip, Mato landed in a semi-crouch, hands pressed flat against the ground. (And I missed kicking people in the face with style.) Smirking, he eyed the ground around her for a moment. "Bakusai Tenketsu revised; Briar Patch Gripper!" There was a faint rumble, before dozens of slender stone rods lanced out of the ground, popping out from every angle around Akane's body.

Frowning, the Demon glanced around. The stone shafts hadn't actually touched her, but they did seem to be arrayed in such a way as to prevent her from doing any more than just standing up, and even then, it wasn't fully upright. (If you think that this is going to hold me for very long-)

(Nah, I just needed a quick second to set up something else.) Straightening up, Mato slapped his hand down on the ground again. "Bakusai Tenketsu revised; Propane Pocket Spike." A single, fat, spike of stone burst out of the ground, uncomfortably close to Akane's face this time. (I gotta tell you, I'm pretty damn good at handling the ice element myself.)

(Oh? Then why haven't I seen you do any tricks that involve it?)

He smirked. _Oh good, seems she can't tap into Akane's memories at all. Sweet._ (Well, it's this crapstorm of a body, you see.) Tucking his hands into his pockets, Mato casually strolled over to stand infront of Akane. (Wind, I'm fairly good at too. I'm alright at water, honestly, I just need to practice more. I totally suck at handling electricity, and I can just barely handle the basics of fire.)

(Interesting.) Akane examined her frosty talons, sounding anything but. (And why do you waste my time with this?)

(Because, when it comes to earth, I'm a literal master.) He pulled a hand out of his pocket, and examined his own nails. (Didja know in a former life, this- well, not this body, but my actual body was used by the physical god of earth?)

(A descended body?) Now Akane seemed interested, leaning forward a little against the stone cage that surrounded her. In truth, it wasn't much of a cage, as it would take her two swipes of her claws to free herself. It was, however, good enough as a ruse to draw the pedantic human closer. (My my, I'd like to get my hands on that.)

(I'll bet. Anyway, the whole point of this is...) He slammed his fist into the fat stone spike, and there was a faint hiss of escaping gas as his hand sank into it's thin surface. (Not only am I very widely skilled at the elements, as it were... I'm just awesome at combining them.) He grinned at the confused expression that flashed across Akane's face. (Boom baby.) There was a small flicker of orange, as thin flames licked over the surface of his hand.

Then everything went red hot, and _very_ painful.

-

Cologne frowned as she stared at the remaining Elders. Her breath came a little raggedly, which was understandable, considering the three dead Elder traitors that lay at her feet. (Does anyone else think that we should be more careful in whom we select to rise to the council?)

(It does feel a little ironic that you'd say that now.)

(Yes, well... Today is a day of interesting happenings.) The ground bucked beneath Cologne's feet, and a displacement of air nearly knocked her sprawling. _Nearly._

(What on earth was that?)

Cologne stared at the cloud of smoke that rose over the south end of the village. (Another one of those interesting happenings that I was speaking of.) _That can't be a good sign._ Sighing, Cologne bounded off. (Come on, our work is not yet finished.)

-

"Oh my _God_, that was stupid." Rolling over onto his side, Mato brushed a smear of blood and soot away from his face. The burning pain had subsided, for the most part. _When am I gonna learn how to shoot fire outta my hands and NOT be at ground-zero of a big ass explosion?_ Groaning a little, he hauled himself onto his hands and knees. "Ow ow ow... Damn. Ok, note to self; No more blowing myself up." Climbing to his feet, he felt the flesh along his neck slowly draw itself closed over the wide burns that covered it's surface. _Well, at least it didn't drain me dry to heal up this time._ Brushing another swath of muddy red crud from his face, he glared with his good eye at the figure that was standing up some distance away.

After a moment or two, he realized that he'd blown out his eardrums. _Tch, I THOUGHT it was too quiet._ A moment or two and a flash-heal later, he heard the trailing end of a pain-wracked scream die away. _Whoops, ice Demon, that's right. Boy, she is NOT gonna be pleased with me._ Shaking his hair out of his face, Mato started towards the Demon, frowning when she did the same.

(I'll flay you alive for that!)

_Oh yeah, good and pissed._ Mato smirked at the thought of just HOW mad the Demon was. _I am a sick, sick man, to be getting so much pleasure out of this sort of thing._ Chuckling, he flexed his arms a bit, cocking them at his sides. _Ok, she should be- OH CRAP! I forgot!_ Sprinting forward, he drove both feet into the Demon's face in a surprise drop kick. (Hang on a sec, would ya?) Landing in a crouch, he took off at a run. _Dumbass, how could you forget the most important detail?_

-

Groaning, she lifted her head, feeling the weight of a body pressed against her. "...Oh good, I'm not dead." Sighing, Ukyo sat up and rubbed her face. A bit of inky soot came off, reminding her of just what had happened. _That JACKASS! A little warning before blowing up the whole village would have been nice!_ Shaking her head, Ukyo ignored the little flares of pain as she stood up and checked on the body she'd fetched up against. _Ran-chan's still out cold. Seems fine too._ She sighed again, looking around absent mindedly. _Well, now what? I- hey, is that Mato running over here?_ "Um, hey sugar?"

Mato skidded to a stop beside Ukyo. "Hey, 'sup?" Smiling a little, he lifted up the ragged hem of his tunic and scrubbed at his face, getting it mostly clean. "You doing alright?"

"Oh sure. If I pretend that you didn't blow me up, then I'm just peachy sugar." Shooting him a sharp glare, she rubbed at her face again, grumbling when her hands came back a little darker than before. "Dammit, this-"

"Here." Ripping off a bandanna, Mato leaned in close and rubbed her face with it for a moment. "Hmmm... Oh! Right." He held out the bandanna. "Spit."

"What? I'm not going t-"

"Spit."

Sighing, Ukyo spat onto the bandanna, and submitted to a few moments of having her face washed. _What am I? Six? Jackass._ She fumed silently for a few moments. _Still... It's kind of nice to have someone do this..._ A hint of a blush crept into her cheeks. "Um, sugar? Can I ask what's gonna happen after we're done here?"

"Hmm? Oh, I'm going back where I came from. I'm pretty sick of all this crap." Mato focused on the task of getting Ukyo's face clean without rubbing her nose right off.

That ment he didn't notice the way her expression crumpled. Inside, Ukyo swore she could feel her heart splash into her stomach, but wasn't exactly sure why she felt like that. Sure, it was kind of sad, but she had no idea why it was a soul crushing sort of feeling. "O-oh, I see... Yeah, I-I can see how you'd hate to be stuck here..."

"Yup. Everybody's too damn fragile, and I miss my body."

"I- huh?"

"There, all clean." Tossing the stained bandanna away, he rested his hands on his hips, examining his work. "Yeah, so... Anyway, I just came to say goodbye now, while I still had a chance."

"What? I don't really get it sugar." _Great, depressed and confused. I'm such a wreck of a person._

"Meh, it doesn't really matter. I just wanted to give you a... Hah." Shaking his head, Mato looked away for a moment. "I wanted to give you a little present, and something to remember me by, I guess. I can't believe I'm actually _saying_ this, but I think I'm gonna miss you, despite all the crap you put me through." He looked back at her. "You're such a pain in the ass."

That did it. Rich, red anger flamed through Ukyo's body, burning away any traces of confusion or depression. _That arrogant, ego tripping, stupid, stupid, STUPID jackass of a-_ Ukyo broke off as Mato cupped her cheeks, stepped close, and pressed his lips lightly to hers. The flames of anger vanished in an instant, blown away by a warm, sweet wind that seemed to travel the entire length of her body. It was more than just the feeling of his lips against her's, or the sweet taste of his tender kiss. It felt like life itself was pouring into her, and had Ukyo's eyes remained open for the entire kiss, she would have noticed the soft green glow that suffused the very air around them.

Then, all too soon, the moment was over. Opening her eyes, Ukyo realized that Mato had pulled away, smiling... Maybe a little sadly? She couldn't tell. But there was something unsettling about the way he looked at her. "Sh... Sugar?"

He smiled at her, a _real_ smile. Not some arrogant look, full of himself, or amused at something weird. "Heh, goodbye Ukyo. Live a good life." Turning, he flicked a quick wave over his shoulder, and took off.

_And you're just gonna let him go?_

_Uh, yes. Hello? Earth to stupid? He said goodbye for a reason y'know._

Ukyo blinked. _Uhh..._ That was the first time she'd actually heard a conversation in her head that _wasn't_ one-sided. A sudden crash shook the ground, and she flopped over in an ungainly heap. "Ack!"

"OW!" Jumping up onto his feet, Mato picked up a rough chunk of what was left of the boulder Akane had busted over his head. (That hurt you son of a bi-) Breaking off, he hopped back as a set of claws sliced cleanly through the rock as if it were butter. (Oh, that ain't good.)

Smirking, Akane licked a talon. She looked utterly unharmed from the explosion, even though the fried remains of her dress showed the truth had been otherwise a few minutes ago. (I'm going to enjoy cutting you into bloody chunks. I think... I think I'll eat you raw.)

(Oh ick, nasty.) Smirking, Mato cocked his arms at his side, planting his feet as he stared confidently at Akane. (I guess it's time to play my last trick and end my turn, no?)

(And what-) Akane darted forward and buried her talons in either side of Mato's chest. Her hands quickly sank in up to the third joints of her fingers, lodging as they wedged in between his ribs. (Would that be, perchance? I only ask because I'm interested in knowing what you _would_ have done, had I just not killed you now.) A sadistic expression swept across Akane's face as she felt hot blood flow over her hands. (Mortal wounds feel so nice.)

(... Ow.) Staring down for a moment, Mato blinked at the limbs protruding from his chest. (... You uh... Missed my heart.) His arms hung limply at his sides, as the effort of doing more than just standing was almost beyond him by this point. He dimly recalled that he'd screamed outloud, or something similar.

(Yes, well, I want you to suffer for a few moments before I crush you.) Smiling sweetly, Akane leaned in close, puckering her lips a little in anticipation. (Don't worry, I'll be here to suck the life out of you as it departs this fragile little corpse you called a body. It _will_ be fun.)

He stared for a moment, then smirked weakly. (...'Kay. My turn then?) There was a faint flicker of dark indigo, and the light around their joined bodies seemed to shrink inward and fade. (Mato's forbidden technique; Tearing Embrace of the Demon's Arms.) A pair of shadowy arms seemed to sprout from his shoulders. They hung in the air over Akane's head, poised for an instant before they struck.

(What're y- AAA-HYRGHH!)

Ranma's head snapped up. The sound of Akane screaming in agony was enough to yank him back to the conscious world, just in time to see how it all ended.

The dark limbs sank into Akane's head and chest, tearing something bright blue and glowing right out of her, flinging it to the side. Whatever it was, it slid across the ground, fading to near translucence.

For a moment, nothing happened.

Then, Akane's eyes rolled up into the back of her head, and she fell. There was a disturbingly loud sucking slurp, as the girl's hands pulled free of Mato's chest, and he collapsed onto his back as well.

"Ak- Akane!" Jumping to his feet, Ranma was at his fiancee's side in an instant, cradling her in his arms. "Akane, wake up!" _Oh, no no no. Please no. God, anything but this._

"Huh?" Akane's eyes snapped open, and she looked up at Ranma. "I am up."

Sweatdropping, Ranma stared down at Akane, a little surprised. "Uh, good..." He hadn't exactly expected such instant results, after all, it hadn't worked so fast the last few times he'd tried it on her. "You ok Akane?"

"I think so. What happened?" Akane pressed a hand to the side of her head. "The last thing I remember is putting my hands on the rock, and my dress blowing up."

Ranma blushed a bit. He'd totally forgotten about that part. "Umm, really?"

Akane's cheeks went red. "You pervert, you looked."

"Did not."

A few feet away, Ukyo was crouched at Mato's side, staring at the bright red burbling out of his chest, and trying very hard not to throw up again. "Sh...Guuhh..." Swallowing hard, she closed her eyes and tried again. "Come on sugar, time to get up. Sugar?" Ukyo opened her eyes, forcing herself to look at his pale face, and not his chest. "...Mato?" She moved to reach out and touch him, but stopped short.

A withered hand reached past Ukyo, lightly touching the prone boy's throat. "... Oh my." Frowning a little, Cologne looked over at Ranma and Akane. "She is fine, son-in-law?"

"Uh, yes?" Ranma blinked, a bit surprised to hear that Cologne even cared in the slightest about Akane's well being.

"Is no more Demon." Her arm bound up in a ragged sling made from the hem of her dress, Shampoo crouched at her Great-Grandmother's side. "Is just girl now."

"I thought as much." Sighing, Cologne looked at her Great-Granddaughter. "And you Shampoo?"

"Is just broken shoulder. Shampoo live." She glanced down. "How stupid boy?"

"Don't call him stupid, you purple-haired hussy! He just saved you and everyone else!" Ukyo gritted her teeth. She felt a very strong urge to slam her spatula down on Shampoo's shoulder.

"She is right, the boy is a hero." Cologne snorted. "Amusing, a male that the village owes a debt to, that we shall never be able to repay." She stared down at Mato's pale face, feeling a little hint of regret, perhaps? "Hah, a hero." _I never thought I'd live to see the day I said that about any man, least of all this br- this boy._

"I'm sure he'll rub that in your face when he wakes up." Ukyo tried to smile, but for some reason, couldn't make her mouth form any shape. It was if all the muscles in her body had gone slack and refused to move. _Why is everyone being so quiet?_

"Child, I would be very happy if that were to ever happen." Shaking her head, Cologne reached down to rest her hand on Mato's forehead. "Sadly, it won't be happening in this world."

"Huh?" Ranma blinked, confused. _There're other worlds or somethin'?_

"... He's dead, son-in-law."

Cologne's words seemed to hang in the air for a long time. Not one of them said anything, nor made a noise louder than a quick intake of breath.

**Good. That saves me some trouble.** A distorted voice cut the silence. Everyone turned to look at the ragged figure, shaped by pale blue light that was difficult to see. It wasn't exactly words that they heard, but more like a thought that came from another's head, and was pushed into their collective minds. It transcended mere language.

"The Demon." Cologne frowned, raising her staff. _It seems the boy didn't get the chance to fully finish it off._

**This time, I take a strong body from the start, and kill you all to pieces.** Gliding forward at a sluggish pace, the tattered, ethereal remains of the Demon picked up speed. Suddenly, it was moving at a blurring pace, and head right for-

"Ran-chan!" Flinging herself between Ranma and the Demon, Ukyo was suddenly bowled over by the violent force of impact with the strangely solid creature.

**Useless whelp! Fine, I'll use your body to kill them all!**

"The hell you will!" Rolling over onto her back, Ukyo kicked her legs out, arching her back to fling the Demon off of her. Rolling up onto her feet, she glared at the Demon as it slowly sailed to a stop, and hung in mid-air.

**You think you can stop me from taking what I want? You'll fail, you'll die, just like that pest you were so fond of.**

"... Whaddya mean 'pest'?"

**You heard me, girl. All he managed to do, was slow me down for a moment. He failed to kill me, a mistake that I did not make.**

"Hah." Shaking her head, Ukyo shook out her right hand. "Y'know, there's a world of difference between 'failing' and 'taking a few more seconds to finish the job'." Smirking, Ukyo held out her hands before her, stretching out her arms. "I like to think that we're working on the latter path here."

**Y-you! I killed you! You're dead! This cannot be!**

"Oh, but it is." A bright yellow aura rippled around Ukyo's body, travelling down her arms, and flowing into the space between her cupped hands. (Boom baby.) Thin threads of black seeped into the sphere of light, flowing around over it's surface. "Shi Shi Hoku Dan forbidden revision; Demon Destroyer!"

The chi blast slammed into the faint, fragile form of the Demon, though instead of exploding, it wrapped about it's being. Enveloping it completely, the energy cocoon flashed once, then imploded, pulling the remains of the Demon in on itself and winking out of existence.

"...And that is how you kick a Demon's ass... With style." Smirking, Ukyo flicked a thumb across her nose. Sighing with some hint of pleasure, she turned around to look at the others. "So, yeah... That's the last of what I've got. Demon's dead, my work is done, and I _totally_ messed up granting Ukyo's wish." She smiled a little at the blank stares they were all giving her. "Doesn't matter if ya get it or not... Just, ah... Just tell her that I'm sorry, for everything."

There were one or two dumb nods of non-comprehension.

"Ye-ah... So, goodbye everyone, it's been a blast. Heh." Closing her eyes, she let out a sigh. "... One last thing... Somebody catch Ukyo? She's totally dry after that attack, and probably gonna fai-" With that, Ukyo slumped to the ground and lay there.

And the last remnant of Mato Hibiki, save for his body, left that plane of existence. Finally, _finally_, he could rest.

He'd earned that much, at least.

-

Well, I guess that's that. The story's pretty much all done, except for the EPILOGUE, where I wrap everything up into a neat little package, and put a pretty bow on it too.

I was originally gonna split this all up into two chapters, but I really couldn't stop myself from writing, and honestly? I couldn't find a good place to break the chapter off, without needing to add some padding to the chapter to make the second one a decent length. Ah well.

All good things... Must come to an end, right? Kinda sad, given that this was by far the shortest length of time I've ever worked on a story, but also nearly the longest to boot. I did have a lot of fun writing the thing, and I'm glad you all enjoyed it. Yeah, I'm getting some of the sap out now, so I don't get all weepy on you all when I do the final closing notes of the epilogue.

Wow, it really is kinda sad, isn't it? Uh, what to say to distract myself?

Oh. Right. I've given some thought, well, a lot of thought to a sequel. I think I really want to do one, given how everything has turned out for the Nerima crew. Also, I think, I _think_ some of you _may_, possibly, _maybe_ want to see another story involving some of the characters you've grown to be fond of.

I could be wrong though, y'know? So, lemmie know what your thoughts are, would ya? If everyone says 'hell no! good God, what are you on?' then obviously, I'm not gonna do one.

And if it comes to that, I swear to you all.. I will get _very_ choked up. Honestly, there could be tears.

Review replies!

Pryde Kitty- Hah, I'm sorry that all my boring dialogue _bores_ you. Hopefully, this chapter had enough action in it to sate your hunger for bad ass kickery.

My-name-is-foxglove- Holy crap, don't seizure and die on me. Uh, at least it's good to know I'm somewhere close to Takahashi's goodness? Eh heh?

James Birdsong- Yay, cheers indeed. Glad to be keeping on track.

Baitdcat- Glad you liked it. Um, huh. I guess I never really explained who Mato was very well, huh? It's kind of hard to slip life stories into the narrative, really. In a nutshell, Mato is Mato. He always was, and always will be himself, the one and only. And yeah, Bob turned out to be a surprisingly popular character. Damn, I wish I'd made t-shirts to sell.

Rose1948- Well, I do love to rely on my sense of humor. What can I say? Funny works.

Six-string Samurai- Yes Bob. It was easy too. But damn, seriously people? You all loved Bob _that_ much? Crap, and I gonna give her her own spinoff? ...No, no I'm not. Because she's DEAD. Dead people make for boring spinoffs... With one or two exceptions.

SithKnight-Galen- Well, I hope your other two percent was 'Mato DIES' because then you're right on. I gotta say, you were pretty damn close. Closer than anyone else, I'm willing to bet. I guess it's a testament to my writing awesomeness that I can throw in some utterly creepy and disturbing stuff, and still keep my fans? Or... Something? I'll bet it's that damn Bob you all keep coming back to see.

The Azure Penguin- Yes Bob. Moving on. Yeah, where the heck were you? In the bathroom? And yeah, Mato showed off. I guess he hogs the spotlight way too much. I'd do it less if you people actually complained about it, but you never do. You do a LOT of pointing out what a spotlight hog he is, not so much on the complaining about it though.

And finally, FINALLY, you rabid fans get what you want. Mato kisses Ukyo, _on the mouth_. And it's a sweet and tender moment, dammit. And then he _dies._ I was actually planning on having Mato have to punch out Ranma a second time, then changed it to Ukyo walloping him in the head. Then I just decided to not wail on Ranma because the fans demanded 'blood for romance'.

And yeah, it has to end. A part of me does want it to just go on and on forever... But things lose their meaning if they never end. The sweetest, and most poignant things are the ends of something you love. You look more fondly on something once it's gone.

Plus, hey, there might be a sequel, right? Depends on what the fans want.

Remember, 'Be careful what you wish for' was brought to you by Fanfiction dot net, and readers like you.

And YES, I did just make a reference to Reading Rainbow. Live with it.


	18. Epilogue

(And so we Amazons do something we have never done before in our tribe's history; We acknowledge our great debt to a male. To this male. The boy who died for us, and had as little love for us, as we had for him. Why he did it, we shall never know. Perhaps... Perhaps he did it simply to spite us. I think that idea would amuse him greatly.)

Cologne smirked, staring at the gathered members of the tribe, and the three martial artists from Japan. A fair amount of the tribe had refused to even be present at the funeral, though it was no surprise to her. _Things change slowly, but when they change, they are changed forever._ It was the way of the world, and it amused her to think of that.

She stared at the simple stone marker, a rather plain affair with the Kanji for 'Man' written on it, as well as the Mandarin equivalent. In one corner, two small Kanji were chipped into the stone, above a small image of a knotted bandanna.

Cologne wouldn't bother to ask which one of the three had done it, as she could easily guess. Her eyes passed over those who were in attendance, noting here and there expressions with varying degrees of amusement. Shampoo, of all people, looked rather conflicted about it all. That was fine, she'd learn to live with it, eventually.

(And so, in the place of the Sealing Stone, we leave this marker, to remind us all of what has happened here. We also remember our debt to the living, as well as the dead. All of us have risked something in this trial of life, and some of us merely paid a lesser price, and walked away with it.)

-

Four weeks later...

Sighing, Ranma Saotome sat in the Tendo dojo, alone.

He was sitting with his legs crossed, and his arms folded over his chest as he mulled over a scroll laying infront of him. On the scroll was a small doodle, given to him by one of the Amazons who'd been awake for the whole China fight.

The doodle consisted of a series of crudely drawn spikes, pinning down a stick figure with an angry face. It was _supposed_ to be the secret to using the Bakusai Tenketsu without injuring the target. It was not, however, in any way, shape, or form, any degree of what could be called _easy_ to figure out.

Sighing again, Ranma let his head droop in defeat. "Man, I'm never gonna figure this out."

"Figure what out?"

"Ack!"

Akane peered in over Ranma's shoulder at the scroll. "This again? Ranma, face it; You're never going to figure this out on your own. You've been at it for weeks."

"Shut up." Sulking a little, Ranma turned his body away somewhat.

Sighing in defeat, Akane sat on one of Ranma's knees. Her cheeks were rather flushed, but she managed to hold the position without shoving her fiancee away. She was improving, clearly.

For his part, Ranma avoided stammering like an idiot, and didn't recoil away in horror. He had _greatly_ improved, it seemed.

Feeling emboldened by the lack of hysterics, Akane ventured to lay an arm across Ranma's shoulders, trying to muster up the courage to lean in closer to him.

She was rewarded by Ranma tensing right up, and making a weird face. "Urk."

"... Right, bad idea." Akane guiltily pulled her arm away.

Both sat there in silence for awhile.

Eventually, Ranma managed to suck it up long enough to slip a hand into Akane's. He didn't see her smiling, but then, he didn't need to either. For now, that was enough for both of them. After all, they'd have a lifetime together to get it right.

-

Across town, at the Ucchan, Ukyo was hanging up her apron. She spared a glance at the sign hanging in the window for a moment, then shrugged it off. Snapping off the lights in the kitchen, she walked upstairs to her room, and did what she always did.

It was the same thing she'd done every night, for nearly a month now. She closed the door, left the lights off, and sat on her futon in the dark. There was a bit of a dip in the middle of the blankets now, all that sitting had left it's mark. She'd sit with her eyes closed, trying not to think about anything. She tried very hard.

But, every time, she found her eyes opening, and her gaze focused on the little ball that sat on her bedroom table. Reaching up, she picked up the small sphere, marveling at how it seemed to not weigh anything. It disturbed her a little. Mainly because, at the edges, when she looked at it, it had the lustrous cast of a perfect pearl.

The problem lie in the fact that the middle was completely transparent, and remained that way, no matter how many times she turned it over in her hands. It was like a cored pearl, but no matter which way she turned it, the hollow in the middle turned to follow her, like some sort of baleful eye.

Life had gone on, just like normal in Nerima, when they'd returned. Other than a few mentions of the new transfer student who'd only gone to school for a day or two, it seemed that nobody even knew Mato had existed. That wasn't true, of course. Everybody at the skating rink remembered how that guy in the school uniform had slapped Azusa aside without even looking. The mystery guy was a _legend_ for that one. But other than that, nothing.

Finally making up her mind, or perhaps just giving in to desperation and gut gnawing feelings of being lost and alone, Ukyo stood up. Slipping her bandolier over her head, she slung her battle spatula over her back. Her mind was set now, and for good or for ill, she wasn't going to change it for anything. Scooping up the little ball, she stared at it for a moment.

_All you have to do, is speak your wish, your heart's desire aloud, and swallow the orb._

Holding the little ball to her lips, she hesitated for a moment, then gave it a little kiss._ For luck._ Then, she whispered something just under her breath, so softly even her ears mistook it for a hiss of air.

"There's as many worlds out there, as there are stars in the sky... And as many Ranma Saotomes just about... I want the one person who was made to be with me..." She pressed the little ball to her lips again. "I want a Mato Hibiki of my own." With that, she let the pearly sphere slip past her lips, and tumble down her throat, swallowing the wish she'd been granted by Heaven.

There was a low crackling sound, and all the windows in the Ucchan lit up for a moment, before everything went dark again. The sign hanging on the front of the restaurant swayed a little, the red letters standing out against the dark building's front.

**Closed - Building for lease.**

-

Yawning, a certain yellow and black clad fellow stretched his arms above his head, extending his legs in a full body movement of sheer pleasure. "Mmm, aahhh... Oh man, is it ever good to have the old body back." Sighing, he rubbed the back of his neck for a moment. "Now, I wonder if I got my end of the bargain?"

Tilting his head back, he frowned. "Oh, hmm... I guess so, close enough." There, up 'above' him, was the ground. The only problem was, it was about thirty thousand feet away, and screaming in on him at around three hundred miles an hour. Staring for a moment, he shrugged. "Whatever." Folding his arms over his chest, he crossed his legs at the ankle, closed his eyes...

And waited for the inevitable to happen.

"My my, what about the girl though?" A seductive voice hissed in his ear, sounding not unpleasant, and not at all reassuring.

"Totally none of my business now. That was her world, this is mine. Now, if you don't mind." An irritated expression crossed his face. "I've got gravity to deal with, and I'd like to enjoy the fall while it lasts, thank you very much."

"Oh. Well then, I suppose you're not interested in knowing that the girl got her wish refunded."

"Nnnnope."

"And you're not interested in knowing what it was that she wished for?"

"Nuh-uh."

"Then you really won't care that, in effect, she's been granted the ability to perform dimensional shifts?"

"What?"

"Oh my, yes. Someone just happened to hint to her, that if she were to travel to other worlds, she might just find the person she was ment to be with."

"WHAT?"

A saucy laugh tickled his ear. "And do you know who that person was?"

He grumbled, refusing to open his eyes. "I could take a guess."

"You'd guess right then, boy."

"So what are you charging for this information?"

"Me? Charge? I'm insulted. I'm merely a well-wisher, a creature of good faith and-"

"Cut the crap. You don't think I've delt with the mistress of Hell enough to know what she sounds like?"

"...Ah. So you have died and gone to Hell in your world after all."

"Spying on me, cute."

"It's not every day a traveler from another world shows up with the power to rend Demons asunder and banish them to Hell."

"So it's not my boyish good looks?"

"You hardly look boyish now."

"Touche. Fine. Tell me what you want out of this, and what you're offering."

"I can stop the girl from being used by Heaven. All I want is your soul-"

"Up yours."

"All I want is your soul, you didn't let me finish, for a period of ten years."

"I'll come and stay in Hell for _five_ years, you can't have my soul, and if I feel like it, I'm walkin' out of there, probably because you pissed me off."

"Oh my, you are experienced at this sort of thing. I wanted you to be a faithful minion."

"You'll have to settle for me beating the crap outta things in Hell."

"No small loss, as I could use a few less upstarts. I really wanted you as my concubine though."

"No friggin' way. Now is it a deal, or not."

"A shame, but it is a deal. But."

"But what?"

"You'll have to find the girl on your own... Unless you'd like to lease your soul to me for that information?"

"Hah, you think I can't find one girl in the multiverse on my own?"

"It would be a long search, considering-"

"Five minutes, tops."

"-The fact that you've been displaced in time by about a month."

"WHAT?"

"Oh, did your God neglect to give you that information? A shame. After hitting the ground, he'd probably offer you a chance to go after the girl... For the price of another task."

"Gee, _what_ a big _surprise_. I am totally shocked."

"Don't be snide, it's unbecoming of you."

"Lady, I'm all about being snide. And a total jerk."

"So I've noticed... Better hurry." With the sensation of something brushing over his ear, the voice was gone.

For awhile, he hung there in the air, his head bowed in thought. _Another fine mess this has turned out to be. Ah screw it._ Shaking his head, his eyes snapped open, glowing bright green for an instant. Then there was a bright flash of light.

And he was gone.

-

And that ends everything. That's all there is, there is no more...

For this story. Now, the story of what happens to Ukyo, and trying to find the object of her desires, is another thing entirely. And from what it seems, a few of you really want to see that story be told.

But enough about that for the moment, let's talk about Mato's wrap up.

Originally, I had planned on ending it with the line 'and waited for the inevitable to happen'. But as I looked over some of the reviews (that came in wickedly fast, I must say) it seemed to me that you all might not enjoy such a closed-faced ending. So rather than open the new story with the exposition, it winds up here as a closer. If you're not interested in it all, I'll pull a Stephen King, and say 'just close the book at this part, and pretend it was finished with a happy ending'.

Lame, I know. But hey, if you're not interested in another story, who the HELL are you to judge?

Rawr.

I didn't bother to pad out the ending with showing all the characters, because it's an epilogue, not an end of credits easter egg thing. If it were an anime, then sure, I'd wrap it all behind the credits with stuff like...

Ryoga standing atop the Sphinx in Egypt, glaring at an upside down map of Hawaii.

Mousse scrubbing dishes in the Nekohanten, while Shampoo babbled on about how much ass she kicked in China (we assume, since there's no sound during the credits, save the ending theme) while wearing one of her fanservice waitress fangirl special outfits. What a shocker that Mousse has his glasses on, and is scrubbing the same plate the entire time.

Genma-Panda sleeping, rolling over, and scratching his ass, right at the camera.

Kasumi serving Soun, Nabiki and Kuno tea.

Kuno being promptly booted out the window by Ranma.

The Golden Pair tripping over a large crack in the ice.

The empty Ucchan.

And finally, a close up shot of those two Kanji on an otherwise nondescript grey chunk of stone...

Just over the little image of the bandanna, the characters for 'Mato'.

But it's not an anime, so be satisfied with a mental image of what it could've looked like.

What? What would the ending theme be? Well, I always thought that Nanishitenno by SURFACE sounded right for Mato's image song, so, why not that?

... You have no idea what that is, or how to find it, do you? Fine. I'll help you, just a little. Go Google 'surface nanishitenno'.

...What? That was helping.

Oh whatever. And don't ask me what the video's about, as I have no idea. Just play it in the background, and type up your reviews demanding to know what the hell Mato's ending was supposed to _mean_.

You know you want to.

Review replies! For the final time on this one too... Let's try and make this somewhat memorable, shall we?

My-name-is-foxglove- To be honest, I'm always surprised when people tell me that my writing carries emotional impact. Now watch like ten people tell me that on this chapter alone. Hopefully, this chapter won't reduce you to a sniffling wreck. I'm aiming for a wistful smile here, I think. And close to Takahashi goodness? Sweet. I'm touched.

That's one for a sequel.

beartooth- Think it'll be cream cheese icing? I love that stuff. Though honestly, I'm not sure how many answers the epilogue has, as much as just closure. Well, I hope you liked it either way.

James Birdsong- Glad to know I can keep my readers happy. Thanks for all the short reviews. Heh.

Pryde Kitty- Honestly? I really only made two... Ok, three, if you count Bob WHICH I DON'T! Bob is not getting a spinoff! Never I say! And... Mato gets some more love, nice.

Two for a sequel. And my first threat if I don't deliver...

Jusenkyo- Yeah, I do the combat good, but I really like to pound out the chatter. I guess I need to work a little harder on finding the perfect balance. And honestly? I'm a little surprised at just how attached everyone got to Mato. He is a jerk, you know. Funny you should mention the Mato/Ukyo love being illegal... Maybe I should print out t-shirts, or release that picture of Mato, hmm... Anyway, here it is, hope it was worth the wait.

SithKnight-Galen- I am on popcorn. Yummy, yummy, buttery popcorn. And I'm not mad, just, a little unhinged? HAH! Oh, I'm sorry, I just read the part about Mato getting some rest. In his own words;

"No nap? No friggin' new crapshack of a body."

Apparently, it's time to do things _his_ way. God help us all. And yes, I guess I can write the sweetie moments, when I need to... Need to keep the romance hungry fans from gnawing my ankles off. Back, back I say! And do the care packages come with pretty bows, and chocolate covered cherries? Because I might risk opening them then. R-E-S-P-E-C-T, find out how a record company can sue me! I- ack, ok... It's all going to my head now. But to be fair, the Demon killed Mato once, and he _technically_ killed it _twice_. How's that for ultimate payback?

Three for a sequel, and another threat. Eep.

MarieBaringer- Yup, everybody loves/mourns Mato. Hmm, a sitcom next, perhaps? Glad you liked it, and stuck on through to the end.

Baitdcat- Geez, I need to start issuing kleenex warnings in my chapters, don't I? Everybody gets so happy/sad. But yes, Ukyo and Mato have one sweet moment, then I utterly _crush_ all your hopes for a happy ending... Or do I?

...Yeah, I pretty much do, don't I? Glad that you liked both Mato, and the story as a whole.

Four for a sequel.

Well, that's it I guess. It's the end of the line here, and we're all about to get off the train, and move on with our own lives... Some of you will be sticking around to get on the _next_ train, I assume...

Geez, I guess I'd better start getting to work on the next story, huh? Wouldn't wanna get _lynched_ or anything...

Until then.


End file.
